For asking my Ukrainian guest to get a job so they can move out?

[Erith1985]

Wondering if anyone else is going through the same thing.

I’ve been hosting a Ukrainian guest at my house for six months. I’m appalled by the war and I have a big spare room with its own bathroom and so although I normally live alone by choice, I offered up my room. The first few months were ok, they are clean and tidy and were out and about a fair amount so we didn’t get in each other’s way. We didn’t discuss length of stay when they first arrived because I didn’t want them to feel unwelcome. I figured I would bring it up when they got a job.

That hasn’t happened. They say they have been sending off their CV and getting some interviews, but they haven’t secured anything. It seems they have only been looking at jobs in their previous sector, and that they have pretty high salary expectations since they’re complaining about the 45% tax rate. In the meantime, they’ve now settled into a routine that means they are at home nearly all the time - coming down to cook three times a day and only seeming to leave the house to go to the gym or the job centre, and spend most of the time in between instagramming. It feels like the heating and / or the oven is constantly on and they aren’t very communicative so when we’re in the shared space at the same time it feels awkward.

We finally had the conversation a month or so ago to say that I would like my hosting to end at the end of November, which they accepted on the basis that they were sure they would have secured one of the jobs they were going for by then, but there’s no sign of that being the case. When I ventured that they might need to look at work that wasn’t their first choice sector, they looked at me like I was mad and said that they’d rather start her own business (!) They’ve also mentioned several times how expensive flats in our area are and how they needs the big salary they want to be able to afford it.

I’m really just at a loss for how to handle this situation - I obviously won’t be turfing them out on the streets but how do I make them see that they might have to accept work that is not their ideal and work towards it? And / or rent a room that is outside of London to be able to afford it? They have great language skills, and there’s no reason they couldn’t find work other than they aren’t willing to consider something which isn’t their “dream job” and furthering their career; I totally get wanting that, but not at the expense of being able to support yourself. I’m worried that I am now just stuck hosting as long as they want me to, and the Council have been no help (basically got a letter saying “no other hosts available and we hope you’ll help them as long as they need you”.)

Am I being unreasonable for wanting them to work harder at getting a job (any job) so that I can have my house back?

@Heatherland77 in theory refugees are not meant to work while their cases are being assessed because the state they are in should be supporting them and not putting undue pressure. In practice, it often puts them in much conditions because the British asylum system is terrible

ie. asylum seekers are not allowed to work assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1114501/Permission_to_work_and_volunteer.pdf

once your asylum has been granted and you are a refugee - then you can. the system was made different for Ukrainian migrants - in the UK and also in the EU. Therefore, they have been granted automatic right of work.

You are so right ! I can’t understand why people cannot work and contribute this way with taxes even while waiting on a decision . Fir sure that would ease the cost and allow this people often fleeing awful situations to feel sone sense of normality . I cannot even imagine someone’s mental health being cooped up in a detention centre if crappy hotel for years

@Erith1985 you may have made some progress since first posting. I am also hosting (and it is going really well even though I’m now aware that I didn’t fully think it through at the outset but was just so desperate to help someone!). I just wanted to draw attention to the fact that we are only asked to provide free accommodation; when it comes to utility bills there is no reason why you can’t ask for a contribution.

However, I do appreciate that there are more issues for you than just that, and I hope you are able to sort something out soon. There are quite a few Ukrainians moving on now that the first 6 months is coming to an end. Our local Council is putting some into local hotels. Pretty sure our Government never had a plan for post-6 months!

My guest has now left and it's taken me two days of deep cleaning to get the room to a normal state. Room not hoovered or dusted for six months, despite me leaving the hoover outside their room.

Did your guest ever get a job?
My guest refused all job offers, they've gone to another sponsor now (I'm glad) I was very worried about the high heating costs for them over the winter, she wanted at least 25c, I said 'no'.

They got a job that I found for them and they begrudgingly did it. Hours became less and less over time however. Just a lot of sitting around upstairs in the dressing gown all day...
25c is absolutely ridiculous in any situation. I hope this lady isn't trying to pressure her new hosts like this.
May you have a peaceful, relaxing, recovering Christmas :-)

The new host won’t be happy either. It’s a pity you couldn’t warn them they were taking in someone work-shy who needs tropical temperatures to sit around all day in her dressing gown. I wonder how they cope when they end up in housing that they have to heat on their UC.

I do wonder what to think about these situations. I am aware of lots of similar stories - won't work, unreasonable requests. I understand that no one leaves their country because of war without some degree of trauma, and that they may have unrealistic expectations on arrival but why would anyone think that, as a healthy adult, they would not need to work to find their place in a foreign country. And to fit into the household of the host who has generously invited them in.

I have my frustrations as a host and with the scheme but am so grateful when I read these stories that my guest is largely a delight and someone I'd be very proud of if she were my daughter.

The fault in the system is how slow it is. The Financial Times has an article today about huge backlogs in all kinds of bits of the state at present from the NHS to home office.
If we could assess cases within 2 weeks and remove the person then (with a right to appeal at their own cost from abroad) that might help deal with that is a very difficult situation on all sides both for tax payers funding the hotels when hardly able to heat their own homes and for those left in limbo waiting for years for appeal after appeal.

Sounds awful, you are entitled to have your home to yourself once more. You’ve done a wonderful thing and they are taking advantage. They should get any job that pays enough for them to rent somewhere (anywhere that they can afford).

