AIBU To call this sexual harassment/report to school

[PronounMadness]

Year 7 kids (aged 11/12).

Boy says to girl sat next to him in class - unsolicited - “would you rather suck John’s dick or Mary’s tits?”

John and Mary are both sat at the same table and hear this.

Several friends think this is sexual harassment and should be reported. Girl involved doesn’t want it to happen again or escalate and is happy to discuss with teacher. One or two friends agree it is inappropriate but don’t consider it sexual harassment as those involved are all children, not adults.

So, AIBU, and WWYD?

hey OP

i work in public affairs at a children's Charity please ignore the posters saying ignore.

A big issue at the minute is Boys saying similar things like this, and quite often it is as a result of viewing pornography and quite often the young boys are addicted.

It is sexual harassment, and I would advise you look at the OFSTED report into sexual harassment in schools It is becoming more rampant in schools and we have to challenge now as teenagers before it goes on to sexual assault in adult hood because there has been a clear link made between sexual harassment and sexual assault.

Please do you report it to the school and feel free to PM me if you need any advice

Please report it. I deal with this shit every day. It's vile. It's not banter. It needs to stop.

@Hdaniels11 ·
''Right i'm prepared to get disagreed with but i think it's normal for kids their age to think that they are funny by saying things like this. I think it's part immaturity and just wanting to impress people and sound big, which is common for 12 year olds. I don't think formal action needs to be taken''

Rubbish.

This type of behaviour and language should be challenged from the start.

You attitude is a good example as to why boys grow into men who think it is OK to disrespect women and make unwanted sexual comments and advances.

Those words were used regularly when I was at school and no one was pulled up on using them. Yes, they were, and are, racist but society has changed and they are no longer considered acceptable language. I could have used other examples from offensive religious slurs, terms for disabilities etc. all of which were and are offensive.

Yet some how offensive sexualised words used by a 12 year old boy are by some posters being minimised rather than being called out.

YOU may think it's normal but that doesn't mean it is.
Thankfully opinions like yours don't make the rules in schools and society.

If you think it's normal for girls to have to put up with sexual comments and behaviours from boys at school, you have issues.

Then again, maybe you think it's ok because you were one harassing the girls at school.

Yes report it to the school. Iv severely reprimanded my own boys for repeating sexualised crap they heard at high school. Then gave them a nice long lecture about respect and women's rights and made them watch documentaries.

I also hate the word 'gay' is used by some kids as an insult - again consequence and a discussions about bigotry and bullying and peoples rights

Sadly it is normalised shit boys say in high school BUT it shouldn't be. We should aim to raise our boys better. It should be unacceptable.

Better these boys be pulled up at school and given a lecture on proper behaviour and respect, than to be facing criminal charges or getting sacked for doing the same as an adult.

Someone has to tell them it's not ok.

When I was at school this WAS banter and nobody batted an eyelid.
Times are changing. We still have staff at school who say things like 'boys will be boys'. Older staff, I may add.

I'm not saying you're wrong, but nobody should be surprised if there are mixed answers on this thread.

Sexual harassment is “any form of unwanted verbal, non-verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature with the purpose or effect of violating the dignity of a person.”

So which part are you disputing? She wanted it? It didn’t violate her dignity? Boys words were not sexual in nature?

70s culture was the reason Jimmi Savile got away with his abuse for so long, so should hardly be used as a yard stick. I'd like to think we're better than that now.

Yes also to the poster who mentioned 'gay' being used as an insult. This too was commonplace when I was growing up in the 80s/90s. Ds (also 12) and I had this conversation a few weeks ago. He understands that plenty was said and done in the past which should never have been, and never should be tolerated. I also spoke to him about hard core pornography, explaining that many of those women are exploited and there's no enjoyment in it for them. It's sad to have to have these kinds of conversations with children, but times are very different now and they are exposed to so much more from an early age.

As a result, I know I am raising a sensible boy who abhors discrimination, humiliation, harrassment, victimisation and bullying of anyone, of any kind. He will get things wrong from time to time, as children do, but he knows from both me and dh that we will not passively accept it, or tolerate it. If he's ever in any doubt, I simply ask him "would you say or do that to me, or your sister?"

UPDATE:
I contacted the boy’s mum to ask her to talk to her son in hope of dealing with this informally. She told me to take it to the school. In the day or so it took for me to look up the school’s complaint policy and explain to DD what she needed to do the situation escalated into full blown bullying. DD made her complaint to a teacher that day, before the second incident, so I emailed that night requesting urgent contact from the school.

It was taken seriously. Head of Middle School confirmed boy would be punished and both invited to a resolution meeting to try to move forward. DD was hesitant but agreed on the basis that they are 10 weeks into a 5-7 year secondary school career and they will be in each others company frequently.

Meeting hasn’t happened as expected. Assume boy has refused as all class seating charts have been changed in order to keep him far away from DD during lessons and he’s been told (and is telling everyone) that he isn’t allowed anywhere near my DD.

My mind boggles at his mother’s reaction. Clearly she’s happy to outsource parenting and join in with the bullying (based on what her son was saying in the second incident).

In addition, one of his friends tried to airdrop a pornographic picture of a woman to one of DD’s friends whilst in school. Her parents have raised this too and it’s escalated to the Headteacher (it’s a 3-19 school). I hope school think more broadly about educating boys about this sort of stuff.

Thanks for the support on here.

OP did you see the panorama on sexual assaults in schools? Worth a watch. We do not have to put up with this shit behaviour, you've done absolutely the right thing. Do not let the school off the hook.

I put my DD13 in an all girls school mainly because of this crap.

I haven’t, but I will do.

I agree that it is normal for young boys to think it's funny to say 'outrageous' things. It's also normal you young kids to punch each other when they lose their temper, and all sorts of other deeply inappropriate behaviour.

You don't just ignore it and go 'no big deal', you make it a big deal so they learn not to and they grow into men who don't think this crap is acceptable.

Shocking that some would do nothing about this.

It's pretty standard, silly boys showing off. However, I would have a word with her form tutor so the boy in question knows this is inappropriate.

You might want to read my update a few posts above yours.

DHT and DSL here.
Cannot believe (well, I can) the minimising on this thread.
OP, I’m glad the school has taken this seriously, as they should. Hope your daughter is ok.

For those in any doubt, give this a read:
www.gov.uk/government/publications/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges/review-of-sexual-abuse-in-schools-and-colleges

And this (the short version!)
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1101457/KCSIE_2022_Part_One.pdf

Yes, report to head of year.
I would also encourage my DD to tell persons who make comments like these to 'f off.'

My update is a few posts above yours. This has already moved on.