Page 2 | Am I overreacting? Re: Swearing

dandelionsandaisies · 2022-11-07T18:45:54+00:00

So I was Facetiming my boyfriend earlier and he asked how my DC (8) was. I said yeah fine, and he said “tell her I love her” which I did. The reply from her was an “okay” cos she was busy playing on her game. So my bf jokingly put his middle finger 🖕🏻 up. Aibu to be upset by this? WWYD?

NC12345665 · 07/11/2022 19:17

How long have you been dating? It's a bit weird he's saying he loves her.

VBF · 07/11/2022 19:17

dandelionsandaisies · 07/11/2022 19:09

She was in another room so she didn’t see it. I didn’t like it though and I do think it’s sort of passive aggressive.

I'm confused you are upset at a silent gesture he made that he must have known she wouldn't see if it was on face time? It sounds like he made a joke to the woman he cares about teasing about the kids response. Has he misjudged the age a little? Yes (I feel strongly that this interaction if she was a teen would be quite normal) but maybe he is still getting used to interacting with someone so young. He made the judgement to make a silent jest rather than say anything is how I read it. Unless there are some other massive red flags or patterns not mentioned it is clearly an unpopular opinion but I would just tell him not to do that if it bothers you and shrug it off...

strawberry2017 · 07/11/2022 19:18

It was a joke, so many people overreacting here.

Original poster

dandelionsandaisies · 07/11/2022 19:18

I don’t think I’ve ever swore at her through a door or otherwise.

It feels strange when he tells her he loves her. I think he loves me and wants me to think that he loves her but I think it’s a very surface level type of “love”

OP posts:

Acatnamedfox · 07/11/2022 19:20

This sort of thing absolutely sickens me. LTB OP hand gestures are one step away from physical abuse in my eyes, it starts here, who knows where it will end? Massive red flag.

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 07/11/2022 19:22

I think you're massively over-reacting if that's all it was. He knew she couldn't see him, it was a joke. DH and I stick the Vicks up at our teen behind the door all the time.

MichelleScarn · 07/11/2022 19:23

Acatnamedfox · 07/11/2022 19:20

This sort of thing absolutely sickens me. LTB OP hand gestures are one step away from physical abuse in my eyes, it starts here, who knows where it will end? Massive red flag.

Sticking a finger up in jest is one step away from physical abuse? What?!

Cheeeeislifenow · 07/11/2022 19:24

I don't like anything you have said about him op. It sounds to me like he is massively over stepping boundaries, I really don't ever say ltb....but the whole thing gives me the creeps.

Kanaloa · 07/11/2022 19:26

MilkshakesBringAllTheCoosToTheYard · 07/11/2022 19:22

I think you're massively over-reacting if that's all it was. He knew she couldn't see him, it was a joke. DH and I stick the Vicks up at our teen behind the door all the time.

Yeah - at YOUR teen. Not at your girlfriend’s your child who didn’t respond to your inappropriate declaration of love for her that her own mother found uncomfortable. There’s the difference.

Acatnamedfox · 07/11/2022 19:28

MichelleScarn · 07/11/2022 19:23

Sticking a finger up in jest is one step away from physical abuse? What?!

Show quote history

Apologies my sarcasm has completely thrown you.

I cannot believe the op has made a post about her bf flipping the bird, an immature reaction in a different room. Quite dramatic..

NotaCoolMum · 07/11/2022 19:30

How long have you been dating?

BricksHome · 07/11/2022 19:31

dandelionsandaisies · 07/11/2022 19:09

She was in another room so she didn’t see it. I didn’t like it though and I do think it’s sort of passive aggressive.

So not an issue at all then!
surely he was just having a joke that she wasn’t bothered ?

getoutof · 07/11/2022 19:31

I'm assuming she didn't see as she was playing on her game. My husband and I occasionally call our kids all sorts of names if we are 100% sure they can't hear us, this seems similar.

Cheeeeislifenow · 07/11/2022 19:32

I'm assuming she didn't see as she was playing on her game. My husband and I occasionally call our kids all sorts of names if we are 100% sure they can't hear us, this seems similar.

Yes but he is NOT her parent...

Chikapu · 07/11/2022 19:34

Acatnamedfox · 07/11/2022 19:28

Apologies my sarcasm has completely thrown you.

I cannot believe the op has made a post about her bf flipping the bird, an immature reaction in a different room. Quite dramatic..

Show quote history

Thank you for explaining it was sarcasm because I was reeling from your first reply.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 07/11/2022 19:34

What else is going on @dandelionsandaisies ?

TikNeres · 07/11/2022 19:34

Let's see how the red flag brigade answer this

I find the word 'brigade' - always used in this kind of context - genuinely really helpful.

I can immediately not waste my reading the rest of the post, as anyone opening with lazy, derogatory crap like that tends to have nothing much to offer any debate.

Original poster

dandelionsandaisies · 07/11/2022 19:35

18 months

OP posts:

Cosycover · 07/11/2022 19:35

It was only a joke.

Sounds like yous don't have the same sense of humour.

Theydoyaknow · 07/11/2022 19:38

Jesus Wept, cop on!

Original poster

dandelionsandaisies · 07/11/2022 19:39

@Chickenvoicesinmyhead his insecurities and jealousy often get the better of him, which can make him come across as controlling and possessive. He’s also not been very patient with dd in the past when it comes to bedtime etc and her playing up.

OP posts:

KillingLoneliness · 07/11/2022 19:40

How long has he known your DD for?
Again I’d have no issue with the swearing but that’s down to my sense of humour but I’m assuming he has only known her for a short time so it’s odd for him to say he loves her, does he feel like it’s something he is supposed to say?

NC12345665 · 07/11/2022 19:47

dandelionsandaisies · 07/11/2022 19:39

@Chickenvoicesinmyhead his insecurities and jealousy often get the better of him, which can make him come across as controlling and possessive. He’s also not been very patient with dd in the past when it comes to bedtime etc and her playing up.

Huge drip feed incoming...

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 07/11/2022 19:47

dandelionsandaisies · 07/11/2022 19:39

@Chickenvoicesinmyhead his insecurities and jealousy often get the better of him, which can make him come across as controlling and possessive. He’s also not been very patient with dd in the past when it comes to bedtime etc and her playing up.

Your DD comes first. Everytime. If something feels off. Trust your gut @dandelionsandaisies

5128gap · 07/11/2022 19:48

If you loved this guy and were comfortable with his interactions with your daughter and his attitude and behaviour in general, you'd have winced a bit and told him 'don't do that about her'.
The fact you're so bothered says it's just the latest amongst many things you're uncertain about.
If you're not ready to end it, cool it a bit and distance him from your DD.