To think this isn’t a particularly large age gap?

[Izwizi]

Met with DH family yesterday. The talk came to DH niece - she’s at Cambridge and in her first year (18). She’s been seeing a postgrad also at Cambridge (who looks like a great catch to me actually, v attractive and I can think of far worse characters for an 18 y/o to knock about with!) who is 24.

Theyre of the opinion that he is too old for her and it’s weird and predatory. AIBU to disagree? Genuinely curious.

At 18, it’s a huge gap.
maturity levels are totally different, and if his at her level at 24, that’s a worry.

Also, I’m really bored with older men, younger women dynamic. Funny how age is ”only a number”, yet it’s always man who’s older. Just saying

@TestingTesting123456 The particular reason that makes her vulnerable is surely her age tho? Even the most mature 18 year olds are still not going to be as mature as your typical 24 year old.

Have DH's family met the boyfriend?

It's fine. There's 6 years between my husband and I and we married when I was 20.

I had a 26yo boyfriend when I was 17 and I thought I was the bees' knees. Looking back though, he was definitely a predator and he only ever dated much younger women. I think he liked to feel superior, and it was the only way he was able to do that.

Many 18 year old women wouldn’t look twice at an 18 year old man.

They're often immature (and shit in bed)

Interesting responses and I can see where those with reservations are coming from actually. I’m not even biased when I’m saying she is stunning and very interesting, I was an 18 year old many moons ago but I still remember the appeal of older lads at that age. He has a very complicated relationship with his father who was absent for most of his childhood and my SIL loves a self help book and thinks his interest in DN is a ‘red flag’.

I find people on
MN really ott with ages, it’s absolutely fine!

No they haven’t met him but SIL stalks him online 🤣 he plays for a sports team and there’s a lot of info about him 🤣

Did none of you ever date an older guy when you were 18?

It's legal and unless he's in a position of authority over her it's totally fine.

Nothing wrong with it. Women are often more mature than men of the same age anyway so at 18 she probably acts in her 20s anyway. Non issue for me.

I don’t get a lot of drama or gossip at my age and I thoroughly enjoy hearing about DN’s endlessly exciting life as a gorgeous wee thing with the world at her feet 😂

Trust me, I know.
Even in my 30’s now, I think majority of men are unfortunately immature.
I’ve been 18 year old woman, thinking 18 old men (and honestly quite a lot of women) are immature.
Don’t know how they are in bed, didn’t care to find out.

And that is exactly why I’d say the 24 old here is immature. If he was mature, he’d want a girlfriend who is at same place as he is. Mature 24 y/o would say no thank you for 18 y/o.
I think this women mature faster than men are just to excuse creepy men.
It’s not mature to go after teenager at your mid 20’s.
It’s just not.

I have a 17.5 yo and would be a bit 👀 if she went out with a 23 yo. She's got an 18 yo Boyfriend now and I feel like he's too old haha (I do realise it's absolutely fine just me!)

I think a lot depends on how your DN is for her age. if she's a bit of a wise head on young shoulders can see why they might click.
When they got chatting it's unlikely they could pin point one another's ages exactly, just that they are both students.

It's wise to be a bit cautious but doesn't sound massively out there to me. But then I always went for a bit older at that age too!

She's an adult and presumably not stupid, I'd leave her to manage her own life.

I bet you'll feel differently this time next year if she goes to Uni. They jump up several levels.

But it’s a fact, women do on the most part mature faster than men.

it’s been well studied. I have copied just one UK based study but there are hundreds, all have the same or similar findings across the world.

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-athletes-way/201312/scientists-identify-why-girls-often-mature-faster-boys?amp

I met my husband at Uni and we had a similar age gap as he was a post grad but still a student.

It didn't occur to my family to mind, and I wouldn't have paid any attention to them if they had 😁

If they voice their concerns to her, they run the risk of pushing her away.

Is she quite a mature 18 year old? In all honesty, I'd be concerned about a man in his mid 20s showing interest in a teenager who has barely just moved out of home. Given 10 years, I'd think nothing of it; a 28 & 34 year old couple is a whole other thing. I say this from experience of an older boyfriend when I was that age and having dealt with the fallout.

@Sonervousimgonnathrowup

My 20+ year old happy marriage begs to differ 😆 So glad my DH didn't think it my age was at all an issue when we met.

He should hang with his own age and stage and let her enjoy being an UG.

Some people should keep their sticky beaks out and give their heads a wobble.
Young people need to learn for themselves what they want from life and what feels right for them .
she's 18 ffs not 12!!
My dad was 6.5 years older than my mum. When they married mum was 22 and dad was nearly 29.
I can't imagine why anyone would think it's wrong. ???

I met my 1st DH when I was 18 and he was 27, neither of us saw it as a big deal. Not sure why some people feel the need to see the worst in everything.

I think that, in terms of life stages, there's a difference between someone in her first term of her first year at Uni (and, as it's Cambridge, only in week 4 or 5), most probably living away from home and being independent for the first time and someone who is on a post grad course, and, given his age, a few years into a post grad course, having already done an undergrad course presumably away from home and is now on a second degree course with 6 years' worth of students between him and her.
Undergrads and post grads didn't tend to mix that much socially because they were different life stages. They would sometimes through clubs and societies etc but each had plenty of their own group to mix and socialise with. Exceptions were mature students. And it changed a bit once you'd been at Uni longer. Much less difference between a 3rd yr undergrad and a first year post grad. And some of the 4th undergrads had been contemporaries of first year post grads.