To say "organised fun" isn't a bad thing?

[toastedcat]

I'm hosting some family around Christmas time who we don't often see. We all get on well.

There's been talk of board games and a quiz, the usual Christmassy sort of stuff. My cousin has just told me that his wife hates "organised fun" and anything like games or quizzes are basically her idea of hell.

Now I kind of feel like she might think we're all a bunch of losers and/or she'll feel uncomfortable.

Those who hate "organised fun", can you tell me why so I can understand a bit more? She isn't shy so it's not that.

But AIBU to suggest that she either stays home with the kids if she doesn't want to join in, or just comes along and either doesn't play or just sucks it up and joins in?

Because my cousin told me she doesn't like organised fun and that's why they weren't replying.

Well it sounds like none of you want to give her a break. She's not allowed to not like games and she's not allowed to give a polite and perfectly acceptable reason not to attend either. Leave the poor woman alone and just get on with organisation your party the way you want it.

OK. You weren’t that explicit in the OP, you just said your cousin said she didn’t like organises fun, not that that’s why they weren’t replying.

Just reply to everyone and say ‘What a shame we won’t see you - it’s so hard to get a date everyone is free on, isn’t it? Probably best we keep it on this day but please pop in if you get a chance, love to see you any time, it’s an open house.’

I HATE organised fun. I never go on work bonding activity nights if they aren’t time paid, and they are one (of many reasons) why I won’t attend my inlaw’s Christmas’s anymore. They have a quiz every year that unless you grew up in the family or like football or pop culture you are never going to enjoy it/participate.
I suspect your cousin and wife will choose to decline your Christmas celebrations anyway based on it not being the wife’s cup of tea (and let’s face Christmas is only enjoyable and you can relax and do what you want), so if everyone else and their partners don’t mind go for it.

I Haaaaaaaaaaaaate Cmas day in front of the tv showing ‘Xmas’ movies.
Hence having the option of games, walk, quiz , cooking would be my preference.
chatting over a glass of wine - in theory nice but that means someone else is entertaining the small DCs - so unfair.

I have a kid who despises it. It made any groups a bit of a mare when he was younger, but only because other people didn't get it. I actually thought I'd invented the phrase organised fun until I heard Richard Ayoade say it on a podcast the other week. (The swell of good feeling I had toward that man when he said it, I don't think I have the words.) Kid is autistic, it runs in my family, I despise organised fun also. I also despised posing for photos when younger and in situations I found hard, particularly new ones, eg on holiday, unfamiliar places. Don't make me pretend fun when I'm barely keeping up with all the stimulation if you don't intend to push me over the edge into meltdown, I am plastering a smile and holding on to the edges of my brain so I can cope. That's how I explain it. Having to opt out also creates a situ where I feel like I'm making a stand and don't want to, don't make me leave, feel left out, feel lesser or like I'm spoiling everyone's day. I will also say that I've learned over the years that it's ok not to like that stuff but I'm also lucky to have a husband who gets it, so we don't tend to find ourselves in those situations, and when we do they tend to be with our people, so we're more comfortable, if you get me. I'm missing a hen do abroad next year for my SIL because I can't bear the thought of being trapped abroad in my literal nightmare scenario. Hen do's are my worst nightmare.

Weirdly I find work training and role plays tolerable, maybe because I'm so used to roleplaying every fucking day, ha. I also find presentations fine but it's because prepared speech is 1,000,000x easier than improvising. I used to have to improvise a bar or two in music instrument lessons and it was awful!

I think it would be rather hilarious if you all offered to change the date so that she can still come. Do it, OP.

I think if you never see each other and lots of people will be travelling from afar, and it’s this lovely big catch-up, all the more reason to make it a party and not something with “activities”. Board games and a quiz is a lot of pressure and jollification when I’d have thought after a two-hour drive and general Christmas exhaustion etc, your will just want to revel in being together? A big buffet, plenty of time to talk to everyone in little clusters and one-on-one, some celebratory champagne because here we all are after covid/the general binfire of the past couple of years, etc. Take the pressure off!

Alternatively, invite the sister too and make her Pictionary Team Captain.

Because one person's idea of fun is not the same as another person's - i.e. it isn't fun for everyone!

I like a bit of organised fun. As an introvert, after a while I get tired with all the conversation making. It's quite relaxing to just be carried along with a quiz or game where the rules are clear and I don't have to think of exciting questions to ask about someone's commute or health issues. Also, I have never laughed as much with either colleagues or family as in the heat of a silly game like pictionary or charades . . .. and laughing is always bonding.

I don't mind a little bit time spent on quizzes or games but nothing makes my heart sink faster than if a guitar appears. Usually my hubby taking the opportunity to show off his Bob Dylan/Radiohead repertoire 😖

It's interesting how many posts against organised fun mention drinking/glass of wine/etc. Because that's what so many people want to do- get pissed. Let's stop beating about the bush. At some point in many people's drinking career, drinking stops being an incidental accompaniment and starts to become the main attraction. Only sober people need something fun to do after 6 hours of watching tv.

Why do you think that someone having a drink at a Christmas gathering equals "getting pissed" ?

I, and everyone I socialise with is perfectly capable of drinking some alcohol without getting in any way intoxicated.

‘Get pissed’…?

Who the bell wants to ‘get pissed’ on Christmas Day surrounded by family and kids?

Enjoying a glass or two of wine does not equate for the vast majority of people to wanting to ‘get pissed’.

I think you were drunk when you wrote this post.

With my own family, we love doing quizzes but one time my SIL wanted to play a board game and then got quite annoyed when I beat her.
She said "ooh you're very competitive aren't you?"

Hmm not really I won and you asked me to play.
Wasn't sure how to respond but gave me an insight to who she is.

😂🤦‍♀️😂

Sure sure. Bucks fizz in the morning and keep going- that is what a lot of English people do in my experience. Maybe it's not "pissed" to you but I'm not falling for this b.s. that alcohol somehow doesn't affect people. How else are people sitting through "Top 100 Comedy Moments" or whatever. I think as a society we need to move past this idea that alcohol is different from other drugs, only certain people will have problems and so on. But anyway I don't want to derail the thread.

Again, it must depend who you mix with.

Or what you mix with: I like a vodka shot in my Buck’s Fizz, start the day off right.

I hate organised fun. Everybody to their own but I by far enjoy chatting and catching up with other guests.