To go on work trip away from breastfed baby?

[Janedoe95]

My mat leave is ending shortly and I met up with my boss who made a comment about wanting us to fly out to the US in spring

In spring my baby will be 1 AIBU to not want to fly to the US and leave my baby for 3/5 days?

I have a good career and obviously I know I could pump and will be doing that while DS is in nursery but I think it’s very far to travel away from such a young baby especially when he won’t understand what’s happening.

he also breastfeeds at night which I don’t plan on stopping so I think him not sleeping with me will be a shock

Im not sure if it will have a negative effect on my career to not want to go

Very, very well said. The last couple of sentences in particular.

My baby is a similar age and it would be a not now from me, unless I could bring the baby.
In a previous job I saw this facilitated quite a few times but with shorter travel distances involved.

I went back to work full time when DT’s were six months (normal maternity leave then). I didn’t breastfeed but had to regularly travel around the world when they were still babies (and still do). Of course I missed them but they have another parent who is perfectly capable of caring for them.
I work in Corporate Finance and men and women are treated the same as to which clients you work for regardless of where in the world they are based. Don’t be difficult over this trip - it’s not helpful for equality in the workplace

Gosh there are some shitty comments on this thread. "Surely a one year old should be able to sleep through the night?" And what if they don't? Not all do. Really unhelpful and judgey.

Op it's a very personal choice. I wouldn't be able to leave mine at that age and go so far away, not a chance. I know other mums who could without batting and eyelid.

We are all different, do what feels right for you. If it's going to negatively impact your career it's hard but you have to decide what comes first. This is why women struggle to have it all. My kids will always come first hence why I have a shit job 😂

Equality in the workplace will only be achieved when men and women have equal pay and promotions despite the differences between us, that relate to things like pregnancy and care of infants in particular. If we try to be like men in order to promote equality, that equality would be worthless.

I believe that legally your employer has to make a 'reasonable adjustment' as a breastfeeding mother. Based on a protected characteristic or be in breach of indirect sex discrimination.

Look at this case from maternity action. From some east jet stewardesses who were breast feeding.

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/continuing-to-breastfeed-when-you-return-to-work/

Be prepared that you may have to accept an alternative position if overseas travel is an essential part of your job role. The employer still has the right to have that role covered. They just can't fire you for refusal but will be within their rights to find you something similar (pay, conditions etc) that doesn't compromise the protected characteristic. (Being female - as breastfeeding - contrary to a lot of trendy nonsense is something that ONLY applies to a biological female)

Well said.

I’d not have felt okay with leaving any of mine at that age fine for people who do but mine woke and wanted me and fed etc. fine if that’s not what you do that’s individual choice but if it is then is there another way to manage this work wise? Mine co slept for at least part of the night at that age. If you aren’t ready and your child isn’t then it’s going to be difficult for both of you. I’d still find several days difficult with youngest DC who is 3.

Slightly different as I expressed so the baby was used to a bottle but I travelled for work from when I went back when mine was 6 months old. I built up a supply of expressed milk before trips and the baby had a mix of that and ready made formula while I was away. I pumped and dumped to maintain supply and had no issues continuing to express for her afterwards.

Please feel free to do overnight childcare at mine 😂

Also this issue isn't sleeping through so much as going to sleep in the breast / after a breast feed

I think you’d have a good argument not to go with a younger baby (6 months and younger) which was exclusively being breasted and not on solids.

Rightly or wrongly after you’ve been back from maternity for a while, baby is in nursery (eating solids and drinking milk) the argument isn’t as strong. From a practical point of view your baby doesn’t need to feed in the night. I get that you enjoy this time with your baby but a one year old doesn’t need milk in the night.

So it comes down to realistically that you don’t want to be apart from your baby for that long. Which is completely fair enough. But then you have career choices to make like most women do (and it shouldn’t be this way). As an aside many men would obviously be ok with not seeing their kids for days or even a week.

Only you know what your company is like and how supportive they are of mothers. I was made to do a trip overnight with a 6 month old baby my first week in the job - like a test. Nice. I didn’t stay long there.

YANBU. I couldn’t have done it.

What if she doesn’t want baby to take breastmilk from a bottle?

I never would have wanted that.

Also if baby is one, that’s a bad time to introduce a bottle as bottles should be ditched by one.

Thats not really the employer’s problem. If she breastfeeds for 3 more years, does that mean no work trips in that time? She’s either back at work or she isn’t, you can’t really do in betweens.

A one year old baby doesn’t need breastmilk or even formula. They will be eating solids and can drink cows milk.

It’s obviously great to continue to breast feed as long as you can but the baby will be fine at that age with no breast milk.

It’s a choice you have to make. Unfortunately you can’t have everything (which is why many of us had to retrain!).

OP said it isn’t a requirement of her job, so she’s well within her rights to turn it down for whatever reason she sees fit.

Like someone else said, a 1 year old doesn't need breast milk if they are eating solids. If you express enough for a few days and want to go away I don't see the issue. As long as you are comfortable.

She can but it will mark her card as somebody who probably isn’t up to promotion etc. so she can’t complain if that happens.

Women that aren’t breastfeeding also probably don’t like being away from their small children, it doesn’t make OP sacred or somehow less able to perform her role than any other mum.

Nobody said it did; no need to project.

I’m sure she’s aware of the career implications. I would be fine with that; my family is what’s important to me and would always come first.

I’m guessing you don’t have a 1 year old…

1 year olds often don’t sleep through the night and do need support and often will only accept it from a primary caregiver.

OP, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I’m surprised at the attitude of many people here actually. If you feel like you can go then you should absolutely go but if you feel like you shouldn’t and you don’t want to then that’s entirely acceptable. Your baby will still be so young and you’re not too attached for not wanting to be so far away from him, overnight, especially when you’re still breastfeeding!

YANBU! I definitely couldn't have left my son at that age, especially while still adjusting to being back at work.

Not unreasonable at all.

I’m out the other side of this so am going to be really frank and say it’s decision time for you. It should be totally do able for you to do a short trip to US now and then but I would stop breastfeeding. I think 1 is a reasonable cut off trying to maintain a career whilst breastfeeding is really really hard. You will hear lots of stories of really successful women pumping when they came back to the office but invariably they returned after 6 weeks. There isn’t always so much workplace tolerance as to why you can’t leave your 1 year old for a few days. I would however be careful about limiting travel and creating boundries around how much travel you will do.

You need to look at building the type of career you want. I did the travel but I looked for 4 days and some flexibility and that worked for me.

It’s not acceptable though if it’s vital for your job.