Not sure whether to be a sahm or not

[Flowerpicker1]

Had 2 under 2. My maternity leave is now coming to an end following the birth of my 2nd dc. Neither dc are in nursery. DH is on a good wage.

Have been given the option not to return to work if I don't want to. Dh can cover us. It would be part not full time anyway.3 days.

Not sure what to do. On one hand I'd love to be there for all of my dcs childhood but on the other I worry if I would cope. We don't have any family or support nearby.

If you work would you rather be a sahm and not put your children in nursery? Or have you done this and loved it/regretted it?

Society already is fairly child friendly

Women have lots of scope.

What we need to work on is more flexibility for men

It's very sector dependent.
Some sectors/roles will be more conducive to longer periods out of the job. Others not so much .....

People generally have a good idea how it works in their own roles

So, presumably, you would have delayed, or interrupted, or disrupted returning to the workplace if necessary, in order to ensure you had appropriate childcare in place that suited the needs of your children.

@Puddywoodycat I think balance is the way forward and I don't want to sleep walk into a default, you have a baby and you put that baby into nursery.

Another strawman. Who said that?

PS there are lots of different types of childcare, not just the 9-5, 5-day babybusting nursery. There are grandparents, childminders, nannies.

Why do sahms all seem to presume that the only option is baby jail for 90 hours a week?

🙄

So it's a fact then? This: because it IS best for the child to have a fulfilled working mother, high quality childcare (which I researched and settled her into) during the work day is a fact, and not just your opinion?

Just want to be clear.

As most working parents do, they would have researched childcare well before the return date to minimise the disruption. Yes, I would have delayed the return to work but that would not be ideal (and pretty bad planning because after a year, the employer does not keep a job open for me).

To get the nursery of our choice, I put dd's name down from almost birth and we got it. I applied for pt flex working in my role but that was refused by my
employer so I moved sideways into a role which did allow flex working.

I don't want to say any more about what I did because another poster accused me of making it about me. I am merely answering your direct question.

But that is revealing an unconscious bias if you are basically arguing you won’t be able to work as a doctor or dentist again if you have taken time out of the workplace, but should be allowed to work in those professions if you start from scratch. You talk about retraining - it’s not retraining if you haven’t started training, yet. The unconscious bias is this idea that if you take time out, you can’t go back - and it results in a major and unnecessary permanent loss of skills to the workplace, because appropriate retraining is not offered, on the assumption that someone will have forgotten virtually everything they have ever been taught.

Oh I see what is getting your heckles. Wondering why there is a feeding frenzy around this. No, not a fact. It is my personal experience in response to a post of similar categoricalness.

All of them? Baby jail? 90 hours per week?

What a helpful comment. Really encourages intelligent debate.

And retraining is precisely about returning to a job or career you have not done for a very long time.

No it's not.
Retraining refers to training in a new section or profession.

You are not really living in the real world if you think doctors and dentists can just waltz back in with 'retraining'. They are supposed to keep their training up-to-date with CPD. It is not quite shelf stacking.

Heckles No, mine are quite un-raised. Not sure why you think otherwise - my post was brief and quite lacking in any drama.

You presented your opinion as a fact. Just checking that it was of course, just your own experience, and not based on anything more expansive than that.

I loved being a sahm. I understand it isn't for everyone.
I could never have missed all the milestones, or handed mine over to someone to look after them instead of me.
They had a busy social life, I had lots of friends, I never regretted a day of it. I also did academic courses once they were in school and gained a doctorate
I'm not far off 60 now and would do the same again.

@TikNeres

Sense of humour bypass?

Or post platitudes and clichés and act like they're unique to sahms?

But that is revealing an unconscious bias if you are basically arguing you won’t be able to work as a doctor or dentist again if you have taken time out of the workplace,
O I haven't dated that. But you will need to either update your skills or maintain your skills during your absence from the workplace.

but should be allowed to work in those professions if you start from scratch. You talk about retraining - it’s not retraining if you haven’t started training, yet. The unconscious bias is this idea that if you take time out, you can’t go back - and it results in a major and unnecessary permanent loss of skills to the workplace, because appropriate retraining is not offered, on the assumption that someone will have forgotten virtually everything they have ever been taught.

I don't think you know what retraining or unconscious bias is!! You've used both terms incorrectly multiple times now.
I don't have an unconscious bias towards people returning to work. However, I have detailed knowledge about the labour market.

Yes, I see that. It is the posts that present opinion as if it were incontrovertible unproveable 100% fact that are most annoying. Apologies for the confusion.

• training in a new sector

My df was a doctor - I am fully aware of the CPD requirements, etc. Also fully aware that you are revealing your own unconscious bias if you believe anyone returning to medicine after a few years will be incapable of retraining and will just expect to “waltz back.”

If we want women to be able to take career breaks and return to work with bi bias, we have to make men do the same.

I wonder what they could do in their career break?

🤔

How long of a career break did your oh tale @Walkaround ?

Not really. Your comment read like a yet another tired ol' takedown of SAHMs peppered with hyperbole, but I'll take your word for it that it was a joke.

ok, my df and db are doctors. Do I win?