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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be livid that year 11 DS thinks 4-5 hours/week homework/revision is enough for GCSEs?

756 replies

Hotdaisies22 · 06/11/2022 11:48

DS in year 11. Bright boy but has always been poor at doing homework at home despite being well set up for it at home (quiet desk space etc). Does his homework at homework club after school -Mon - Thurs max 5 hrs week (thats only time homework club room is available at his school). We're having conversations that he now needs to up his game these next few months before GCSEs and start studying /revising at home extra time. Getting massive push back and causing a lot of friction. He thinks what he does is enough and no intention of doing more "at the end of a tiring school day" (he only has a 20 min journey to school). What are other year 11s doing? (I'm trying to have conversation with his school on this but so far they've been rubbish - no reply!)

OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 07/11/2022 20:49

What does he want to do after? An aim might motivate him. If he wants to do A levels he’ll need decent GCSEs.
Is he interested in working? A pt job a few hours a week might also give him some perspective.

NippySweetie16 · 07/11/2022 20:51

CaronPoivre · 07/11/2022 18:38

Lack of structure? Too much social media, including exposure to violence? Unfulfilled? No vision for their own future? Too much peer pressure? Peers being more dominant in lives than parents? Quality of home life? Unclear gender norms and evolving sexuality within an uncertain society? Poverty? Poor sense of community?

Thats what WHO think but much easier to blame schools.

Don't think I implied any blame on the part of schools.

Aussiegirl123456 · 07/11/2022 20:51

Poor kid

nolongersurprised · 07/11/2022 20:56

I said this on the previous page, but as a veteran of countless exams - med school and beyond - the number of hours spent studying doesn’t correlate directly with exam success.

Effective study is challenging; much better to make it interactive or apply it - explain it to a parent, write a mock answer, learn 5 facts then discuss them in a paragraph, do some past questions and read around the answers.

It should be mentally tiring, 3 hours of it after a day of school would be too much. I also think information is processed when doing no study activities such as exercise. Sleep is important.

The medical school students in my year who were best at exams were very well rounded. At school many were brilliant at sport as well, they also knew when to do “maintenance study” and when to step it up. 8 months away from an exam is “maintenance study”, there needs to be a push at the end.

If your child’s study involves endless, but time-consuming, rewriting of content, highlighting lists, highlighting passages then they’re putting in big hours, but probably wasting their time. Content is important but using it in context is what will give them good marks.

Inyournewdress · 07/11/2022 20:57

Has he got mocks or anything that might help him realise he’s not doing enough? I think that 4-5 hours a week is a low estimate for normal weeknight homework. Wouldn’t cover weekend. If he can get his homework done in that time, ok. But that’s not revision time. To be fair I’d probably focus on revision closer to the exams rather than an every night thing right now. I get what you are saying, his predicted grades are in that middle range where a bit more focus could lift them and make the final grades so much better!

Dee9409 · 07/11/2022 20:59

You’re totally correct to be worried, as an English teacher, I would want students to ideally be preparing revision cards for at least English, maths and science. If these are prepared at this stage they will be able to look over them over the next 4-6 month as well as this they should be completing all homework on them and speaking to the teacher regularly if there are any misconceptions. Anyone who says “don’t worry they will be fine” or “stop pressurising them don’t realise that if you don’t pass English and maths at least you will have to resist whilst completing a levels. Of course balance it out so rewards for when he is putting effort in and communication regularly about what’s difficult and diet etc is important. This is the advice I would give to my own child too. All the best for you and your son.

GrannyMack · 07/11/2022 21:07

Have you considered that he might not aspire to an academic future? Have you asked him what he fancies doing after school?
Ultimately his results are just that, his. You can't and shouldn't live your life vicariously through his.
If he does an hour of study 5 times a week then I think that on top of the hours at school, is enough. Don't make this an emotional battleground where all your interaction revolves round his lack of study. He is so much more than a set of exam results and many, many people have succeeded in life without significant ones.

Togoodtobeforgotten · 07/11/2022 21:10

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/11/2022 20:32

Im noticing a LOT of bashing about nursery worker on MN lately it’s a wonder anyone let’s these people watch their most precious humans.

But telling kids the difference between becoming a doctor (donkeys years of HE, extremely difficult course that requires resilience and endurance and high competition and a high drop out rate) and stacking shelves is the revision you do between now and next August is exactly what is failing so many kids.

Depends if they want to be a doctor, as you know medicine is very competitive, more competitive than most other courses and much much harder. I have had to juggle being a realist whilst being encouraging about my young student who went onto study medicine telling them it won't be a bed of roses. They know they have to study hard they also harder than your average Joe for other reasons.

pointythings · 07/11/2022 21:10

@blueshoes I agree that there is a balance to be had, and I suspect OP's DS should be doing more given his predicted grades - but it may not be possible until after mocks, when he is likely to get the kick in the backside he needs to pull it out.

I really do have a problem with posters who recommend 3 hours a night plus 10 hours a day on weekends with virtually no relaxation and total screen bans during the week in November. Apart from the risks of burnout and mental health problems, there's no carrot, only stick, and there's nowhere to go in terms of increasing the work as the exams get closer. It just makes no sense.

