To go on work trip away from breastfed baby?

[Janedoe95]

My mat leave is ending shortly and I met up with my boss who made a comment about wanting us to fly out to the US in spring

In spring my baby will be 1 AIBU to not want to fly to the US and leave my baby for 3/5 days?

I have a good career and obviously I know I could pump and will be doing that while DS is in nursery but I think it’s very far to travel away from such a young baby especially when he won’t understand what’s happening.

he also breastfeeds at night which I don’t plan on stopping so I think him not sleeping with me will be a shock

Im not sure if it will have a negative effect on my career to not want to go

Absolutely no - what a response. YANBU. Not all babies will drink from a bottle, your baby is unlikely to settle at night without your breasts, pumping does not empty your breasts in the same way and you will end up with very engorged breasts and possibly get very ill with mastitis, your baby will be very distressed without you and without the comfort of breastfeeding, it will probably be the end of your breastfeeding journey.
it is perfectly reasonable to say no to being away from such a young baby for so long - even without the breastfeeding. I have three children and my youngest is 16 months old. I will not work late because I refuse to miss bedtime. Working away is a big no for me - not until she is older and no longer breastfed. I have explained the situation to my bosses and they are understanding.

There’s no right or wrong answer, just whichever feels right. It is quite a few months away from now so can you just say to your boss you will make a decision when you actually go back to work? Baby likely will have changed a fair bit by then so you can make an accurate judgement

The baby will be drinking from a bottle at nursery 🤷🏽‍♀️

It's very dramatic to say 'it will probably be the end of your breastfeeding journey'. My experience and the experience of many, many women is that that isn't the case. By 1, the baby will be in childcare anyway- so used to going long periods without feeding (although mine used to catch up at night).

I actually found those work trips (and still do- off for a week next week) incredibly good for my well-being as well. Being able to really focus on work and my professional identity for a while rebuilt my confidence and reminded me I was actually great at what I do. Pumping a couple of times a day was a small payoff (and I HATED pumping).

As others have said you may feel differently when you're back at work, so why not keep a watching brief?

(Nb the babies were not 'very distressed' and in fact slept like a dream)

Avoiding unnecessary disruption to attachments is creating a positive stable base for your infant. Sounds like that's your instinct too, so follow that? We can't pretend it doesn't affect employment progression, but I would hope that it can be accommodated without detriment to you. Going wouldn't be a terrible decision either imo, if you prepare and feel ready.

No right or wrong. Do what you feel is best. Being a parent is mostly compromise and making difficult choices.
I personally would go and I would be looking to end breast feeding anyway when fully weaned on to solids but everyone is different.

I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable with - 1 is still quite young, though everyone will have done different things. For me, I think mine were older than 18 months when I started to do international trips again (infrequently) - but that’s no line in the sand, just what worked for us.
I would just add that my children don’t seem to mind at all when I’m away - they do miss me of course but not badly, and DH is great and would certainly mention if they had been unsettled. It’s all just “slightly weird for a few days then yay hi mum”. They’re keen to tell me all about it when I’m back, ask me questions about what I’ve been doing, etc - it’s not a big deal. They’re teens now. Just wanted to share that it isn’t always awful for kids when mum is away.

I think it's important you concentrate both on your child and your career. It's a few days away and your DH will cope. You and express plenty between now and then and freeze it. You have many responsibilities you need to juggle, your child isn't being abandoned, just different for a few days - they'll be fine!

It is a choice and it’s your choice but you can’t expect employers to say you don’t have to go or can go the year after if it’s what they need you to do.
Those saying this is outdated might want to consider if OP will actually have a job to put food on the table if every employee Cherry picks the parts of the job they are willing to do.
If you don’t want to do this, the best option might be alternative employment that can accommodate your wishes.

The trip may not even happen and you have plenty of time to prepare. Dads have to travel for their work when they may not want to.

Very conflicting views on this thread.

I was in the same boat. I am office based with occasional travel (sometimes only once or twice a year) and was supposed to go a few hours away for a week and I postponed a few months. It wouldn't have worked for me, I could never get on well with pumping and it never drained my boobs enough, so I would have been very engorged and sore even though I tried and tried to do it, it wasnt as efficient as pumping. My babies would not take a bottle either, they flat refused despite repeated distressing attempts and disproving the 'they'll take a bottle if they're hungry enough' theory. It was too soon for me and them. Plus when you've had a few months out at work you (or I did anyway) needed some time to catch up. I did a client meeting the day after I joined back the second time and it was awful, I was a bit rusty.

