To go on work trip away from breastfed baby?

[Janedoe95]

My mat leave is ending shortly and I met up with my boss who made a comment about wanting us to fly out to the US in spring

In spring my baby will be 1 AIBU to not want to fly to the US and leave my baby for 3/5 days?

I have a good career and obviously I know I could pump and will be doing that while DS is in nursery but I think it’s very far to travel away from such a young baby especially when he won’t understand what’s happening.

he also breastfeeds at night which I don’t plan on stopping so I think him not sleeping with me will be a shock

Im not sure if it will have a negative effect on my career to not want to go

I would also add that I live outside the UK and have left my baby with his dad for two weekends so I could go back to the UK for a weekend and see my friends. Once when he was 15 months and once at 19 months. The reason I felt comfortable doing this was because I had already been away for longer for work and I knew he would be just fine with his dad for a few days!

I’m not sure you are replying to the right person there?

I was just asking where you found this information about age/leaving children ratio?

Thank you, from the comments maybe I’m overly attached but I agree with you I don’t want to be apart from my baby at all. I don’t need a break or “peace and quiet” I love being around my DS and more importantly I’m certain he’d be upset if I wasn’t there.

in regard to the other replies I do have a partner and we both do bedtime but sometimes my baby only wants me and that’s fine.

Also traveling outside the UK isn’t a requirement of my job and if anything would be more of a social trip just to put faces to names m. Also I am a mother and a woman I don’t think I should have to act like a man and pretend I don’t have a family to have a successful career.

Being away from a 1 year old for 3-5 days for work is hardly "pretending like you don't have a family" fgs.

I used to travel to the US for work at least 6 times a year. My youngest was 9mo when I first went and I thought it'd impact breastfeeding....she finally stopped at 5yrs old

I still wouldn’t want to now and she’s 2!

I went away for a week when my son was 13 months. I expressed loads. Left loads of breast milk for him that my dad gave him (dad looked after him for the week). It was fine. I was anxious but so glad I went. Was good for him too.

No it’s not but as another person has pointed out it’s it’s apparently issues like this that women aren’t promoted as much as men and why businesses worry about hiring women..

my point is I shouldn’t have to be afraid to acknowledge that when I’m breastfeeding and have a young baby flying abroad will impact my family.

I also want to point out I’m not against women working away I just wanted to discuss how I felt and see if people think I’m being unreasonable.

im the child of a working mother myself who traveled abroad for a few days almost every week whilst I was growing up and I definitely hated it from the time I can remember

Surely a 1yr old should be able to sleep through the night in their own bed??

My DD1 was ebf and completely refused a bottle. never took one despite going to nursery from 6 months (had a sippy cup at nursery). I could not have left her overnight at 12mo because she still wanted feeding, even though I badly wanted a break by that point. I found I was trapped & hated it

DD2 had a bottle of formula each day from 7 weeks and it would have been possible to leave her, but I didn't want to by that point. I did take her to several conferences / work events with me between 4 and 12 months but only when I had a colleague-babysitter to help out.

Anyway, you need to think about

• will baby reliably take a bottle?
• do you want to travel?

If you don't want to travel now, think about what point you will be able to travel. It would be better to say to the boss 'I can't travel in Jan but I will be fine to travel by July' or whatever you are comfortable with.

Ha Ha! neither of my children slept through the night before 18 months!

My 12 year old misses me when I'm away longer than 2 nights and I miss her.

This may be colouring your view.

If you’re mat leave is over then you may be feeling quite a lot of mixed emotions that may resolve by March.

Alternatively if you really need to go, take baby and someone to look after them and make it a trip. Or at least suggest it to boss - expenses paid naturally

I had to leave DD1 when she was 9ths for a week for a family emergency which took me to the other side of the world. I was sure she would wean fully while I was away, but she was fine and we picked back up when I got back. she ended up breast feeding to 21 moths.

but the bigger question is are you ready to be away? I had done a few nights away, 2 max prior to that trip, and she had always been with H.

it isn’t about baby, they will be fine, but it is about how you feel.

😂😂😂😂

@Janedoe95 I am a mother and a woman I don’t think I should have to act like a man and pretend I don’t have a family to have a successful career.

I bet many of the women saying they couldn't be away from their 2 year olds overnight also couldn't understand why you would go back to work with a baby who is 5 or 6 months old.

But you're making the best choices you can, with the best knowledge of your own family. So are others, we're not 'pretending to be men. For that matter, many women voluntarily to spend the night away - Duchess Kate for example gets a lot of praise for being a great mum, but she left her eldest for a week at 9 months old, so she and William could have an holiday in the Maldives. Not for me, but also really rankles when people are so rude about those of us travelling to put food on the table.

I wouldn’t leave mine and travel abroad when they are children let alone infants. If it’s not a necessity for your role then I would decline and think you are well within your rights to do so.

my DH travels abroad for work and doesn’t seem to have a problem with frequent trips away so maybe breastfeeding does play a role or we just have different ideas, either way, it seems to be easier for men to do this unfortunately and I hope that you are penalised for not wanting to leave your baby.

If you have a good relationship with your boss, it might be worth chatting to him about what the trip is for, what the goals are, who will be there etc.

If as you say it's more of a social event, maybe there's still time now to think about how you might achieve the same goals without this trip, e.g. if it's to meet counterparts in your own company maybe they could visit the UK, or if it's a conference maybe you could go to the European one in autumn instead of the US one in spring (examples).

Don't stress about something yet if it's just a suggestion so far - heck maybe your boss just thought it would be a nice treat for you and didn't think through the logistics? There might be no pressure at all!

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Only one of mine slept through aged 1, and I have 4!

I would just chat to your boss about it when you return to work. The timing of the trip may not be critical so it can be delayed or you miss this one and go next time. If you never want to travel abroad for work because you have children that could become career limiting, but if its just a matter of timing for what is essentially a social trip, most employers are reasonably accommodating.

I am a single parent and make no apologies for needing to prioritise my family over work and other times its vice versa. This hasn't prevented me from reaching a board level role. If they're a decent employer, you're good at your job and they value you, then it's give and take on either side.

i would ask your employer about a breastmilk shipping service. Some companies include it as part of travel protocols.

YANBU either way. Mine were BF until 2.5 and 5 respectively, I went back to work at 7 months and I travel loads for work. Neither of them took a bottle. I didn't do anything special to prepare them, just went.

Babies were fine. I was nuts with sleep deprivation and a dark quiet hotel room was bliss. They did just fine with their dad, food, and a cup. They also slept loads better when I wasn't there of course.

You would need to pump (I just pumped and dumped) but by day 3 it's usually subsiding. Take breastpads and spare tops. Your supply will come straight back as soon as you latch on when you're home. American websites are quite good on this as they all go back to work right away (although they also seem to love FedExing frozen milk).

Don't overthink the mechanics of it. BF, especially once established, is really very flexible. If you want to go, the breastfeeding will be fine.

I have never heard this in my life! Mine are teens and never left them for longer than 2 days (although when they are older, school trips etc for 5 days). YANBU, they could do zoom meetings these days

The formula of 2 days at 2 I mean