To say "organised fun" isn't a bad thing?

[toastedcat]

I'm hosting some family around Christmas time who we don't often see. We all get on well.

There's been talk of board games and a quiz, the usual Christmassy sort of stuff. My cousin has just told me that his wife hates "organised fun" and anything like games or quizzes are basically her idea of hell.

Now I kind of feel like she might think we're all a bunch of losers and/or she'll feel uncomfortable.

Those who hate "organised fun", can you tell me why so I can understand a bit more? She isn't shy so it's not that.

But AIBU to suggest that she either stays home with the kids if she doesn't want to join in, or just comes along and either doesn't play or just sucks it up and joins in?

Eugh. I called it mandatory fun. I think it's just the idea of being told when and what you have to play, something that you'd usually just do if and when you feel like it. If you're not forcing anyone to join in then all good but a bit rude to say don't come IMO

I used to do this at a colleague. He was a massive introvert and HATED organised fun so it became a joke. Is there anything that makes you want to stab yourself in the eye (for me it's long meetings)? That's how they feel.

My family love a quiz because we all like to show off about how clever we think we are and are all insanely competitive. We don't do board games so much though partly because we can't be bothered. I can understand that some people - like my in laws - don't like the competitiveness so much. We've stopped inviting them to things because they just refuse to participate and sit there looking grumpy or moan about the questions (one year, for example, I drafted a quiz which included such nuggets as how many pairs of socks my DH had and my SIL claimed it was a ridiculous question and how could she possibly know the answer).

I'm not sure you need to 'suggest' anything.

She's a big girl, I'm sure she can manage her own feelings / decide what she wants to do.

Hahaha. Why should your cousins wife dictate your family's Christmas? Crack on and organise whatever games/quizzes you want. She's free to not get involved/go in another room if she wishes.

I hate organised fun but to me that means like karaoke, silent discos (aaargh), flower- crown making etc (basically hen party cliches). I wouldn't class a quiz or board game as organised fun, board games and quizzes are more relaxed? I think it's rude to dictate to your host tbh so she'd be welcome to come but if she didn't want to join in she could feel free to go out a walk/watch the TV/do the dishes if she preferred.

I don't mind games etc but this sounds like it'll all be planned in advance and organised as opposed to just happening organically? I find in these cases it's less enjoyable either because there are one or two people who want to take control rather than let people just enjoy themselves, or because there are people who just want to show off or get overly competitive. Which generally makes it less fun. Not saying this is the same in your family, just my experience.

I wasn't very clear in my original post. They haven't responded as to whether they're coming, they're ignoring all the group messages about it, which is how I found out about her dislike for games. So I don't want to pressure her to come, I kind of want to make her able to say no without it being awkward, I guess?

(one year, for example, I drafted a quiz which included such nuggets as how many pairs of socks my DH had and my SIL claimed it was a ridiculous question and how could she possibly know the answer).

I agree with your SIL.

@Hidingawaytoday this makes sense actually, thank you.

(one year, for example, I drafted a quiz which included such nuggets as how many pairs of socks my DH had and my SIL claimed it was a ridiculous question and how could she possibly know the answer).

I agree with your SIL.

I think people are imagining different things when it comes to the 'organised' term.

I really enjoy games and quizzes, but hate it when the organiser becomes really rules obsessed and strict.

E.g I was at a hen party a while ago, we had to play Mr and Mrs, which was fun, but if anyone interjected with a funny story or joke on the back of the questions, the MoH would just cut them short and insist we stick to the game and the schedule of it. Properly sucked the fun out of the game!

I don't really like organised fun because-

• I'm not really competitive
• I like chatting about whatever flows with a glass of wine and being able to catch up with people
• Sometimes it feels really forced and can go on for ages

I'd just say make sure you have plenty of down time in between the games and she should be fine!

My SiL is a big fan of what we call 'enforced' fun.

We spent one Christmas where she had organised a family Arts and craft finger painting session, a family Christmas cracker game involving a learning a song on a kazoo, a table quiz with questions about the local area ( I'm not local) for Christmas Lunch - all timetabled.

DP is ASD & I have ADHD......it was utterly exhausting, and one of the least relaxed & enjoyable thing we had ever participated in. I felt guilt tripped to join in, DP made his excuses and went and sat in another room, we have politely declined any further Christmas invites.

Me and my DDs love to plays games and do quizzes but my DH is not a fan. We just let him watch TV or read a book while we enjoy our games. Surely your SIL can come but opt out of the games if they are not her thing?

If the people I am with are not interesting enough to talk to I will not be with them
I do not need to be entertained
The people I am with should be interesting and funny enough to be with

I suspect they're not coming then, so I wouldn't worry about it!

I sometimes hate that 'organised fun' takes me away from just...chatting to people.
But I do always join in regardless.

It's very hard to write quizzes for a family given different interests and knowledge. With that kind of silly question, everyone has an equal chance of getting it right because it's just a guess.

i love when people make the effort to plan nice things to do instead of just moaning about how boring life is

i would have the Christmas you want to host and they can come or not come

I hate it when it's enforced. My MIL does this, why do we have to play a game when I'd rather have a chat with people I've not seen for a year? It's like being at Brownies or something. I'm 41.

I find that kind of thing excruciating, genuinely, partly because, as others have said, it seems to bring out a mad, competitive streak in some people, who then get cross because you're not taking their game of Monopoly seriously, or you're kind of laughing along with going to jail or forgetting to charge people for landing on your street, and you glance across the board and their jaw is set and they are absolutely determined to build those fucking hotels on Bond Street or whatever, or to impress on you the universality of their house rules for something, and it's actually a bit scary. My BiL once stormed out after a fight over a Trivial Pursuit answer on Christmas Day.

But I think actually, also, in my own case -- I suppose I see them as fundamentally kids' games that I'd associate with wet afternoons of childhood, , and a sign that people are bored and can't think of anything better to do. I'd certainly have to be climbing the walls before I'd propose a game of Scrabble.

Probably I'd also conclude that if games and quizzes are actually being planned this far in advance (rather than being something that arose spontaneously on the day because it was wet or one of of the kids had got a game from FC), that this occasion is being organised by people with a very different idea of 'fun' to mine, and it would probably not be enjoyable.

I call it forced fun. Hate it.

Why can't you just have a get-together and let people chat and catch up? If then some people want to whip out the board games, fine. Others can opt-out.

I'm autistic and an introvert, and I actually like these kind of things. Mainly because it means I'm doing something, I'm not sitting there awkwardly wondering what I should be doing, if I should be helping with something, trying to make conversation/join in with conversation etc. And I like quizzes, I get quite competitive with them. I'm not a huge board game fan, if it's a long winded complicated one, but I'd try.

Your cousin and his wife don't have to come, and if they do, they don't have to join in? I don't know how big your house is, but if there's a separate room you could set something up they'd enjoy (music, TV, snacks maybe)

I'm team SIL here. My FIL used to plan quizzes and games when we would go there for Christmas before DC, I absolutely hated it. One year we were even ordered to make presents instead of buying them, which was dreadful. In my family we have a drink and a laugh, no forced fun required.