To go on work trip away from breastfed baby?

[Janedoe95]

My mat leave is ending shortly and I met up with my boss who made a comment about wanting us to fly out to the US in spring

In spring my baby will be 1 AIBU to not want to fly to the US and leave my baby for 3/5 days?

I have a good career and obviously I know I could pump and will be doing that while DS is in nursery but I think it’s very far to travel away from such a young baby especially when he won’t understand what’s happening.

he also breastfeeds at night which I don’t plan on stopping so I think him not sleeping with me will be a shock

Im not sure if it will have a negative effect on my career to not want to go

You have absolutely plenty of time to get your baby to take breastmilk from a bottle. Plenty of time. Yabu.

YANBU. Your boss shouldn't dictate when you stop breastfeeding. Not all babies will accept a bottle and I don't think they should be able to make you spend that much time away from a young child either. Could you bring the baby and a carer with you?

Yanbu! No way could I have left my breastfed 1-year-olds for a few days and I found pumping very difficult. All of my colleagues who have had babies over the last few years were the same for at least the first 6 months after coming back to work, usually for the first year.

I did that. As soon as I returned to work I had a full week sales conference.

I chose to stop breastfeeding at that point because it was only a bedtime one.

DD was fine because I wasn't there. I on the other hand had watermelon boobs and had to take pills to help it!

YABU, I could understand a week but a few days is no big deal.

Yabu. It's exactly these issues that make employers wary about employing women likely to have children. If you want to remain in a post that includes overseas travel then you will need to work out how to leave your baby. The alternative is to move to a job that doesn't require if (most jobs do not).

So much criticism of why women don't get promoted equally yet ... It's months until then to establish bottles afterall nursery will use them.

My kids are adults now but I did change job because I couldn't do my job and be the mum I knew they deserved

Is there not some kind of compromise to be had? Speak to boss and say that you’ll travel the following year, as baby is still too young to be left at night.

Is it even healthy for the one year old to have their primary caregiver to dissappear for so long?

I thought it was 1 night away at 1 y/o
2 nights away at 2 y/o…. Etc.?

I did and it was fine. DH dealt with feeding ds expressed milk at night, and ds was well used to having bottles (although only in the day normally) and they coped fine. I worked up from one night away when ds was 9 months odd to the first week when he was one.

Missing the point but I would have loved a few nights away at that stage to get some uninterrupted sleep..

In seriousness though only you know what you're comfortable doing and what it would mean for you professionally to not go but you have enough time to practice some alternatives.

I managed to leave my BFed, bottle refuser for 4 days at 12m. I had thought we'd be winding down the feeds more when I said I'd go away when he was a young baby based on the experience of also BFed, bottle refusing DS1. DS2 was more keen on milk feeds than I'd anticipated.

Without me around he was fine and DH had no issues caring for him. I made extensive use of the breast pump to relieve engorgement, particularly on day 2. Getting home and him latching on immediately was one of the best feelings ever. At a year, supply is well established and it can usually withstand several days of absence.

I did this when DS was 16 months old, work trip to the US for a week. Still breastfeeding but mostly at night.

Was absolutely fine, did the odd pump for comfort but not much. DS ate and drank well while I was away and then actually picked up breastfeeding again once I was home. More generally I was worried me/baby would be sad but I loved having a few night peace and freedom and baby was happy as anything without me!

You're not unreasonable to not want to go.
I think a lot of people forget that breastmilk is not just about food. It is a love, a comfort, a cuddle. It is more than calories for sustenance. You can't bottle that to go. Most breastfed babies who have been EBF past 4-6 weeks old will refuse bottles anyway. You can't train them out of it. Believe me. I have desperately tried.
The only solution I can think of is that baby plus chaperone goes with you. But I reckon your work would say no to funding it, and I'd imagine it would be expensive to fund yourself.

😂

is this a joke?

Compromise might be possible. My employer paid for childcare when I travelled abroad. I was speaking and having meetings at various conferences. I'd pop upstairs to give baby a feed every few hours. I used to hotel's recommended childcare supplier. My daughter and I went to New York, Moscow and Hong Kong that way. It was fun, and I exceeded my performance targets that year too. By contrast, short haul trips without baby were grim. Stressing about pumping enough to freeze. Stressing about getting back in time. Milking my swollen boobs in an airplane toilet was a horrific experience during one flight delay.

YANBU. Ignore any very dated suggestions that you could change your job because you are a BF mother- it's attitudes like that that allow employers to discriminate against working mums.

No.

Baby vwill be with a primary care giver ie the other parent
He will be one year old not one month

Op if you want to make the trip you will
If you dont you wont

So where did you get this formula for days parents are allowed to stay away from their children for? I can’t find it on the NHS website?

It would be a no from me. My kids are 3 and 2. I've had to be away from home three times (just overnight) in my eldest child's life, but never in my youngest's. I would not be ready to do it. My choice.

Having said that, I've parked my career for the time being to be a sahm. I am not sure how critical being away is for your work. If it is, then maybe you have a choice to make.

If your maternity leave stops now, and your baby is 1 in spring, then you're going back to work when your baby is 5/6 months, or even less? By then your baby will not only be a lot bigger, they will also already be used to spending long stretches with (an)other carer(s), will not be breastfeeding on and off all day, and as you don't mention being a single parent, likely have a closely attached second carer on the scene.

Given all this, I'd relax about it for now and see what happens and how you feel when the time gets closer and you've settled back in work.

If it's getting through winter and you still don't feel comfortable, then you need to review your work terms and then have a discussion with your management. To me it's very reasonable for a mother not to want to travel, but at this age, also not reasonable to expect your work to accommodate this at all costs.

No need to take it so personally and get snappy.

It’s a big a shock to so young, for the person who’s there so much and then gone.
It made sense to me, cause the baby doesn’t understand.
So it made sense to me.

Try and not get so angry and defensive.

I returned to work when my baby was 7 months old. I had a one night overnight trip away the week after I went back, which was quite tricky as I was still breastfeeding or pumping about 4-5 times a day so I had to do a lot of pumping on the move, but I made it work.

Then I had to do a 4 day transatlantic trip when my baby was just under a year old. By then we were down to just morning and night feeds and we had swapped out his afternoon bottle for cow's milk. I took my pump with me and pumped and dumped morning and evening just to keep my supply going. We had enough breastmilk in the freezer for him for those four days.

Then when he was 13 months old I did a 5 day transatlantic trip. Again I tried to pump while I was away but it was a lot of effort and I was hardly getting anything out by that point. The main thing was to ensure my supply didn't dry up, and it seemed to be OK when I got back.

He kind of gradually weaned himself over the next couple of months and I stopped altogether at about 15 months.

What do you want to do? There is no right or wrong awnser as long as your baby will be looked after by someone else who loves them if you go away. I would try to cut out the night feeds or replace with a bottle instead of boob leading up to the trip if you do decide to go.

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