To think this isn’t a particularly large age gap?

[Izwizi]

Met with DH family yesterday. The talk came to DH niece - she’s at Cambridge and in her first year (18). She’s been seeing a postgrad also at Cambridge (who looks like a great catch to me actually, v attractive and I can think of far worse characters for an 18 y/o to knock about with!) who is 24.

Theyre of the opinion that he is too old for her and it’s weird and predatory. AIBU to disagree? Genuinely curious.

6yr age gap is nothing to be concerned about given she’s 18yo
15y and a 21yo, that’s a worry
two students with 6 year age gap is nowt. I came on expecting she was dating a 56 year old or something

I think it’s a big gap given she’s 18. Not so much if she was 25 but it wouldn’t sit quite right with me either

Seems fine to me. They’re both in a similar life stage and it sounds like they have a lot in common. How is it predatory when they are both uni students? At least you know who she’s with when she goes out. 🤷‍♀️

YANBU it's fine. Sure she is only 18, but he's not exactly ancient and is also at university doing a post grad - sounds like a great catch and will encourage her to do well...

My boyfriend was 25.5 when I was 18. It wasn’t an issue. The only thing was that I still liked to go on nights out and he wasn’t that fussed (although he felt the same at 18).

If it’s not too big of an age gap then when would be? If he was 27 would that be inappropriate? Or maybe because he’s a post grad at Cambridge that’s clouding your judgment.
Personally I think any man above 21/22 is questionable to be interested in an 18 year old.

I met my dh when I was 18 and he was 23 - it's fine.

Agree.

Doesn’t seem an excessive age gap at those ages, no. And he’s a fellow student sSo they’ll have things in common presumably?

I was 20 doing undergrad when I got with my 30 year old PhD student boyfriend. My family were not happy and said I was wasting my youth. When I got engaged at 23 one relative told me it was never too late to back out! Many years later we are still together with two babies.

Time and space are irrelevant when love and shared interests and mutual respect for each other converge.

It's a relatively big gap at that age but not worrying, they are both students. It will probably end when he graduates and goes somewhere else to postdoc. Just thinking back to when I was a PhD student, one of our friends was dating an undergraduate and he was teased all the time about her being 'jailbait' (delightful term but it was the 90s).

It’s questionable imo. If she was into her 20’s 6 years wouldn’t be as big a deal, but I will always have reservations about someone well into their twenties who’s interested in teenagers.

And I was in an 8 year gap relationship when I was 20 and in hindsight I think it’s a bit off.

My mum is 10 years older than my dad and they met at a similar age. Honestly I don't think age actually has much to do with it in the end.

All the 18-year-olds I know just seem so young and naive that I can’t imagine why a 24-year-old would see them as an equal, really. I can see why people might be concerned that he’s taking advantage of her relative life inexperience for his own gain.

I agree with this. A few months ago she was a schoolgirl. What would a man of his age have in common with her?

Snap, @AcrobaticActuary - the 18 year olds I know are very obviously still kids, and in a very different headspace to the 23-25 year olds I know.

The only problem is that she might become isolated from her contemporaries if she is always doing post grad ‘things’ socially with her BF. It’s a pity to miss the undergraduate experience at Oxbridge where there are so many opportunities to explore interests and activités outside your course.

then if he moves on and they are still together, will he be expecting her to see him elsewhere at weekends . One of my friends was in this situation, every weekend she was off to London to see her older boyfriend ( against college rules, which was a concern). When they broke up, she was a stranger to a lot of people in college, she had to start from scratch as a second year.

Is he in he's department and likely to be supervising any of her classes at any point?

We had postgraduates teaching tutorials. Just saying

@Whatwedoing
I don't genuinely believe you can't envision a mature, intelligent 18 year old being of interest to a perfectly reasonable student in his early twenties. Surely you understand that people mature at different rates. Plenty of 18 year olds are sensible and mature and would have lots in common with a fellow student. There's absolutely nothing predatory about it unless there's a particular reason that she's vulnerable. There in similiar life stages and so there shouldn't even be any lifestyle issues.

I think alot of people are making sweeping generalisations based on their own bad experiences or the assumption that most men are predatory.

I have an 18 year old and would question the motives of a 24 year old who wanted to be in a relationship with her. I had 2 children and a mortgage at 24 and was very responsible, my 18yo is almost childlike in comparison.

6 years ago later in life is unremarkable but I think it's a bit off at these ages.

My dd is also a first year at university. She finds teenagers her own age very young and silly, and prefers to talk to older people. I imagine when she gets a boyfriend he might well be a few years older. I don’t think in this case it is necessarily a huge age gap, even though she is only 18. They are both students, and they must have things in common.

He’s 24, not 44. It’s fine.

YANBU

but many on here would have an issue with it, it’s actually quite bizarre how little women on this site think of the decision making abilities of other young women.

Do you not understand that people mature at different rates?

He could be incredibly immature, she could be mature and they have a lot in common.

People on here are wild

I think that’s fine, they’re both young adults. I had a relationship with a similar age gap at that time, 18 year old boys seemed silly and immature to me when I was the same age.