To be livid that year 11 DS thinks 4-5 hours/week homework/revision is enough for GCSEs?

[Hotdaisies22]

DS in year 11. Bright boy but has always been poor at doing homework at home despite being well set up for it at home (quiet desk space etc). Does his homework at homework club after school -Mon - Thurs max 5 hrs week (thats only time homework club room is available at his school). We're having conversations that he now needs to up his game these next few months before GCSEs and start studying /revising at home extra time. Getting massive push back and causing a lot of friction. He thinks what he does is enough and no intention of doing more "at the end of a tiring school day" (he only has a 20 min journey to school). What are other year 11s doing? (I'm trying to have conversation with his school on this but so far they've been rubbish - no reply!)

blueshoes · 13/11/2022 22:14
I agree with all of @CaronPoivre 's posts.

Hard work never killed anyone“

It kills lots of young people in high pressure societies like South Korea.

My son got all As in his Nat 5 exams and predicted the same for higher. Parents night last night the teachers recommended 2 hours of study per subject per week. So 10 hours. Probably to ramp up nearer the exam.

You making an issue out of it isn't going to help. If he doesn't do more, and fails, that will be his problem to sort out.
All you can do is be there for him and gently offer help to get him back on track by pointing out (not insisting on) the possibilities of what to do and where to go next if the worst, does indeed transpire.
There are far too many burnt out children, who feel that anything short of perfection is not good enough. Life is not like that.
If he is such a bright boy, perhaps he just doesn't need to spend so much time doing homework/revision. Some people just 'get' stuff, without the need to 'study'. Maybe he'll knuckle down a bit closer to actual exam time. Perhaps school have already had a conversation with him about it due to your email. Perhaps they think you're worrying about nothing!

When I was at school (early 80's) nobody suggested you should be doing THAT amount of study! I still came out with 10 'O' levels and 2 'A' levels (we didn't get made to do 3 unless you were planning on going to university - which wasn't for everybody !).

I'd cancel homework club . Have him come home from school ; (change environment and pace) have a snack and drink to refuel, and a break to relax. Then get down to solo homework in a quiet room.

If he's doing homework for an hour after school every day then I wouldn't have him doing any more when he gets home. Instead get him into the rhythm of doing a bit of revision at weekends - maybe half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon each day, or work it around whatever else he does. I'd keep it quite simple this early on, we bought the CGP books and ds read through them as they have everything laid out nicely, or get him watching some youtube videos - Mr Salles is brilliant for English lit and Primrose kitten for science I think it was. Then you can build up to working through past papers and doing an hour in the morning and afternoon each weekend day as it gets closer. I was very involved in organising ds as he has ASD and he did really well in the end this way.

I think you’re quite right to be livid- effectively he is doing 1 hour of homework a night (the year 7s at the DC’s school get more than that) and no revision. I’m shocked that so many players think that’s acceptable.

Personally I would be cracking the whip and getting him into a routine of doing revision in the evenings and weekends if he wants to pass any GCSEs.

And I’m shocked that people think it’s acceptable for y7’s to be so stressed and lacking in down time. Each to their own. It’s certainly not necessary in order to pass GCSE’s (my dc do less than that and get A’s and B’s)

Very much agree!
it’s not necessary to do this from Y7 to pass GCSE’s! Parents who expect this level are the ones whose kids burn out or end up hating them later.

Success is not governed by GCSE’s and a tonne of certificates with an annihilated mental health are worth nothing.

If he’s bright and paying attention in class I think it’s fine. Some people learn and absorb things better than others. I thought GCSEs were a piece of piss 🤷‍♀️

There are 24 hours in a day. 8 hours for school including travelling there and back (maybe a bit more for some kids), 8 hours sleep, leaves 8 hours for chores, hobbies and homework. That's 56 hours a week. I don't think it's unreasonable to spend 10-20 hours a week studying.

When’s their down time?

Except it's simply not necessary, and is positively unbalanced.

The mantra of living well is, after all - 8 hours work, 8 hours sleep and 8 hours for what you will.

YABU-he has to take ownership of this, or you'll push him away from it.

@Florenz

Totally agree- every year 11 should be doing 20 hours a week of studying/revision.

Asides from being completely batshit, 10-20 hours is kind of broad, no? Which is it?

I wouldn't** allow my children to study 20 hours on top of their schooldays. Utterly ridiculous. I never revised anything like that much. I got good GCSEs. I have a good job now. I also had a life when I was a teenager and wasn't stressing about exams for most of my waking hours. So glad my parents weren't controlling on stuff like this.

It's a few months to GCSEs. It's reasonable to expect 16 year olds to put some work in at this stage. 2 hours a night after school, and 3 or 4 hours on Saturdays and Sundays doesn't seem excessive to me. They won't get far in life if they insist on working no longer than 8 hours a day at all times. Children of that age in a number of other countries I can think of work far harder.

If anyone needs to do that much studying they are on the wrong course as they just don’t have the ability. Excessive studying doesn’t get good results, just demoralising and failure.

Not every child needs to do this many hours to get good results.
If kids need to do this, then there's a worrying step up to A Level, where there just won't be enough hours in the day to make the jump.

The children i know who did outstandingly well put the hours in

they could have done no revision at all and still got good grades but they wanted to get the best results possible

I think at 16 it has to be their choice as to how many hours they put in. I would encourage, offer help if wanted, ask them what they want to do post school and what they think they need to do to achieve that. But I wouldn't force them. There's a point where they have to take responsibility themselves anyway. And nagging does nothing but cause more stress and resentment.

He should be doing 2 hours per week per subject.

DS does bugger all work. And I mean bugger all. He is a jammy thing at the moment and gets A’s and B’s regardless, so if he actually did some work, his results would no doubt be outstanding. But does he need outstanding results? Do I want to put pressure on him? My results were extremely good but my mental health was shot to pieces and I know what I prefer for him.

There’s more to ‘success’, however you define that, than grades. They need to be self motivated and not just terrified of failure. They need to find their passion. They need self confidence and self esteem. They need to know how to relax. They need down time which enables them to grow, intellectually and as people. None of that is achieved by nagging them to revise.

And yes, I know DS is probably going to come a cropper later because he doesn’t know how to apply himself, but I also trust him to navigate that and he knows he has all the support. If outstanding grades are important to him, he will no doubt learn how to revise. And if not, he will find his path. It’s not my life to live, it’s his. My role is supportive.

Noone can answer this other than yourselves and the school because it depends how he's doing.

I did about the same as your DS and found GCSEs fairly easy, some kids will do 20+ hours a week and struggle to get the same grades - that's just how it goes.

If his mocks go relatively well and he's on track to get what he needs to get into his A level course or whatever he's doing next, I wouldn't fret about it - GCSES are a stepping stone and outside of ensuring he has a pass in Maths and English, once he's gotten into college/A levels, noone will care what his GCSE results were.

I do get the point of teaching him hard work and the benefits it brings, and that's a conversation worth having (certainly dont be livid, that's ridiculous), but it's also important he enjoys himself and is happy in the coming months.

Absolutely this, I was like your DS and having parents who took your attitude is something I'm forever grateful for.