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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What's the most wildly inappropriate thing to ever happen to you?

593 replies

badassbaby · 09/11/2022 13:48

I'll start...
When I was 19 I was working as a waitress in a holiday hotel.
I was having a wild, incredibly exciting relationship with the hotel manager, who was a good 15 years older than me.
Guests would fill out feedback forms on the hotel.
One day my boss (Restaurant manager) called me into his office. He showed me a feedback form that stated the guests weren't able to get a proper nights sleep, due to incredibly load love making all night long from the room above them.
The restaurant manager then pointed out that the room in question was the hotel managers room (his boss)
I can't remember what I responded, but when I think about it now, what the hell was he thinking of?!? And why question me about it and not the hotel manager?
I had the arrogance of youth so of course carried on exactly as before 😂
So what's yours?

OP posts:
badassbaby · 10/11/2022 21:02

Whattodoagainandagain · 10/11/2022 20:17

This as a man, has made me rethink everything! I was lucky, that all the women around were very strong, unusual!

What on earth do you mean by that?

OP posts:
ShiningStarQueen · 10/11/2022 21:02

When I was about 17, I was in a pub with my boyfriend (now DH). I was wearing a boob-tube and had gone up to the bar. All of a sudden a twattish bloke pulled down the boob-tube so my breasts were exposed to the entire packed pub. However, without skipping a beat, l slapped him hard across the cheek before pulling up the top and stalking off back to my boyfriend. He said he was so proud of me. I think I was just so shocked that someone felt they had the right to do that to me.

badassbaby · 10/11/2022 21:03

Whattodoagainandagain · 10/11/2022 20:30

Look maybe it’s me and my circle of friends I have for years, but always called shit behaviour out!

Good for you. However it's not all that easy, as you'll see if you read the thread.

OP posts:
GoAgainstNicki · 10/11/2022 21:11

Whattodoagainandagain · 10/11/2022 20:17

This as a man, has made me rethink everything! I was lucky, that all the women around were very strong, unusual!

You really came across this thread and thought it was a good idea to 1) announce you were a man as if anyone asked and 2) be so brazen enough to imply that all the women on this thread are not ‘strong.’ How fucking dare you, what a cunt you must be.

So many women have come on here to say they’ve been abused, sexually assaulted/harassed and there’s even some mention of physical abuse. Some people have even said they’ve never told anyone their story but they were brave enough to write it here including me. How dare you speak about the women you knew and how strong they were/are. No one gives a fucking shit. A lot of us were young kids/teenagers when stuff happened. Some of us were even adults. That doesn’t mean we weren’t strong and allowed it to happen to us. It means that men are fucking disgusting people who abuse girls/women simply because they can. Why don’t you hop over to Reddit with your bullshit comments

StopsWalkingToSneeze · 10/11/2022 21:22

WishfulWanda · 10/11/2022 20:47

When I was in the Army cadets, I had an affair with one of the instructors. I was only 14 and he was 20 so what he saw in me I’ve got no idea. I thought he was amazing and I thought we were in love but looking back I realise he was a bit of a creep and a perv. My parents lived in a bungalow and he’d climb in the window when they were asleep and get into bed with me.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. He abused his authority and he groomed you because he’s a paedophile.

Whattodoagainandagain · 10/11/2022 21:32

I’m really sorry if I caused offence , that was so not my intention!

365millionusernames · 10/11/2022 21:58

Ikeabag · 10/11/2022 09:28

Not me, but a friend with a "cool" mum as described above. I hung around at theirs a lot. Her sister had two male friends who were mid to late 20s. They came over plenty, one of them ended up being her sister's boyfriend. Sister was 14. Mum would go on about how nice they were. Not even sure they knew their full names, one of them had a nickname that was just the name of a piece of fruit(!?) and that's what they were known as. (Not banana, btw. Think even they knew that was too on the nose.)

@Ikeabag - was it kiwi?

badassbaby · 10/11/2022 22:20

Whattodoagainandagain · 10/11/2022 21:32

I’m really sorry if I caused offence , that was so not my intention!

I think you should be more careful what you post on a thread where many women are relaying horrendous tales of abuse and fear at the hands of predatory men.
Saying you know strong women is quite frankly an absolute insult to us, we are ALL strong to have survived what we have.
On an aside...what are you even doing on the forum? It's called Mumsnet for a reason.

OP posts:
LeMoo · 10/11/2022 22:23

On an aside...what are you even doing on the forum? It's called Mumsnet for a reason

We do get dads here. I don't mind it. Also lots of people without children. I don't mind that either.

