To say "organised fun" isn't a bad thing?

[toastedcat]

I'm hosting some family around Christmas time who we don't often see. We all get on well.

There's been talk of board games and a quiz, the usual Christmassy sort of stuff. My cousin has just told me that his wife hates "organised fun" and anything like games or quizzes are basically her idea of hell.

Now I kind of feel like she might think we're all a bunch of losers and/or she'll feel uncomfortable.

Those who hate "organised fun", can you tell me why so I can understand a bit more? She isn't shy so it's not that.

But AIBU to suggest that she either stays home with the kids if she doesn't want to join in, or just comes along and either doesn't play or just sucks it up and joins in?

We used to have to play trivial pursuit every single year for well over a decade

I hated it. I know all of the sciencey, history answers, SIL all the entertainment answers, neice knew none of the answers, it was like being in a weird repetitive hell, over and over . We've stopped now thank god

I'm happy to play shit board games if I can bring Hero Quest but strangely there's no compromise

Yeah I hate all that as well. I'd rather just have a glass of wine and catch up on the chat. I always think organised games etc are for people who don't have much conversation.

I‘ve never liked party games and quizzes…as a child I was very shy, nowadays I just much prefer chatting to people over a glass of wine.

My partners family adore board games and quizzes and I just can't stand it when we have a nice lull in the evening, drink in hand, chit chatting and then 'anyone fancy a board game!?' Yes I can say no and I often do, but that gut punch sinking feeling washes over me. They often have whole parties planned in advance that are all games and I go and join in for my daughter as she loves it, but wish I could just catch up with people and chat.

My idea of hell.

My ex and a group of his friends loved scrabble. I had that exact feeling when the conversational lull happened and scrabble was suggested @RightsHoarder

Hated it, and spent the entire time willing the game to end.

Yeah me too.

It's forced and it's uncomfortable. If you want to play games etc, that's fine, but if I were a guest I would be excusing myself to go to my room to read a book. Put simply, not everyone enjoys the same things and it's made worse when one is accused of being a "party pooper" just for having different tastes.

I think there's definitely a few people who think games are beneath them, like they're intellectually superior. But I don't get that vibe from her.

So it’s just not her idea of fun, then. Which is probably the position of most people who don’t enjoy them.

@OohMrBingley right. It just seems a shame that she's likely going to not come, and is ignoring the messages, due to suggestions of board games/a quiz. I think spending time with family is important -- I've been to many an event where it wasn't my idea of fun (and had a good time). Eg a lot of her kids birthday parties/plays/dance shows!

Some people love it, some hate it. Its your house, your party and your choice.

She could come alonfg and not play, we always have a few of those. They still have fun. If she chooses not to, well who cares? Her choice.

The only game I really liked is the musical cracker symphony one, everyone was trying their very best not to laugh and stay serious but it still sounded just awful 😂..the children were better than the adults. It was really good fun actually!

www.lakeland.co.uk/74020/8-lakeland-cracker-symphony-handmade-musical-christmas-crackers

we really properly belly laugh with some of the games we play, especially when the age range is massive so hard to just sit and chat. A mix of activities over a day is fine especially if there’s a kitchen to retreat to, I love a bit of very slow washing up and a chat there too.

Oooh, BURN!

I bet you’d be very upset if you met people who like parlour games and are good conversationalists to boot. They exist. You can read about their antecedents in any Jane Austen novel!

I think it's fine to have games/quizzes at family gatherings as long as it's not compulsory to join in.

I hate quizzes and things like charades. I'm happy to just chat to someone for half an hour.

Obviously everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things, and nobody should feel pressured to join in with something that they don't like.

The people who want to join in can, the others can just chill and talk.

I don't think they're beneath me. Parlour games just make me a combination of stressed and bored.

I usually go looking for the cheese/sausage rolls when games start.

It depends, there are games and then there are games. I'm not a fan of the traditional games like Monpoloy/scrabble/Risk etc. Dh's family used to love them, took it all very seriously and kept records of scores going back years

Our kids are older teens now and we've got our favourites like Telestrations and we love an escape room game or VR games like Beat Sabre or A Dark Matter.

I also think there needs to be some flexibility, if the wine and chat are flowing leave well alone but suggest a game if there's a lull.

@OhMaria2 omg I'd totally forgotten about Hero Quest!!! I used to love it. ♥️

I think you are absolutely entitled to do what you want when entertaining in your own house. So if board games and quizzes are your thing, go for it! I think though you have to accept that not everyone will see it as a fun time, so make it clear to cousin/his wife that they don't have to participate if they don't want to.

Fwiw, my friendship group dp stuff like games/cards nights, murder mystery evenings etc which I hate, but I do attend and join in because I am grateful that someone has made the effort. Would still prefer just to chat though!

I think it's also about the geography of your house too - there's nothing worse than when the only escape option is to walk round the garden.

If you have two rooms, it means one can act as a sanctuary from wherever the main action is. So if you do the games in a room other than the main room (say, a dining room) it leaves the option for people to wander off to sit in the main room. Another idea is to have a jigsaw set up in the dining room, so when things get a bit much in the main room, there is a quieter but still festive retreat.

Then you just let people find their own preferred place without pressure.

I did enjoy a game called accentuate, best played after a few drinks. You have to say movie quotes in different accents, that was pretty funny.

Although we're both introverts, I Iove quizzes and board games, and DH hates them. I think he just hates losing, but he'd never admit it.
If there are enough people and enough space, can you have a room for the quizzes and board games, and another one for people who want to do something else, such as just chat?
DH might just about agree to join in if there's enough people to make teams.
Alternatively, those not joining in the fun get to do the washing up / attack the chocolates first only half kidding, my DH would prefer that to a quiz

This.

It's when the "organised" takes over the fun.

My now husband always had to negotiate time to speak with me on Christmas Day, because his extended family do endless planned activities with another family. And would whine if a single person dropped out a round, etc.

You have to be able to read the room. It's like gambling - when the fun stops, stop.

I think having options to play games is great. I don't always enjoy board games so will sit out or watch the rest play. When we have Christmas at my parents there are over 15 of us, so too many to play most games. What tends to happen then is smaller games will start up which others will sit around or do other things like chat etc
I wouldn't not invite her, but don't force her to join in. If it's not what her family did when she was growing up, it probably feels silly to her.