A quick update - my guest is moving out at the beginning on January; the Council have found another family to host. It’s not ideal as I’d have liked the spare room free at Christmas for family to stay in but at least there is an end date in sight. Still no job, and I do wonder how things will go with the new host family if the guest doesn’t show a bit more willing. There does seem to be a misconception that the Council is all powerful and they’re to provide a house no matter what, even when I’ve tried to explain that this isn’t how it works. Without this other host family there was no plan B beyond me giving in and letting them stay on.

This thread has been helpful in helping me work out how to approach things, and I’d summarise the advice I’ve gleaned to others who are hosting or thinking of hosting as follows:

• Ideally have a very straitforward conversation before hosting begins or at the very beginning to set out expectations and timelines.
• Include the end date for your hosting up front. Be specific, not vague - when is the room no longer available and they will need to have found somewhere else and moved out.
• If you intend on asking for contributions to housework or bills, or have house rules you want followed, include this too.
• I think some kind of document would have been helpful that put all this in writing, particularly so they can run it through Google Translate to make sure nothing is lost in translation.
• Set out for your guest what the options are likely to be at the end of hosting. Shelter has some helpful web pages on what support the Council ordinarily would / could offer, but be clear about the quality and availability of supported accommodation.
• Also be clear about what it takes to rent privately - deposit, proof of income etc - and encourage them to think backwards from the end of hosting to set themselves their own deadlines for finding work.
• If you live in a relatively affluent / expensive area, help your guest to consider whether another area is going to be more affordable.
• If you haven’t done this before or at the beginning of hosting, do it now ASAP to give your guest as much time with •all• the information as possible.

I’d still recommend hosting to anyone who can, I just wish I’d had a bit of advice like the above when I started out so that I didn’t feel so anxious about how to bring it to an end.

How's it going, OP? Have you got your house back?

My guest moved out last week, after 8 months of being with me. They’ve gone to another host, still no job. I really wish them well, but I am so glad to have my own space back.

I’m truly happy for you . Enjoy your home back , o think you where amazing for doing it this long . I wonder how long are people being sympathetic to those who refuse to help themselves. I almost pity the new host .

Most of the country is not even at war. Restaurants pubs and businesses are all open In kyiv and other cities.

This is such an insensitive comment. The family who were staying with me returned to Kyiv when it was still relatively peaceful - they missed immediate family who could not leave - and it is now absolutely grim.

Frequent power cuts, no heat, no water. Air raid sirens going constantly. Drone attacks and sometimes missiles.

"My" family lives on the 19th floor of a block of flats. When the power goes off they have to climb the stairs in the darkness. With a 5 year old (who wears a head torch). And hope they don't get stuck in the lift when it is working.

They are resilient, very family-minded and hard working, and are keeping on with positive things - Xmas decorations, building snowmen etc to make life as normal as it can be for their 3 children. But no child deserves to grow up in that.

Very glad you posted that @Tulipomania . My sentiments entirely.

The Ukrainian family living with us are most definitely not economic migrants @Aliciauk even though life is reasonably calm in their home town. They miss their family dreadfully and have every intention of returning when this is all over.

I find it very naive and ignorant to make broad statements suggesting that those still in Ukraine are living a “normal” life over there. They are all doing their very best to keep their spirits up, run their businesses and simply survive - probably including the Ukrainian lady mentioned in Switzerland. It’s called making the best of a very difficult situation @Aliciauk

As for the statement “most of the country is not even at war” - no they might not have missiles landing at their feet or in the walls of their flats, but they do have missiles flying low over their heads, constant blackouts, inflation at 400% on some items, reduced salaries …

It’s too late at night for me to waste time reacting to @Aliciauk ‘s judgmental statements any further. She is clearly very uninformed and ignorant of the realities of this war.

I have moved from not even being able to pinpoint Ukraine on a map this time last year, to opening my home to the most lovely Ukrainian family for the last eight months. Daily, I observe the lows, the scrolling through the Telegram app in despair at the breakfast table every morning, the video calls with Babushka sitting in the darkness back home, the tears shed at lives being lived in limbo - and also the total respect they show towards myself and my family, the enormous gratitude they display towards us for providing them with a safe haven. They are an extension of our own family now, and I know they will always be in our lives, wherever they finally feel able to settle.

Most of all, I have come to admire the resilience of these amazing Ukrainians so much.

I can't believe there are people as insensitive and lacking in compassion as @Aliciauk. The comment about most of Ukraine is not at war. To me, it is similar to saying that most of the UK was not at war in the second world war. In fact, we were less at war than Ukraine is now. The front was over in mainland Europe and we only got some bombing from planes after all.

I was being sarcastic in my comment about UK and the second world war. It's utterly ridiculous some people are minimising the war like that. Ukraine's war is our war. Don't forget Europe's history.

Well we are all paying massive crippling power bills because we support Ukraine against Russia, so although that is nothing like those in Ukraine without power of jobs or being bombed and of course nothing like the massive blitze across London in WWII it is still a daily support everyone is giving in the UK for Ukraine, not just to protect the Ukrainians but to ensure Russia does not next move into Poland and then beyond.

This situation was always going to happen. The government has exploited kind hearted people like yourself OP into opening their homes to strangers and absolutely f all advice or support after that.

It’s not my war

It is our war because if we don't stop Russia, it'll be moving to the next European country. Poland, Finland, Norway and further.