Am I overreacting? Re: Swearing

[dandelionsandaisies]

So I was Facetiming my boyfriend earlier and he asked how my DC (8) was. I said yeah fine, and he said “tell her I love her” which I did. The reply from her was an “okay” cos she was busy playing on her game. So my bf jokingly put his middle finger 🖕🏻 up.

Aibu to be upset by this? WWYD?

It’s rude from your boyfriend - you’re not unreasonable and I’m surprised you’re asking here rather than just telling him it’s unacceptable for him to swear at your child. Does he normally act that way? Secondly, I’d be making the point to him that she’s quite within her rights as her own person to not respond to declarations of love from her mother’s partner, busy on her game or otherwise.

Oh I definitely told him directly but I’m still reeling. He doesn’t usually swear at her, no. But there have been a few issues in our relationship lately.

Sounds like he was being passive aggressive to your DC but tried to play it off as a joke. Did it seem like that to you?

I disagree... at the end of the day it's a finger. OK, not particularly 'nice', but I wouldn't get worked up about it.

Let's see how the red flag brigade answer this :)

Just end it. Its not worth it if he can't even accept this child doesn't love him.

He was only joking,, like blowing a raspberry.

This 😂

Does he have kids? He might have had a momentary lapse of judgement in age appropriate joking around.

Was your daughter upset?

How long have you known this man? Maybe your daughter feels uncomfortable with mum’s boyfriend saying he loves her then making rude gestures if she doesn’t response that she also loves him?

He's not nice OP.
Giving an 8 year old a middle finger is totally out of order.

Wouldn't count that as swearing?

What did he say, though? You said he swore.

Was it at her? Was she looking, I mean? Or was she head down in her game and it was essential behind her back so to you?

Can't work out if this is facetious or is a red flagger!

Christ you’d hate it in my house. We swear with our 9yo all the time and call her a dickhead (in jest) she thinks it’s hysterical. Very unMN of me I know but she’s got a great SOH and has never once sworn outside the house (that I know of!).

I wouldn’t swear around my 5yo though, he’d skip into school repeating it

She was in another room so she didn’t see it. I didn’t like it though and I do think it’s sort of passive aggressive.

This is really easy to do when you don’t have kids yourself.

I remember talking about abortions in front of my 8yo niece to my SIL and nearly died when she asked what an abortion is - we were in the car and I dunno it just didn’t occur to me at all to mind what I was saying

Do you live together OP? Is this him not joking? Do they usually have a banter-ish relationship?

She didn't see it? And you're upset? Why?
You said he did it jokingly.

Did you say "that's not funny"?

Was it done as a joke? Have you never sworn at your child through closed doors before? 😂

We don’t live together and no he doesn’t have kids. I wouldn’t say they have a banterish relationship but he’s usually ok with her. I know he was joking but after other issues we’ve had lately, it just doesn’t sit well.

Massive over reaction. He knew she couldn't see it so she's not been offended or upset. It's a joke between him and you, only you've had a sense of humour bypass.

It's aggressive: nothing passive about it. I don't think it's a good thing for an eight-year-old to learn.

How do you feel about him telling her he loves her?