What's the most wildly inappropriate thing to ever happen to you?

[badassbaby]

I'll start...
When I was 19 I was working as a waitress in a holiday hotel.
I was having a wild, incredibly exciting relationship with the hotel manager, who was a good 15 years older than me.
Guests would fill out feedback forms on the hotel.
One day my boss (Restaurant manager) called me into his office. He showed me a feedback form that stated the guests weren't able to get a proper nights sleep, due to incredibly load love making all night long from the room above them.
The restaurant manager then pointed out that the room in question was the hotel managers room (his boss)
I can't remember what I responded, but when I think about it now, what the hell was he thinking of?!? And why question me about it and not the hotel manager?
I had the arrogance of youth so of course carried on exactly as before 😂
So what's yours?

@Aussiegirl123456 you are right, a company I worked for let out some of the unused industrial units to smaller businesses. My department at the time was waiting for our new office to be built so we were in a porta cabin in the car park. It was quite a large site spread over several buildings and it wasn't unusual for us to have to keep visiting other buildings (even to fax). The employees of one of the let buildings began harassing me I was mid 20s. Every single time I left or returned to my office I'd be cat called, wolf whistled or shouted at. It became so upsetting and stressful I didn't want to go outside. I spoke to my boss who told me to ignore it. So I went to the chairman of our company who was lovely and I had a good relationship with. He was furious, called the business owner and told him ot was to stop immediately or there lease would not be renewed.

The business owner did put a stop to it and personally apologised to me. Explained he had no idea this had been going on (that I don't believe). One of the older women in her 60s in our company got wind of the fact I'd complained and actually told me I would miss the whistles when I'm older and how lucky I was to have mem show me attention! I was absolutely stunned!

Also had a lorry driver delivering to our company do it to me as I was again walking to another part of the building. I marched up and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing and he actually said "I thought women liked it!" It was made very clear to him we don't and to never do that again. He apologised to me, we do have to call this shit out

Your last paragraph is similar to what I get

I’m 35 & still get remarks like that. On the last page I posted about how a guy thought it was a good idea to use his work email to proposition me - this was last year & a senior member in my team

As most here, countless stories of being touched, propositioned, made to feel uncomfortable during teenage years.

As a young newly qualified teacher I was made to feel really uncomfortable by one of the dads in my class. He was completely comfortable with crossing boundaries and made it clear he liked me. Think outrageously extravagant gifts, asking for parents evening on different day to all other parents (presumably to get me alone and have more time), left notes on my car, went into my classroom when I wasn’t there and left things for me. Really subtle things that screamed I can do what I want and don’t need to play by the rules. As a young woman I found the parent/teacher relationship really hard to navigate and I wasn’t assertive enough. I felt invaded and powerless.

I think women are conditioned to please, to Be uncomfortable saying no and being assertive, our bodies and faces are totally exploited in our culture, it’s no wonder men feel entitled and women feel they lack inherent value.

I have x2 dds and consent is one thing I will be hammering home to them, which I was never taught myself. This thread has terrified me.

This is such a sad thread but so unsurprising. I look back on my childhood in amazement that more abuse didn’t happen given how poor safeguarding was.

My memories are of being pinned against a wall by my childminder’s son at about age 6/7. He was much older than me. I don’t recall what it was about, but I remember being terrified. Memories of being told to show my privates to a much older boy who had trapped me underneath a mattress, similar age again. Growing up catcalls, white vans slowing down while I walked to school - in uniform of course. Getting a job in a supermarket doing quite heavy manual labour and being known as ‘one of Dan’s girls’ because the manager of that department only employed girls aged 16-18. Being groped on nights out was standard, including one time having a man force his hand down my trousers and into my pants. I grabbed his fingers so fast and twisted them and really really hope I broke them.

What I find most disturbing is that I’m quite attractive (waning as I get into my 30s) and when I’m done up on a night out I’ve noticed that I get looked at a lot but rarely approached. However, I also work long night shifts and often look a complete mess following these. Bedraggled, wearing worn down clothes as I dash out the house to do errands etc. I’ve noticed that at these times I get more menacing male attention. More suggestive looks, more creepy comments. I even notice school dads taking longer glances. This could all be innocent and because I look tired. But my theory is that creepy men (and that’s a lot of them) can sense vulnerability and are drawn to women who they think are less able to put up a fight. The rougher I look the more vulnerable I feel.