HoppingPavlova · 10/11/2022 22:29

@badassbaby there are quite a lot of childless by choice women on here (as opposed to those on ttc/fertility/AC boards), and often fathers/DH needing genuine support or with genuine questions. By your reckoning these people should not be here?

badassbaby · 10/11/2022 22:37

HoppingPavlova · 10/11/2022 22:29

@badassbaby there are quite a lot of childless by choice women on here (as opposed to those on ttc/fertility/AC boards), and often fathers/DH needing genuine support or with genuine questions. By your reckoning these people should not be here?

Actually no. But I take offence at a man having a subtle dig at women who are revealing their private traumas on this thread...and I make no apology for that.
I'm surprised you take umbrage at me, and not his comment.

OP posts:
badassbaby · 10/11/2022 22:38

LeMoo · 10/11/2022 22:23

On an aside...what are you even doing on the forum? It's called Mumsnet for a reason

We do get dads here. I don't mind it. Also lots of people without children. I don't mind that either.

The male perspective can sometimes add to a thread.
This man's comments didn't.

OP posts:
mossiejayne · 10/11/2022 22:43

LeMoo · 10/11/2022 22:23

On an aside...what are you even doing on the forum? It's called Mumsnet for a reason

We do get dads here. I don't mind it. Also lots of people without children. I don't mind that either.

Yes, but you'll find most of the men here tend to congregate around the relationships and dating threads for some reason. Cynical...

Dreadfully inappropriate what he said and I'm glad he's apologised.

Kittylickingplate · 10/11/2022 22:43

Whattodoagainandagain · 10/11/2022 21:32

I’m really sorry if I caused offence , that was so not my intention!

I think it was a clumsy attempt at support. @Whattodoagainandagain perhaps learn to read the room.

DelilahsHaven · 10/11/2022 22:44

When I was in Year 8, a creepy teacher asked a friend and I to bring bikinis in so that he could take photographs of us 😳

HappyDays40 · 10/11/2022 22:48

@Whattodoagainandagain so women who are sexually assaulted or raped are not strong. Please do reveal you intentions I'm all ears.

TheLeadbetterLife · 10/11/2022 22:48

Whattodoagainandagain · 10/11/2022 20:17

This as a man, has made me rethink everything! I was lucky, that all the women around were very strong, unusual!

Dude. I am very strong, mentally and physically, and always have been. Even when I was a child / teenager people of all ages considered me a very together, confident person. I’m also tall and have a large frame.

None of that stopped me being predated upon by men.

You have no. Fucking. Idea what it feels like to live with that fear. All women have it, whether they recognise it or not, because there’s no other way to live.

You came on this thread to say it had made you think. Think harder.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 11/11/2022 00:02

Walking round a boot sale with my DH, we didn’t stay together as we were both looking for different stalls Anyway, I wandered off about, three stalls behind him looking at some kitchen stuff, I was aware of a bloke behind me and didn’t pay much attention at first.
Then I noticed he stopped at every stall I did but didn’t seem interested in the goods, he also didn’t take his hands out of his coat pockets. I continued working my way round and he got closer until at the last stall he was so close I felt his breath on my neck and a sort of bumping action against me I tuned to look at him, In a ‘back off’ way. I was mortified to see that he was masturbating, still with his hands in his pockets. One of the pockets had a hole in it,. I yelled out, can’t remember what but the stall holder looked up, the bloke ran off with the stall holder chasing him.DH heard me shouting, I told him what happened, he ran off after the bloke but he’d fled through the back streets and was long gone.
A Sunday morning, in broad daylight.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 11/11/2022 00:29

Whattodoagainandagain · 10/11/2022 20:30

Look maybe it’s me and my circle of friends I have for years, but always called shit behaviour out!

Ask those strong women you surround yourself with if they’ve ever been hassled, sexually assaulted, groped, been wolf whistled at, ‘ show us yer tits Luv’
type inappropriate comments thrown at them. I bet you’d be surprised at how many say they have.
That bloke at the end of the bar near the hatch, so close the barmaids have to squeeze past him to get by, he knows what he’s doing, he gets off on it.
That bloke who talks to a woman’s chest, not her face.
That store manager who traps a trainee in a store cupboard.
You’re a man. You have no idea.

Mannymoomin · 11/11/2022 00:57

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 10/11/2022 02:46

I’m so very sorry that happened to you & the authorities didn’t take it seriously. I hope you are happy with your son , it must have been tremendously hard having a baby at fourteen years old .

It was awfully hard, I didn’t tell a soul I was pregnant, I had no help or support at all, my whole pregnancy with him was a secret, I gave birth in secret, alone, at 14, because I was worried about getting in trouble.
My family still don’t know that it was a one off and that I was pressured into it.
But yes, my son is a wonderful human being and I hope I’ve done my job well enough with him that he understands to respects women and girls with their feelings and boundaries.

