To be livid that year 11 DS thinks 4-5 hours/week homework/revision is enough for GCSEs?

[Hotdaisies22]

DS in year 11. Bright boy but has always been poor at doing homework at home despite being well set up for it at home (quiet desk space etc). Does his homework at homework club after school -Mon - Thurs max 5 hrs week (thats only time homework club room is available at his school). We're having conversations that he now needs to up his game these next few months before GCSEs and start studying /revising at home extra time. Getting massive push back and causing a lot of friction. He thinks what he does is enough and no intention of doing more "at the end of a tiring school day" (he only has a 20 min journey to school). What are other year 11s doing? (I'm trying to have conversation with his school on this but so far they've been rubbish - no reply!)

You may want to watch a few documentarys about the Chinese education system before you eat your words.

@healthadvice123

There is plenty of time for balance. DS gets home at 3.30pm, studies from 4pm-7.30pm (3 hour sessions with breaks). He then has dinner and has 2 hours to relax before bed. If he has an extra curricular activity, he starts later.

At weekends, he gets up early and is done by 12.30pm.

What there isn’t time for is endless hours on tiktok and fifa. That is why we do screen free weekdays, so DS isn’t wasting time.

Your DS is definitely doing enough! And be glad he’s doing this much every week. It’s important he also has time to do other things too. Much better focus on your relationship and supporting him than going into a conflict around homework (for both of you)

I have a degree and a masters degree, my GCSEs aren't even on my CV, 5 hours a week is enough.

Yabu. He is going to class, doing his homework, and setting more time aside also to study. Fighting with him and being "livid" with him isn't going to better anything either. You just need to trust him

My daughter didn't do much weekday evenings but did do a fair bit at weekends. She was just too tired to focus after school and already revising all day there. She got good grades this summer. Higher than predicted in some. I had to trust her to know what to do for herself.

Be careful you are not projecting your own expectations onto your son. Let him find his way himself.

I was pushed by my parents - GCSE’s, A levels, degree, masters; resulting in crippling mental health which finally exploded when I was late 40’s. I have let my eldest son find his own way and despite a few changes of direction on the way, he’s studying solidly at something he really enjoys.

I think you should back off - tell him you trust him to do the right amount of work; then leave it at that.

No amount of nagging or being "livid" is going to change what he does, so leave him be.

Now its clear where your being livid has appeared from. Because you're paying for him to get average grades. Would you feel this way if you hadn't paid?

4-5 hours a week is barely enough to scratch the surface of homework, much less revision. The focus at GCSE is on breadth, not depth. There is a lot to take in post-2016 after that Michael Gove ramped up the GCSE syllabus <shakes fist>.

I would expect at least 4-5 hours of revision in the weekend and double that amount during the week, including homework done at school. Ds is at an academic school and the school expects Grade 8s & 9s (A and A* in old money). Ds could do with a kick up the bottom.

If he wants to do Physics or Math at his Sixth Form, he has to get Grade 9 in both. That is how easy GCSE is compared to depth of a subject at A level. Therefore, anyone who thinks they can coast at GCSE will come unstuck at A level.

OP, I don't know what to say. I have a complacent ds as well. I am encouraging ds to go for a scholarship and promising his 1/3 of the scholarship amount if he can get it. Boys need to see tangible rewards, I think, then after a while, the achievement itself becomes the motivation once they mature.

School should be giving them pointers on how much work they need to do. In our school 4 hours per week would only cover basic homework. It wouldn't include any revision. Then on weeks where they have project work (probably every month) they need to spend at least an additional hour on that.

There's no point being livid but yy I'd be concerned. I'd also step back, see what marks he gets in class tests or prelims and hope they motivate him to do more.
I often see DCs who think they can sail through with the minimum of work and then completely run aground when they go to university because they can't self-motivate or pace or study.

When you say studying and revising, what do you specifically mean by that? Is there a structured planned set of work you want him to do?
What does it look like to you?