Also had a man who was a relative of a friend (uncle maybe?) Approach and start relentlessly hassling me at a party, would not take no for an answer and as the evening wore on it was getting more persistent. I was with my DH at the time and the man was quite blatant about it. I was becoming quite upset and uncomfortable and DH stepped in when he noticed and told the man to back off, even then then the letch was trying to dodge around DH to get to me. We actually left as it was either that or cause a huge scene. Friend apologised profusely and said how embarrassing it was for them as well that I'd had to endure that. Fast forward to a wedding lecherous uncle is obviously there and spots me again, I absolutely glued myself to DH for the entire wedding and reception but could see that the letch was waiting for his chance to pounce. Luckily it didn't come but what I found strange and quite upsetting was his GF/DW glaring at me all bloody day and night as if somehow his behaviour was my fault! While I understand it must be horrible for her its her choice to be with an awful man like that! Don't blame the victim!

Having posted just some of the things that have happened to me over the years and reading what others have put up with it really is truly shocking. I do feel disappointed in myself though that I didn't report a couple of the men to the police but I was just so scared and so convinced it would be either not believed or brushed under the carpet.

He apologised to me, we do have to call this shit out

Comments like this are ill advised on a thread like this. That was a different scenario to most on here, dealing with whistling in your mid 20s. Many here were teenagers or in vulnerable, even dangerous, situations, power imbalances included.

When I was about 12, a friend's dad took a few of us out for a bike ride. After about 15 minutes, he stopped us so he could massage our calves so we wouldn't get cramp 🤮

When I was 15 I was at a friend's birthday party. An older man (about 45 ) came up behind me and started rubbing my back and the sides of my breasts. I just stared straight forward and pretended it wasn't happening. Later on I was in the garden and a stumbled on him and one of my friends (also 15) having sex.

When I was 18 I was at a house party. An older guy (maybe 25?) came up behind me, stuck his hand down the back of my trousers and said into my ear 'what kind of knickers are you wearing?'. I laughed it off. Later on, I'd had quite a bit to drink. The same guy found me in the corridor. He was pinning me against the wall trying to kiss me, and sort of edging me towards the back door. Luckily my friend and her boyfriend stopped him and walked me home.

I have a few more stories like this. It's so sad and terrifying. Women just aren't safe 😭

I used to go to a literary group every week. It was really interesting. It was on in my local town. It was so interesting. A collefe lecturer ran it as he wanted to get people interested in literature, that they might not normally read. He used to give speeches about authors, literature, writing styles. I loved that group.

The group consisted of mainly old men, one older woman, and me and my male friend, who were in our early thirties. My male friend had told me about the group.

The group had a Christmas party.

One man was trying to play the guitar. He said *I can't find the A minor chord". What happened next is what shocked me.

Another man said back to him as a quick jokey reaponse "A minor? We can't have sex with a minor anymore it's against the law now* hahaha and a lot of the other old men started laughing and saying "good one John"!

I was disgusted.

I went to one more week of the group.

On my walk into the building, one of the old men in front of me said to another man "make sure you stick your hand up the skirt of the woman you are sitting next to tonight!"

I never went back after that. I was really sad as I had loved the lectures. I complained about what had happened.

The absolute worst thing was, I was in that group with my very close male friends . We had been really really good friends. We fell out over what happened. He thought I had over reacted by complaining and was nasty to me about it. We couldn't find out way back to any friendship again as I was hurt over his behaviour and our friendship totally ended.

It made me really sad. What I have found to be true in life is that even if you are really good friends with a man, that man will often not tell other men that they are wrong

*one man said
"I can't get the A minor chord on the guitar",
And the other man said

"A minor? We can't have sex with A minor anymore, it is against the law"

And all the old men laughed.

At the Christmas party, when we were all sitting around the table in the restaurant.

So gross.

Much later, when working, (I'm a teacher), I needed an errand running, so I went to the male teacher next door and asked him if he had 'a body', as in person, I could borrow. With that, he shimmied his jacket off his shoulders and pushed his hips forward and said 'you can have mine' - this was all in front of a full class of students. By then, I was more 'on it' than I was as a naive teenager, so dealt with it myself. I told him that if he ever did anything like that ever again, I would report him for sexual harassment. It was the one and only time in my life that I've seen someone literally go green. I wondered how often he'd been inappropriate with women before. He never was again with me

schools are often fill of behaviour like this but ime it's female staff that are the worst for it towards the men.

@mossiejayne maybe read all my other posts on this thread before assuming that's all I've been through. It took a lot for me to walk up to that driver and tell him it was not ok, having been sexually assaulted more then once at once occasion at work while heavily pregnant.

I actually think your comment is absolutely valid, and I applaud you for taking the action you did x
What's the alternative? Ignore it? We need to call it out if and when we can x

@badassbaby thank you x

Things have happened for years ask your mums and aunts.
Always been pervs and chancers around always will be.

