AIBU To call this sexual harassment/report to school

[PronounMadness]

Year 7 kids (aged 11/12).

Boy says to girl sat next to him in class - unsolicited - “would you rather suck John’s dick or Mary’s tits?”

John and Mary are both sat at the same table and hear this.

Several friends think this is sexual harassment and should be reported. Girl involved doesn’t want it to happen again or escalate and is happy to discuss with teacher. One or two friends agree it is inappropriate but don’t consider it sexual harassment as those involved are all children, not adults.

So, AIBU, and WWYD?

I put up with years of this stuff and worse at school. Doubtless if my parents had known I'd have told them to let it lie too - I wouldn't have wanted the fuss - but I imagine my life would have been much happier if the boys who were like this were made to nip it in the bud from the off.

Depends on context, many times people are asked for their top 10’s at work

You’ve been given the context, completely unsolicited, so…?

This is in no way sexual harassment

This is so benign I couldn’t even believe what I was reading when opening this post, If you’re struggling with this, lord help when they start actually start doing these things to each other!

In the majority of schools both boys and girls would be asked this, it’s really silly, standard schoolyard antics

Sat in a school classroom is context, I’d expect this at secondary school, randomly at work less so, because people at work aren’t 11/12 years old

Id also not expect to be asked why my fart smells at work, yet at school that would be relatively normal

WTF? 20 years in HR and this is new to me.

Regardless of what it is called, it is inappropriate and the school need to know so they can deal with it.

Me too. I am surprised how many people on here are shocked by it given how its common behaviour! That doesn't mean there should no consequences though. Now times have changed children need to know what's appropriate and what isn't and that there are repercussions for inappropriate behaviour. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the boy was being predatory though, and it's not just girls who are on the receiving end of remarks like these it's boys as well.

I think we’ll see what school’s view is, rather than some common garden misogynist on here.

And I’d much rather my daughter wasn’t groomed for sex by boys with porn as their reference point. Much better that she draw her own boundaries. I hadn’t anticipated that would be this early on in secondary school, but…….

100% report to the school. All the recent surveys of secondary school students say that girls feel unsafe in school because of boys behaviour. A lot of girls have been harassed and even abused by peers. Just because the perpetrators are young doesn’t mean it is OK for girls to be treated like that. I’m not suggesting that the boys are labelled predators or ostracised but they need to know it’s not an acceptable way to behave for girls and themselves for the future. I can’t believe how many people excusing saying boys will be boys. How would you feel
if one of your co workers told you you gave him an erection? At what age do we tell boys it Unacceptable? The school will 100% take it seriously. I’m a teacher and have received lots of training on exactly this in the last year. We won’t minimise or excuse it.

It's toxic masculinity masquerading as bantz and should be nipped in the bud.
Same as the current desire to "smash or pass" every friend and family member going. Add tiktok porno moans to the mix and you have a full house.
The correct answer to the John/Mary question is of course: Neither, now do you want a kick in the dick or a kick up the arse?

It’s vile I’d report it. I remember when I was at school and boys would all ‘rush’ a girl so they could feel her up. Makes me feel sick looking back. :(

Now she is being groomed?

I’m thinking your DD is going to really have a tough time through secondary if this is your starting point

I really don't think it is normal to be asked your top 10 at work, if management or hr found out that would def be formal disciplinary action, possibly not sacking but close.

I’m thinking many of those shocked by this went to school in the 1800’s

So you expect an 11 year old child to accept and deal with sexualised behaviour that you wouldn’t?!

Its all very well for you to minimise it, but you never know what some girls dealing with this have been through. I was sexually abused as a child, navigating this shit at school too made me suicidal.

Why are you so resistant to teaching boys to behave better?

Twisting what I said. She is learning from her peers at this age. She has no siblings so the other males in her life are adults. If she acquiesces to their demands to talk about sex at 11/12, at 16 she could well be expected to acquiesce to being choked or have anal sex. That’s a form of grooming. Spend a bit more time around the feminist board to see the consequences of your approach.

For those stating the OP is over reacting because it was typical when they were at school.

My recollection of school is the N and P words were also routinely used. Times change, if the child had used those words would you all be saying it’s not racism?

We have to teach boys what is sexual harassment at this age so hopefully they don’t escalate their behaviour as they get older.

Absolutely this.

@Pewterschmitt It doesn’t really matter what you think, seeing as YOU are the one that is totally out of touch. What matters is that the DofE takes is VERY seriously and is taking a firm stance on CoC Abuse this year. If the school fails to take action, they will be in a world of shit.

Report it. This is the right time to pull people up on this type of behaviour. The sooner they learn this isn't appropriate the better. I think people forget what it's like to be 11-12 years old. Even back in the 90s children weren't "innocent children" at that age. It will be even worse these days.

Yes exactly.

And this is why the vast majority of women have been sexually harassed at some ppoint in their lives and a huge % of women have experienced mvawg

it is not womens job or girls job to police men and to shut up and put up because it is just banter.
The fault lies with men and the way we raise boys. You are contributing to this. Think very hard about the man that kid will become if someone doesn’t tell him very very clearly about consent, inappropriate sexual comments, harassment at this age.
I don’t care if that includes all the kid# in a year group.

we will still be putting up with the shit being metted out by male behaviour in 100 years if we don’t act when kids are young and change culture

I personally think this is standard teenage crap, showing off to their little mates.
And it’s not just boys, the girls can be just as bad

Standard stuff when I was at school, I’m 33.

DH is head of year for Year 7/8. He witnesses them come out with this sort of comment every day, both sexes. And far, far worse.
They are looking for a reaction / attention and are usually amused when they get pulled up on it.
To a lot of these kids even negative attention is good attention.

Inappropriate yes, sexual harassment no IMO.

Call them out and discipline 100% though.

Theyll grow out of it as soon as they realise it impresses nobody

I’m mother to a son and if he came out with this it tell him to stop being a little twat and showing off trying to be the big I am.
Preferably in front of his little mates for maximum embarrassment 😂

In all seriousness we should absolutely raise our sons, and daughters, to be respectful. But even the “good kids” say dumb shit as the grow up

Agree with this, but think if pupil is upset a word with teacher could be helpful.
it’s not sexual harassment, it’s a silly childish ignorant joke. I get worried how quick everyone wants to jump on things on MN. If any of us knew half the stuff our teenagers said and did, we would all be shocked.