I hate the 'this is why women don't get promoted threads'. If you've got a decent employer, they should be keen to support mothers back into the workplace and be ok with 'this sounds a great trip but I will still be breastfeeding and will need a few more months before I can be away from the baby for more than a night at a time otherwise my boobs will explode' which is what I had to tell my company. I also had to turn down a client entertainment when I went back when baby was 10 months old as I was still rushing home to feed at that point. I popped in and showed my face for an hour but couldn't do the whole night.

I did do my trip when the baby was a bit older (got rearranged for 18 months and was fine, would have been ok from 15 for us I think), and I did get promoted. It's only for a few months. They never treated it like it was a big deal as I'd been working there 15 years at at time so saying you cant do things out of work time for just a few months isnt massive in the grand scheme of things

The only thing is if travel for you is ad hoc and not part of your normal role. If your role is road based or based around an expectation of travelling regularly abroad then YABU and will have to sort a way to stop breastfeeding befor

Source? Cos I've had a Google and it looks like you've just pulled this out of your arse.

This is all nonsense, I'm sorry.

Age 1 is peak separation anxiety. Your baby will be confused and upset. I couldn’t do it.

Dads don’t breastfeed though so it is completely different.

I was still feeding morning and night until Dc were almost 2.

But it would have been the leaving of them rather than the feeding. After 1, they fed because I was there. I did go on work trips but only 1 night. Could not have left them for 4.

Do what you are comfortable with.

Which part is nonsense?!
you may not agree with breastfeeding but none of what I have said is nonsense!

None of my 3 children would drink milk from a bottle at that age, pumping did not fully empty my breasts, breasts that are not fully emptied become engorged, engorged breasts leads to mastitis (which is incredibly painful and debilitating and needs medication asap), a baby that is used to being breastfed during the day and night will absolutely be distressed if that is taken away from them completely.

It is difficult juggling a career and small children. I have breastfed all three of my children and it has meant changes with my work. I can’t/won’t go away on work trips or work on location for long days, and I insist on leaving so that I am always home for bedtime. My employer has been 100% supportive of me and I am very lucky. If I hadn’t had children then I know I would be much more successful in my job and would have climbed the ladder. But I have put my family first and I don’t regret it. I can put my career first when they are older. It is a choice and something you need to think about really.
i personally couldn’t have left my child at that age -breastfeeding makes it impossible really, but even without it I think it would have been a no for me.
I don’t think you are overly attached at all.

Your whole shitck about breastfed babies not taking bottles and pumping not emptying breasts. That might have been the case for you but it's far from universal.

Thousands of women exclusively pump for months or years at a time without getting mastitis, and thousands of babies are combi fed for months or years at a time without any issues.

You might have struggled, but that's your bad luck and there's every chance that OP, like many many many other women, will be able to pump and bottle feed her baby without any mishaps.

also, at a year, her baby can have cows milk from a cup, so your whole bottle-feeding argument is moot.

YANBU.
I am a working mother but I have definitely put my children over my career and it has stalled (if not reversed) my career progression. That was a choice I made and it is one you will probably have to make too. IMO, I don’t think women of small children can have it all. My DH is incredibly supportive but even so, I breastfeed so I need to be present and I want to be there with my children.

OP you need to ascertain if this trip is essential to your job and/or it can be delayed.

Only then will you need to decide what to do.

If it is an essential trip that cannot be postponed, then assuming that you will still be bf, and tha they have made sufficient adjustments for you to be ale to pump (and store? FedEx?) the milk then you are deciding between making a sensible plan to leave dc with their other, capable parent, or quit your job.

Otherwise all this discussion is pointless.

Depending on why you're going could you try to do it via teleconference or take the baby and a carer with you? You're being a bit unreasonable but as a fellow new mother I understand it.

• I bf'd for well over a year but by 12m it was a comfort feed at bedtime only, my exh was useless and only ever changed a handful of nappies, so I didn't leave him with ds for more than a few hours until he was weaned, toilet trained and able to ask for snacks/toilet/story etc. 🙄

OP has stated that she breastfeeds during the night, which she doesn’t intend to stop doing. So she doesn’t want to give cows milk from a cup, she wants her baby to have breast milk - and have you ever tried settling a breastfed baby back to sleep in the middle of the night with cows milk from a cup?!
also, OP doesn’t exclusively pump, she breastfeeds and she hasn’t said she combi feeds. So she will most likely get engorged as unlike the many many women you mentioned who usually pump and exclusively breastfeed, this won’t be usual for her and her breasts will be used to being emptied by a baby and not a pump.

I think the main point is that OP has stated that she breastfeeds and that she doesn’t intend to stop breastfeeding. So going away for several days will affect how she is breastfeeding - whether the baby is old enough for cows milk in a cup or not.