To go on work trip away from breastfed baby?

[Janedoe95]

My mat leave is ending shortly and I met up with my boss who made a comment about wanting us to fly out to the US in spring

In spring my baby will be 1 AIBU to not want to fly to the US and leave my baby for 3/5 days?

I have a good career and obviously I know I could pump and will be doing that while DS is in nursery but I think it’s very far to travel away from such a young baby especially when he won’t understand what’s happening.

he also breastfeeds at night which I don’t plan on stopping so I think him not sleeping with me will be a shock

Im not sure if it will have a negative effect on my career to not want to go

But that’s the implication isn’t it? If a mum was posting here to say she couldn’t do a work trip as ‘her toddler will only settle for her’, posters would point out how unsustainable that is for any working person, and it’s the toddler’s routine that needs to be changed rather than the workplace’s. It’s only because breastfeeding is involved that so many posters get defensive.

Until 12 months I can understand as milk is a necessity until that point, but a year of ‘special treatment’ is all that can be reasonably expected.

YANBU.
I left my daughter for 2 nights at that age and it didn't impact breastfeeding but no way would I have travelled so far for so long. It's not as easy as "just giving them a bottle"
If you're penalised for that then surely that amounts to discrimination on the basis of your sex. Pregnancy and maternity are also protected characteristics.

Spring is a long way away. You said your boss mentioned going away, but was he floating the idea to try to scare you into leaving your job? Also, is the trip a team build jolly or an expo, or would you be going out specifically to see client or suppliers.
I personally wouldn't have been happy going away for a few days when my babies were a year old, but we are all different.

Yeh, except in this instance the OP has said it’s not a requirement of her job so I’m not sure how relevant that is?

@Welshmonster you can't compare an exclusively breastfeeding mother to a father, no matter how hands on they are. It's an entirely different relationship.

@Redflower2 agree! And I bet plenty of responders on here didn't breastfeed either...

Yanbu. What I would say is that spring is a long time away in baby time - there will have been so much development by then and you may feel ready. Every baby is different. That said, my baby would not have been okay to have been apart from me at that age, she still fed 2 hourly through the night and things like teething and illnesses picked up at nursery just prolonged that.

In your position I might be up front now about saying that is too soon for an overseas trip for a bf mother. This will give your employer time to find someone else to go and the trip will not be hanging over you.

Be careful to put that you are breastfeeding in writing so that you have evidence you told them. Many women experience discrimination upon return from mat leave so cover yourself so you have the evidence you need should things go pear shaped.

And well done for BF your baby, it's bloody hard work.

I think that if you say you are not prepared to travel because you don’t want to leave your one year old baby then that won’t be looked upon favourably career wise. Unless you have a very understanding boss. That’s why you have to start making certain choices.

I don’t think ‘my baby doesn’t like to be apart from me’ would wash in many industries after 6+ months of maternity.

But at 12m baby won't be exclusively bf. Once weaning, milk becomes much less nutritionally valuable assuming accees to a wide variety of foods. Emotionally there is still a huge benefit, but by 12m a baby will generally have great attachment to dad, grandparents, nursery staff etc.

@Gruffling but the legal protections don’t entitle you to get out of work trips ‘because bfing’. They just have to cover health and safety (ie not make you work in a role where you are handling chemicals that could affect the milk) and enable you to apply for (but not necessarily be granted) flexible working. If a person in her role would ordinarily be asked to go on the trip, breastfeeding doesn’t change that.

It would be disruptive. Just say no, and explain why.

Breastfeeding has benefits for mum and baby long after 12 months, which is usually when mothers return to work.

You cannot compare a toddler not settling to a breastfeeding toddler precisely because of this. The breastfeeding element is key and employers should support breastfeeding mothers for as long as they wish to breastfeed.

You'll be fine. Anything could happen in that time and baby will be mostly on solids by one anyway. I'd just see how it goes and plenty of time to see how weaning etc goes yet.

But nobody’s saying she can’t continue breastfeeding. Just that the toddler will need to be settled without it for a couple of nights. You’re being dramatic.

I had a 4 night conference in Vegas when my baby was 8 months old. I had been back at work since 12 weeks so was established with expressing milk. My husband managed fine, he just had to get up for night feeds. My company now has a service that overnights milk back to the baby, which would have been great. Agree with other posters, if you’re back at work and your job involves travel, you can’t expect special treatment?

@Cuppasoupmonster I wouldn’t allow my breastfeeding journey to be jeopardised like that.

@Shanster Travel is not a requirement of her job.

Jeopardised like what? Spending a few nights away and pumping? Many mums do it, and resume breastfeeding when they get home. You sound enormously precious and as I said before, dramatic.

@Cuppasoupmonster Not every breastfed mother is able to pump.

Therefore is she went away and wasn’t able to express she would be risking mastitis.

The going away bit I wouldn't mind so much, but don't do what I did and breastfeed your DC all through the night up until you go away. I went away for two nights and was in absolute agony because of the two rock solid nearing on exploding boobs strapped onto my front. Ouch.

Of course YANBU. I would not leave my baby for any longer than one night whether they were breastfed or not.

You don't want to do it and it's not essential for your job, so no, don't do it.

Unless you pump regularly, you could be in a lot of discomfort and lose your supply during that long a trip. It also might be difficult to reestablish BF afterwards.

If travelling abroad isn't a job requirement I would just tell your boss that you aren't interested as baby is too young and still breastfeeding. I second not wanting to be away from mine overnight either. I don't need or want a break in that way.

Op isn't judging other mums who do travelling as bring a part of their job and is only talking about her own situation. You do you op.

There’s a difference to travel being a specific part of the job and being expected from time to time..the OP should have some idea whether she can easily say ‘I can’t do that trip I don’t want to be away from my baby’ or not.

I personally don’t think many companies would be supportive with a year old baby. And therefore there will be an impact on her career if she refuses based on those grounds. But she may have a rare, supportive, understanding boss.

Most are, and do it very successfully. Your supply won’t vanish in a few days if you pump. If breastfeeding was that precarious then the human race wouldn’t be here today.

She's going back to work now, when her child is 5/6 months. Unless it's a very remarkable job that is letting her actually breastfeed regularly during the day, she will be used to pumping and the baby will be used to bottles (and potentially formula also).