To say "organised fun" isn't a bad thing?

[toastedcat]

I'm hosting some family around Christmas time who we don't often see. We all get on well.

There's been talk of board games and a quiz, the usual Christmassy sort of stuff. My cousin has just told me that his wife hates "organised fun" and anything like games or quizzes are basically her idea of hell.

Now I kind of feel like she might think we're all a bunch of losers and/or she'll feel uncomfortable.

Those who hate "organised fun", can you tell me why so I can understand a bit more? She isn't shy so it's not that.

But AIBU to suggest that she either stays home with the kids if she doesn't want to join in, or just comes along and either doesn't play or just sucks it up and joins in?

I'm quite introverted but I wouldn't put games and quizzes in the same category as "enforced fun". I don't mind a quiz or a board game - as long as it's something relatively passive and not something like charades where you need to stand up and make a tit of yourself.

I think of "enforced" fun as things like Anne Summers parties where you're expected to howl with laughter at the sight of a willy, or those awful games where you have to pass a balloon to each other between your knees.

I would accept playing a board game or answering trivia questions as I don't find those sorts of things embarrassing and you can be as enthusiastic or passive as you like without people commenting too much.

I love games and quizzes, and it makes sense to plan them ahead of time because especially with quizzes, if you don't you end up wasting loads of time on the day trying to find a good one. I don't think doing this is always anywhere near as pushy and overcompetitive as some of the suggestions here.

YANBU to just crack on and do then anyway. You don't have to not do what the majority of the people want to do to suit one person who could just sit it out.

Just tell her it's optional and those who don't participate are in charge of topping up the drinks. Although you might enjoy it, others might not, and shouldn't fell pressure to participate.

Sounds like it will be quite a big party?

I'm just thinking back to last Christmas when we had quite a few of us - although it was orghanised as such a few card games came out in the evening. But there were enough people that some played, while others were drinkings/chatting/watching TV totally seperatly - so if there's enough people everyone can be catered for.

I'd put it like that - "a few of us will be playing some games, join in or not - 'sup to you"

There's organised fun and enforced fun from my perspective.

One is
'We're having a get together, some board games might be nice - can you bring whatever you've got? I'll get a quiz together if everyone is up for it?'

The other is

'First, we'll have a quiz...you're on a team with Sally, Sue and Tom. Decide your team name. Then I have some board games...can you bring kerplunk and we'll play that after monopoly that Mike is bringing. Tom is bringing the karaoke machine'

The hatred of organised fun I think, is when some people insist everyone takes part. That all activities must be done, in order or otherwise. That there is no time for anyone to suggest something else.

That being said, there's also people that just don't like quizzes and board games at all. And even though they can opt out they might feel left out if everyone else actually wants to play. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't go ahead.

I can enjoy this kind of thing very occasionally with close friends but my cringe gland is easily inflamed. Best not to try and make everyone follow an enforced schedule of fun. Let those that wish to join and those that don't should be left alone to snooze, watch telly, chat etc.

I hate organised fun or "enforced jollification" as a friend once called it. The main reason being that I like things done properly and in many households it's taken as read that people will cheat.
If I knew this was happening at somebody's house I would take a book to read while they're doing this.
And yes, I do have a sense of humour but this isn't my idea of fun - each to their own.

I relate to this so much. I think that's why I enjoy them, I can be quite shy in group settings and sometimes be a bit awkward. These things do exactly that -- give you something to focus on and makes everyone involved with one thing.

Sometimes when we have family parties with nothing else, I end up only talking to a couple of people properly as everyone branches off, and I get stuck in conversations that I don't really want to be in. But that's with bigger groups I think. Eg someone's 50th bday last year, I spoke to a random neighbour for about 45 mins because she was on her own, and I missed out on speaking to others as they were in another group.

one year, for example, I drafted a quiz which included such nuggets as how many pairs of socks my DH had and my SIL claimed it was a ridiculous question and how could she possibly know the answer

Now that sounds like my idea of absolute hell, I would have felt so uncomfortable with such a silly question.

Some people love parlour games/quizzes, some people hate them. I'm in the latter camp. But if I was visiting as a one-off I'd grin and bear it.

