To think this isn’t a particularly large age gap?

[Izwizi]

Met with DH family yesterday. The talk came to DH niece - she’s at Cambridge and in her first year (18). She’s been seeing a postgrad also at Cambridge (who looks like a great catch to me actually, v attractive and I can think of far worse characters for an 18 y/o to knock about with!) who is 24.

Theyre of the opinion that he is too old for her and it’s weird and predatory. AIBU to disagree? Genuinely curious.

They’re seeing eachother

hardly engaged

What business does a 24 year old have with an 18 year old? That’s creepy to me tbh. 18 and 20/11 yeah I can understand that. 24 and 18 makes no sense.

I’m 23 and I couldn’t be with someone who’s 18

I had a 25 y old boyfriend when I was 17. It lasted 3 1/2 years. It was fine. A 6 year gap after 17 years really isn't a huge issue.

Are you male?

I had a wonderful relationship with an "older" man when I was 18/19. He was 8 years older than me and we were together for about 18 months. He was kind, smart, funny, respectful, decent, well educated etc. Not some predatory pervert.

Didn't work out as I wanted to do my thing and he was ready to settle down but 20+ years later he still remains one of the best boyfriends I ever had.

Nope but I still don’t see how a woman who’s 24 could be with an 18 year old. I don’t think it makea a difference what the sex is, the ages are weird

As expected

so that will be why you’d not be interested as a female in a male 6 years younger

Do you have no concept of how brain development and maturity works between the sexes?

They are two consenting adults so I don't see what the problem is.

As long as he's treating her well and she's happy surely that's more important than a six year age gap?

Oh here comes the patronisation. No I have absolutely no clue about brain development and how maturity works between the sexes.

The OP asked whether their ages have a particularly large age gap, I think they do. Simple as

Given they're at a similar stage in life, I don't see the issue. I didn't turn 18 until halfway through first year of uni, I definitely wasn't some schoolgirl when I met my DH, who was in the same year as me! We didn't get together till I was 20 and he was 26. 15 years later I am content he's not a creepy perv.

Some of the reactions here are really weird. We are infantilising 18 year old women. I wouldn’t have thought twice at seeing someone of 24 when I was 18. I was a proper grown up who had been working full time since 16.

Well you are demonstrating a lack of awareness, hence me checking

My mum was 23 and my dad 30 when they married. When I was 29 I briefly dated a 19 year old (a very experienced 19 year old). This was back in the 80s, he was my ‘toy boy’ (a popular phrase of the time). I guess that made me a creep 😯

@BellePeppa - well, YEAH!

I would be concerned at my 18yo DD getting together with anyone at that stage in her uni journey- she’s been there, what, five weeks? I would prefer her to be out having a laugh and making friends and getting to know people from her course, checking out clubs and societies and maybe, if she has time, go to a few lectures. Not hole herself up with a fella gazing into each other’s eyes. The large age gap (for that age) and him being an older postgrad would be another facet of my concern, as is the relative lack of life experience the last few years’ freshers intakes have due to covid restrictions and lockdowns.

On a broader level we now understand more about the power dynamics within relationships (eg. coercive control) and in particular why some men deliberately choose partners who are much younger or more malleable than those closer to them in age. Being mindful of those potential red flags is not infantilising 18yo women.

I’m not sure. My younger DD was quite immature at 18 so I would probably have worried with her, whereas my eldest DD was much more worldly wise so I’d be less likely to have a problem.

I met DH when I was 18 and he was 25. I was working full time, supporting myself and a completely independent adult. I wasn’t a naive wide eyed young 18.

I disagree when I was 17 my bf was 21. He cared far more about how I felt, what I wanted & was much happier to 'wait' until I was ready, unlike the lads the same age. We were together 10 years & are still close. The only reason we split up was because he didn't want children (& never had them)

TheCraicDealer · Today 21:06

I would be concerned at my 18yo DD getting together with anyone at that stage in her uni journey- she’s been there, what, five weeks? I would prefer her to be out having a laugh and making friends and getting to know people from her course, checking out clubs and societies and maybe, if she has time, go to a few lectures. Not hole herself up with a fella gazing into each other’s eyes. The large age gap (for that age) and him being an older postgrad would be another facet of my concern, as is the relative lack of life experience the last few years’ freshers intakes have due to covid restrictions and lockdowns.

On a broader level we now understand more about the power dynamics within relationships (eg. coercive control) and in particular why some men deliberately choose partners who are much younger or more malleable than those closer to them in age. Being mindful of those potential red flags is not infantilising 18yo women.

Agree with this. This is about different stages of life - a very new student, who has only been uni a few weeks, with someone who's already gone through the whole experience and out the other side. He may not be a predator but he's certainly focussed his attention on the new intake, as opposed to all the 19/20+ year olds all around him.

@Blossomtoes

Which is insane because four years difference is pretty standard.

It depends on the age. 30 and 34 fine. 16 and 20 not so much. One is at secondary school the other is an adult.

At 18 you have just left home and spreading your wings. Finding yourself. At 22 you are an adult.

At 18 you’re also an adult

stop infantilising women

DD is 19 and says that she definitely doesn't feel like an adult. Nor did I at that age.

I felt like an adult when I had been working for a couple of years and was financially independent.

Then say for you and your child 18 wasn’t an adult

don’t generalise because you and your child were immature

I didn’t feel like an adult when I was 33 with a 12 year old. Sometimes I still don’t. I became an adult when I registered my dad’s death.

!! It's fine! My boyfriend at uni was 25 when I was 18. He was a wonderful guy. I'm 43 now and married (not to him!!) But still think about him! He was my soul mate and a fantastic bloke. We split up in second year but remained best friends even after university for several years.

The age gap is really not that big at that age!!

And also, she's still young and this may not be 'the one'!