In the forties my mum went to school on the train she was 8. A perv rubbed up against her she told her mum.

Her mum went to the station with her and glared at the man. It didn't happen again. Can you imagine it today.

I didn't assume anything. I still think your comment was out of place and a poor example. Obviously if people feel able to call out these behaviours (many don't), and it's safe to do so, then they should. That goes without saying.

@mossiejayne think what you want, I really don't care. I did what was right for me. Maybe you ought to complain about the #metoo movement too.

Maybe you ought to complain about the #metoo movement too.

What a horrible and silly thing to say given that I've posted on this thread with an experience.

Of course do what you need to do, I didn't say otherwise about your own actions.

I had quite a sheltered upbringing so I can’t relate to a lot of this, but I’m angry for everyone here who was taken advantage of by an older man.

Why was it so common in the 70s - 90s? Were women seen just as playthings for men? Not that much has changed now.

I doubt it is specific to those two decades, it’s just reflective of the demographic on here.

It’s happened loads over the years
i was a teenager and I saved up and bought a lovely pale pink maxi dress-I was so proud of it
i was wearing it one day,when a bloke I’d known since I was a newborn walked into my parents kitchen,looked me up nc down and said ‘you not wearing any knickers?I can’t see your pubes,ever thought about shaving them?’
my mother thought it was very funny-and I had to bin the dress-it didn’t feel right after that

walking down the road at work-was walking down for the bus and endless white van men would lean out of their windows and shout ‘drop your knickers love!’

I’ve been assaulted 6 times at work
was bent over a bin,changing the black bag,when the local creepy bastard came up behind me and ground his hard-on into my back and ran off
his girlfriend blamed me for bending over and ‘tempting him’

a lad dragged me outside by my wrist and licked my ear while shoving his hand down my trousers-he was 15

a bloke grabbed my breast in the ladies toilet

a lad found out I had a 16 year old dd (I don’t know how he found out) and told me to bring her to work ‘so I can break her in’ and ‘split her apart’

another bloke walked up to me,grabbed my ponytail and tried to stick his tongue down my throat

another told me to dump my dp and marry him
i laughed it off but he followed me home and started to make a pest of himself
banging on our door at all hours and following me to and from work

I’ve had blokes ask me to give them bjs in the toilets

at school we had our fair share of teachers shagging pupils-in 3 cases they got pregnant-the girls where blamed and teachers got off Scot free

ive been raped twice

iwas once in the passenger seat of a friend car on the motorway
i was wearing a knee length dress-a lorry driver drive next to us,pointing at me making wanking signs with his hand

I’ve been followed in the street so many times it’s almost normal

at school I used to wear a maxi style school skirt
a lad used to come up behind me,stick his hand between my legs,sniff his fingers and run off
teachers did nothing-was my fault for wearing a skirt,which was the uniform and it was too tempting for him

At school,girls used to go off site at lunch,to be picked up by 30+ year old men
theyd get dropped back off at end of lunch
nothing was done-the girls fell pregnant-and where kicked out of school and nobody cared about what had happened to them and nothing happened to the men

the Rotherham scandal had been going on since the very early 90’s at least-I saw it daily

it makes me so angry-it’s like women and girls are only here for men

Oh another one

my work take on a lot of 16/17/18 year olds as they are cheap labour

the top boss would employ any pretty young girl who applied for a job

he would make inappropriate ‘joke’s’,follow them round and be over friendly but in a way,that if anything was said,they wouldn’t believed as ‘he’s just being friendly’

more than once,I saw young girls in tears because of him-he made a lot of us very uncomfortable

he wasn’t ‘just being friendly’ with us older ladies,as he knew we wouldn’t take it

anyway,the young girls got together (with us oldies as support) and reported him to hr

he was suspended on full pay for well over a year,before handing in his notice and he’s now got a job as a truck driver

if I ever see a young girl or younger lady has been raped or murdered in the Uk-I will give his name to the police-I fully believe he will do something

As a teenager (14 ish) on a ski school trip abroad. 3 of us girls sneaked out of the hotel and walked to local village (which we were forbidden to do).

It got dark so we decided to hitchhike back 🙄. A car stopped with a group of older lads in it, we got in the car, sat on laps etc. And they actually dropped us back at the hotel. When I think what could've happened to us it makes me shudder.

You have no need to feel ashamed, please don't. He was vile.

I think these comments have to be reported to HR every time. How people can think its OK in this day and age is beyond me. I think men were less crude in the 1980s.

Sadly I think you might be correct.
Vulnerability but also plausible deniability.