At this stage in the school year, curriculum content is still being taught. After February mocks, lessons will essentially be revision sessions, and a good school will offer additional targeted revision too. Mine did. That means students will be revising some 6 hours a day solid on weekdays. My DDs did work on top of that at home, but no more than 2 hours a day on weekdays and 3-4 on weekends, leading to a 9-5 school day. If that isn't enough to get the grades, maybe the 7/8/9 bracket isn't for your child? Not everyone is suited to academics.

simiisme · 07/11/2022 21:19

I'm a secondary school teacher. Your son is already doing far more work than most of my students.
Whilst I agree that additional, independent study would help, I think that you risk him digging his heels in and turning him off study altogether.
I'm also a Mum - to a 20 year old & 18 year old - who had very different attitudes to study - eldest much more laid back than youngest. I adopted the 'Carrot, not stick' approach with him & it worked. He achieved higher than target in several subjects & at target in the others by completing all the work set at school & using easy to access online resources such as: www.bbc.co.uk/bitesize/levels/z98jmp3
Then I'd get a small treat if he worked well and occasional takeaways if he'd had a productive week.
Mental health is the most important thing and Yr 11s are being nagged, coaxed and cajoled from all quarters at school.

FlirtyMelons · 07/11/2022 21:25

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 07/11/2022 18:50

What does your DS hope to do next year OP? In 3 years time? In 10 years time? Arguably, he might be more motivated to study for his GCSEs if you let him get a NMW job stocking supermarket shelves for 10 hours a week?

FFS why would anyone even expect a decent answer on that from a child?!

And also if he got a shelf stacking job he’d probably think it was great because he’s earning money doing east work and having a really good laugh with new friends.

Pwoplw need to realise their standards and fears for their kids aren’t necessarily the same as what kids have for themselves.

I totally agree with this. DH is a finance director who was furloughed then made redundant during lockdown he got a job in a supermarket in the interim and loved every second. Made great friends, went in, did an easy job, came home and didn't have to worry about anything. I can imagine a 16 yo would feel the same plus its loads of money to a 16 yo.

It's great to have high standards but people forget that nationally only a tiny % actually get 8/9 across the board. If loads more started getting them then the grade boundaries would be changed, just as they were from 2021 to 2022. Not everyone wants to go to Oxbridge or even uni at all and that doesn't mean that won't be just as successful. My DS got high grades but is doing a vocational course rather than A levels as it's relevant to his career. The industry he already works in means he doesn't actually even need a GCSE or A level to do it and be top of his craft, he earns per hour more than most people could dream of, even at his age now. He has to work extremely hard, it's unsociable hours and a very tough industry but he has the drive to do it. It's not all about sat revising for 3 hrs a night.

Skodacool · 07/11/2022 21:44

NancyJoan · 06/11/2022 12:07

Does he have mocks soon? If he doesn’t get the grades he feels he deserves, that will hopefully give him a kick up the arse.

My DD did hers this summer, mocks were Jan. She did a few hours a day over Xmas, and from the mocks onwards all homework seemed to be going over topics they had already be taught.

This. Mocks are a very good test of where they are with grades.

justasking111 · 07/11/2022 21:44

Florenz · 07/11/2022 19:38

Kids in China are in school for 14 hours a day, 11 hours of lessons and then 3 hours of homework. And yet our kids can supposedly only concentrate for 4 hours a day. How do we expect them to compete in the global economy?

My DB teaches in China . The children are whittled down to the brightest of the brightest those are hot housed. The rest pretty much left to their own devices .

Stevie77 · 07/11/2022 22:00

CarPoor · 06/11/2022 12:16

I think I did about 4 weeks revision in total for my GCSEs plus about 70% of the homework, I got 13a*/a grades

An hour a day seems reasonable, providing he's paying attention in lessons. 3hrs a day for gcses is insane and is going to result in burnout at a young age

The problem at GCSE year is children often don't know how to revise, they can do hours of work but not actually learn anything or find it beneficial. They can struggle when work actually gets hard because their technique for learning s so long winded

So where/how would you teach effective learning/revision techniques? Trying to instill good habits with Yr 8 child and have looked into study skills but most advice seems to be aimed at undergraduates, which may overwhelm them a bit.

Discovereads · 07/11/2022 22:05

Stevie77 · 07/11/2022 22:00

So where/how would you teach effective learning/revision techniques? Trying to instill good habits with Yr 8 child and have looked into study skills but most advice seems to be aimed at undergraduates, which may overwhelm them a bit.

We started developing their individual style of revision collaboratively with them at age 10 for the SATS. Every child learns differently. The methods taught in school don’t work for everyone so you have to work with your DC and see which ways work best for them. This is where DC of parents who have never been to Uni are at a clear disadvantage because they have to figure it out on their own.