I don’t likehaving to chat to people withor without a glass of wine, I like board games and quizzes.

Our family get togethers have games etc for those who wish to participate and those who don’t can relax with their drinks and snacks and chat.
Only the most foolhardy compete against my brother, eldest daughter and me in the annual trivial pursuit challenge. We have a new game every Christmas so no one has seen the questions and we’re unbeaten since 1999.

I like it when taking part is optional rather than everyone being forced to play. Then everyone can do what they want. I wouldn't want to go anywhere I was forced to play or sing etc sod that.

I love games as do most of my family so we do a lot at Xmas but people can opt out and we choose the game for that day based on how we are feeling and whose playing so it seems a bit less intense than OPs suggestions.

I used to hate things like this. I was more shy and was always worried I would be laughed at if I didn't understand the rules or did something 'wrong'. I was very very self conscious. I would avoid things like this.
Now I am older I have basically learned not to give a f what other people think. If I don't want to play something I will say "I don't want to play. I'll just observe". If I don't quite get the rules I will say something like "I really have no clue what I am doing", do something a bit wrong I will make a joke and say "told you I didn't know what I am doing"
But it's taken me years to get here.
Perhaps contact her and say that no one has to join in if they don't want to. That the games/activities are there for those who want.
Tell her it will be lovely to just see her and she doesn't have to join in.

I’ve worked with people like your cousin’s wife. They aren’t just opposed to ‘enforced fun’, but to any fun whatsoever. Distracts them from the moaning, you see.

A business I worked for was taken over. Our new colleagues came up north to visit us and arranged lunch, to get to know us. Paid for by the acquiring company. You’d think that they’d arranged a water boarding session, based on the reaction of some of my colleagues. Whining about “enforced jollification”. Miserable bastards.

Some of my in-laws hate them. They are the sort that think they’re experts at everything and can’t stand not being the best.😬 When kids in the family have done well in exams they have to put them down by saying they’re easier now.

They just don’t like it when they can’t feel superior, don’t win or they get an answer wrong and are visibly annoyed when the youngsters know something they don’t. It sounds dramatic but this is a thing. I always make sure I suggest games/quizzes when certain family are around. 😂

I wouldn't think you were a bunch of losers, but it's my idea of hell. I'd happily keep score or whatever on the sidelines with a glass of wine. I'm ASD though.

If she doesn't want to join in so be it but don't alter your plans to suit her. That said I'm secretly pleased the main games coordinator isn't joining us for Christmas this year, means we can get on with the more important activity of drinking the drinks cabinet dry

I find the "can we just chat and drink wine" people really boring, but I think who you meet up with makes a big difference. I'm usually with people I see pretty regularly and don't have that much to catch up on with so just chatting is pretty mundane for a special occasion. Games are what marks it as special. But I can see why just sitting around chatting might be appealing if it's a large group with people you rarely see.

It depends on the level of the quiz, I don't want to do anything heavy on occasions that I associate with eating and drinking. Post menopause I can't do quick fire questions anymore. I'd be up for a fun boardgame, but not monopoly etc. Likewise charades. I'd rather do them that have to get up and dance.

But guesses of silly questions really does not sound like fun at all. I’d rather be doing anything else.

If you’re going to have people do a quiz, then do a quiz. Everyone will have the same chance at answering some general knowledge questions.

Honestly, I think you and your family are the unusual ones to enjoy such a thing, and most people would be thinking the same as your SIL.

love a Christmas Day quiz! yanbu

I really dislike most games. I am not sure how to explain this, I just find them excruciating and quite boring. I realise I am in a minority as lots of my friends like them.

I think it depends on the context. I think if everyone is having a nice time chatting/playing with the kids and then someone comes insisting that there is a quiz/game that has to be done. If everyone is getting a bit bored it’s different but I’m a fan of reading the situation rather than one person trying to run the day exactly how they want it.

Ive also done quizzes at peoples houses which are someone DESPERATE trying to show off how well read/travelled/cultured they are, and that’s tedious

That said I do like a quiz, board games depends on the rest of the people there. There’s usually someone who just does not get the rules and thats just tedious for everyone, including them.