I'm not sure we should be emulating China - their economic growth miracle has been grinding down and that started before COVID and the Ukraine war. Their culture is one of oppression and extreme compliance - not something we should aspire to for our DC.

In other Asian countries with a culture of extreme study pressure, suicide rates are scary, not just in teens but also in older people in the workplace. We should work to live, not live to work.

And not everyone wants to be an investment banker, thank goodness!

😂

Childhood is very fleeting so we should ensure all we do is force kids to learn and study so they can keep up with the global economy 🙄

God forbid they have a happy childhood.

My Y11 DS is doing about 2 hours a night and a bit more at the weekend, plus 1 hour maths tutor on Sunday morning. He’s done himself a colour coded plan for his revision. He is very capable and just this past weekend said he is willing to give up a lot of social stuff to ensure he gets the results he wants. He said “it’s just a few months of hard work, that could give me a different life in the long run” I have no idea where he gets this from, I was an absolute nightmare at school haha Very proud of him and his attitude but it’s not typical, even in his friendship group. They will all be okay in the end. I don’t think being livid or putting pressure on him will help anyone in the long run.

There is a middle road. Some stress is good. The UK is strangely anti-achievement. But that is good, less competition for my lazy ds.

Dd is a different kettle of fish so the demands on her are far less. As parents, we know what are dcs are capable of.

Im noticing a LOT of bashing about nursery worker on MN lately it’s a wonder anyone let’s these people watch their most precious humans.

But telling kids the difference between becoming a doctor (donkeys years of HE, extremely difficult course that requires resilience and endurance and high competition and a high drop out rate) and stacking shelves is the revision you do between now and next August is exactly what is failing so many kids.

I did nowhere this amount apart from maybe in the last couple of weeks before exams. I certainly wouldn't have started revising in November. There was no point, we still hadn't covered lots of the work yet. And teachers certainly wouldn't have put that kind of pressure on us so early in the school year.
Your son also needs to spend time doing other things. He needs to relax, socialise, spend time on hobbies and other interests. Being academic is great but if you have nothing else then your personal statement for uni will be lacking and you'll struggle to get a job as you have no transferable skills from sport/volunteering/Scouting etc etc

I found my foster son not keen to revise alone, but he worked brilliantly with a tutor and it boosted his confidence so much. He had tutor 3 hours a week in Year 11.

Leaves him Saturday afternoons to do the chimneys...

I think 4- 5 hours a week is fine particularly at this stage.
They will probably start revision in lessons closer to the time too ( after Xmas or Easter depending on how much of curriculum they've covered)
He will probably need to cram a bit more after Easter but right now I think what he is doing is ok. Putting too much pressure on him will probably backfire and make everyone miserable.
As long as he gets good enough grades to do his chosen 6th fom or college course I wouldn't worry too much, GCSEs are important now but as he continues his education they will gradually become irrelevant ( unless you are trying for a super competitive uni)

Has he got an idea what he wants to do after GCSES? Then there’s something to aim for as he’ll need to get certain grades? It’s hard …at that time I just did the homework and coursework set (no extra revision) until just before Easter except for maths which I found hard and had extra tutoring in. I got fairly good grades but found some subjects came naturally and I worked hard at coursework (perhaps this is less of a thing now?)
I think I probably had 1-2 hours most evenings in year 11 and would do some on Sunday afternoons too.

I did maybe the same amount of work with my GCSES, maybe even less and I got 9 A-B grades. Get off his back and let him be

Putting pressure on him isn’t going to help, he’ll be hormonal and stressed out enough when it gets nearer the time.
I left my three sons to it, they all did well, but mainly they’re all happy and settled.

well it's up to him really.
you can't live his life for him.
and to keep going on at him will only make home life unpleasant, he might start staying out late, getting into bad company, and that would be far worse.
i accept that you mean well.
but you have to let go.