Am I overreacting? Re: Swearing

[dandelionsandaisies]

So I was Facetiming my boyfriend earlier and he asked how my DC (8) was. I said yeah fine, and he said “tell her I love her” which I did. The reply from her was an “okay” cos she was busy playing on her game. So my bf jokingly put his middle finger 🖕🏻 up.

Aibu to be upset by this? WWYD?

What an overreaction
It's not swearing and she didn't even see him do it

You're overthinking this. I'm not fond of swearing myself but it wasn't to her, and she didn't see it (which you have to read your later posts to find out). It strikes me as more of a joke along the lines of 'same to you' because she was too 'busy' to talk to him. But instead of talking to random strangers why don't you calmy discuss it with him.

It's one of other things worrying the @dandelionsandaisies

I don’t like it. Usually I’m the most meh don’t care person here but this was an aggressive reaction on his part. He conveys “I love you” to a child who I guess did give him the ego boost he was looking for of a soppy “I love you too” or “aw you’re so sweet” …a mild “okay” was not good enough and so his reaction was to say “fuck you” to an 8yo girl in sign language? No, I wouldn’t stand for it. Actual love is not conditional on what you think are appropriate gestures of gratitude or reciprocation. And a girl/woman should never be socialised to ‘be nice’ and say ‘I love you back’ to avoid a “fuck you” in return.

It’s not a joke. It doesn’t matter your DD didn’t see it, you saw it, he felt it and he did it.

If it feels strange for him to say he loves her why did you pass the message on?

This. With bells on.

Typo!
meant “did not give him the ego boost” sorry for any confusion

This!!

@Discovereads this perfectly sums up how I feel about it.

where do I go from here?

Another vote for this.

Glad you're not ignoring it OP.

Going from here? I mean, I couldn't be a relationship with someone who did that. It might not be a big deal to some posters, but it's the kind of behaviour that's pretty far removed from my normal.

He jokingly put his middle finger up....YABU. The amount of times I've done that to the back of my teens head 🙈

You must know that's different?

I would definitely take this as a joke. He said he loved her and she gave a flippant response. The 'get lost then' gesture was for your benefit. He didn't swear at her and she didn't see it.

Well it's just not feeling appreciated by your child and reacting in a way that causes them no harm as they've no idea you've done it

I thought op had just done 1 post I've just seen this is an 18 month old and isn't the guys kids (maybe I'm wrong there?) I'd be annoyed if my new bf did that to my baby tbh

The DC is 8 - not a baby and wasn't even in the room.

YABU OP

Your own teenager, in a moment of not feeling appreciated by them, in the context of a close, loving, secure relationship, and they're none the wiser.

A boyfriend giving the finger to a young child - albeit unseen - because she didn't say 'I love you' back.

Thos two scenarios are chalk and cheese to me.

Please read @Discovereads post and OP's reply.

......that she's only just mentioned. Drip, drip, drip

The OP has been with her boyfriend for 18 months

Sort of thing the husband and I would do to each other about our own kids tbh.

I give my 8 year old the middle finger behind her back quite frequently

I’m pretty shocked that people give their children the middle finger, behind their backs or not. At first, I thought people must be joking -surely they couldn’t be serious. But it seems they really do.

@Teeshirt I take it you don't have teenagers

I do, and older.