On another note, I know OP didn’t intend for this thread to be about how young girls and women have been abused/groped/disrespected by men, but isn’t it an eye opener that these stories have been shared because it’s the one thing that so many of us can mostly relate to.

My story happened in 2005, not too long ago, it almost certainly still happens now, I hope one day it doesn’t, and it’s probably important for society to understand why it happens to stamp it out.

I don’t know why it happens, maybe because as young people with less life experience these predatory men are less likely to be called out, therefore empowering them to continue.

I do hope that young boys have this drilled into them enough that it stops, I fear it won’t be that simple though

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 11/11/2022 01:22

You really are amazing , to give birth on your own & only being fourteen breaks my heart . You must have been so scared. Manny your son sounds like a young man to be proud of . As I said you are amazing & you should be extremely proud of yourself.💗

Aussiegirl123456 · 11/11/2022 01:50

I’d put my house and first born child on this. Those strong women that @Whattodoagainandagain speaks of will have stories to tell too.

I would go as far to say that at LEAST 90% of females have experienced inappropriate behaviour towards them from a male.

It has absolutely zero to do with strength. It has everything to do with entitled males taking advantage.

I was ‘strong’ when I kicked a flashing man in the balls when I was 8 years old and walking home from school with my friends, and got tired of him flashing us every day.

I was just as ‘strong’ when I was seduced by and had an affair with my deputy head teacher when I was a teenager.

This has nothing to do with ‘calling out behaviour’ because we were fucking conditioned into believing that this was all normal behaviour. We were conditioned as a society to believe that we should take it as a compliment if a whole building site wolf whistled at us when we walked by.

To be honest, to come on here with a comment like that just shows your overbearing male entitlement and ignorance. How you can come on here and imply women who’ve shared their stories, are somewhat ‘not strong enough’ says way too much about you. You sir, you’re part of the problem. Whether you intended to or not.

ItWasTheBestOfTimes · 11/11/2022 03:15

I have so many of these stories. It makes me so scared for my DD's. I would say age 14-17 I was harassed at least weekly. Ones that standout most are from people in positions of power over me.

When I was about 12 in an IT lesson the teacher called me to his desk as he had something to show me. I would guess he was in his 30s at the time. First he showed me pictures of every room of the house he had just bought and made a comment about magic happening in the bedroom. Then he showed me a picture of a woman wearing some sort of fake breasts that dispensed beer from the nipple, and asked me to help him solve a puzzle on his screen that turned out to be a where's Wally type but instead of Wally it was a naked woman.

Ages 14-16 again at school the male PE teacher handpicking a few female students to go to the big park nearby for 'orienteering' each week in the summer. What actually happened was he bought us ice cream and encouraged us to sunbathe.

At age 14, my older sister who was in 6th form said she'd heard a rumour at school that I had been sleeping with the history teacher. He was very flirty to me in lessons, little touches, made me sit right in front of his desk etc and people had noticed. This stopped at 16 in y11 when he arranged an oversees trip to Berlin and I told him I wasn't going. I will never forget how angry he looked when I told him. He then completely ignored me for the rest of the year thankfully.

So many more and I'm only 31. I work in a team as the only woman. Although I have a good job and salary I'm still one of the junior members of the team. In a recent teams call one of the senior members made a joke that men are only willing to help me because I have large breasts. Everyone laughed and it was humiliating.

Sweetpea1532 · 11/11/2022 04:53

To me, the people who laugh and joke when a sleazy guy is sexually abusing/ harassing a female are just as complicit as the pervertHmm

Tara336 · 11/11/2022 06:26

Aged 18 in a pub with my then BF and his friend, having a fun night, playing darts together and just chatting. Two lads were sat nearby and kept looking at us, I thought maybe we were being too loud or something but we carried on with our game. BF went to the bar for some more drinks his friend popped into the nearby loo, I was left on my own. The two lads got up and went to leave the pub I was stood by the door which was near our seats and the dartboard. One of the lads grabbed me, slammed me against the wall and said "you've been asking for this all night" and while I was pinned to the wall with him squeezing my face he tried to kiss me. That pub was packed, not one single person male or female came to my aid they just sat and stood there watching while it went on. My BF came on from the other bar to find me in shock and crying, he went looking for them (firey temper) but they had disappeared. As an older woman now I am not only disgusted by what he did (and have concerns for other women no doubt he assualted) but the fact there were maybe 20 people in that part of the pub and no one stepped in to help me.