Caelan2018 · 07/11/2022 22:14

Omg I can't believe some of the comments on here like come down hard on him and remove all privileges ... he will make his own way in the world with the grade he is able to achieve not evening single person I'd designed for college ... just remind him he gets one chance at these grades but don't be on his back constantly

Emberino · 07/11/2022 22:30

As a teacher I’d say he wasn’t doing enough. However as a mum of a Year 7 autistic boy who hates doing homework and won’t stay for homework club I’d say he is doing well if he is genuinely putting in 5 hours at school. If in nearly 5 years school haven’t complained about a lack of homework from your son (I know 2 years were very disrupted with Covid) it would suggest he is doing ok. Perhaps contacting the school to ask for an overview of how he is getting on from all of his teachers might put your mind at rest - or at least give you an overall picture of how he is getting on. Don’t be afraid to hassle the school if they don’t respond to start with. Being livid with him isn’t going to help, but I do understand it’s difficult because you want him to do well.

marblemad · 07/11/2022 22:57

I did none due to my disability and inability to focus, still did well and came out with 12 A*-C grades

nolongersurprised · 07/11/2022 23:25

Stevie77 · 07/11/2022 22:00

So where/how would you teach effective learning/revision techniques? Trying to instill good habits with Yr 8 child and have looked into study skills but most advice seems to be aimed at undergraduates, which may overwhelm them a bit.

Limit the faffing. The best way to realise what you know and don’t know is to try some past questions, or old mocks or whatever resources are available.

Say your child is doing genetics in biology. A lot may be new, so will feel content heavy. I would suggest reading over the course notes, jotting down major topics then going straight into questions, using the course notes as a guide.

Children could spend hours writing, re writing definitions and making them pretty with highlighters and trying to memorise them. But the best way to make DNA replication, transcription and translation “stick” is to apply it, understand it, then fine tune definitions if necessary.

Similarly, you can write how thymine is a nucleotide base in DNA but it’s uracil in RNA 20 times, or get it wrong in one question about base pairing and never forget it.

It could take a while to perfectly memorise the difference between autosomal dominant, recessive, X-linked inheritance but if you’ve done a whole heap of punnet squares and know how to apply them, it’s a lot easier to answer harder questions about probability and chance related to them.

This process should be more taxing than writing, rewriting, reformatting study notes but will be more efficient.

After knowledge has been applied and content understood - then go back and work out what needs to be rote learned, or the student needs reminding of and make study notes at that point. These will be much less hefty than just the content written out multiple times, over and over.

Chailatteplease · 07/11/2022 23:59

PalmTrees7 · 06/11/2022 11:59

I really am shocked at the laizzes-faire attitude of some on this thread- sounds like a lazy teen’s dream.

My DC have always been expected to study hard. DS1 is in year 11 now and knows that his focus for this year is revising hard and getting good GCSEs- he is doing 3 hours of school work Monday-Thursday, Friday night off and then 5 hours a day Saturday and Sunday. This will increase closer to exams.

Yes, it is hard but to be frank it is no bad thing for DC to learn that many things in life require effort and hard work.

Your poor kids. That’s verging on abuse.

Childhood is over quickly. Plenty of time for that level of graft as adults.

OP YABMassivelyU too.

Chailatteplease · 08/11/2022 00:02

Hotdaisies22 · 06/11/2022 12:03

I'm livid inside - trying to stay calm and rational outside and being very supportive, encouraging etc and trying to help him. Trying to explain why its important. His predicted grades range from 4s to 7s, mostly lower end. Passing his exams with those grades would be great if he has tried his best. But we know he is capable of much higher if he does some work. Context is also that we have made big sacrafices for his education (spend our family savings on 4 years private ed at smaller school as he was having problems at his large comp school during/after covid). We are not soft, phone time/ xbox gets witheld if he hasn't done any studying but that is when the trouble is kicking off!

Maybe academia just isn’t for him. It’s not the end of the world. Cut him some slack and find out what HE wants to do with HIS future, as opposed to your wishes.

Beachloveramy · 08/11/2022 07:35

4-5 hours more than the majority of kids no doubt. YABU and should be glad he goes to homework club willingly! My Yr10 DS gets his homework done in detention most Friday afternoons - 1hr per week, maybe two of he’s been really bad and got himself a second detention 🙈🙄

I barely did revision at school and did fairly well in my GCSEs. If he’s bright, he will probably coast it anyway.

Vynalbob · 08/11/2022 07:53

The thing that i needed to push is that even if ds is 2nd in the class if that whole class is poor when compared nationally it still might not be enough (line of defence I always get better results than most).
Having said that 4 hrs is pretty good & I'd only push for an extra hour on Sunday when needed....my youngest school has a method where parents can see homework set so they can keep tabs on whether it's done on time.
Also they do a ridiculous amount of repetitive revision in class compared to when I was at school.
Basically don't worry too much but push the school for more info if you don't get it.

LittleMissMe99 · 08/11/2022 07:56

My year 11 does it at homework club. I think it's enough. I won't pressure her to do more. They are under enough stress.

Welshmonster · 08/11/2022 08:18

School is tiring. We have rose tinted glasses about our school days but it is now much more intense. There’s no option to daydream out the window.
if predicted grades are ok then wait til closer to exams to push harder on revision.

however many pupils didn’t get the grades they wanted because they didn’t revise and teachers got the blame when at 16, pupils need to take some responsibility for revision.