AIBU to feel rejected by my son?

[Flippingnora100]

DS is 12 and a lovely, kind, gentle, easygoing kid. We get along really well. I love our family time together. Lately he’s been hanging out at his friend’s house a lot and is always going on sleepovers there. The friend is a nice kid, but is quite indulged (I’m not sure if it’s because he’s an only child). Junk food, sweets, fizzy drinks, no screen time limits, big house, lots of fun stuff eg basketball court, sleepovers all the time with lots of friends etc. The mum is really nice but definitely less strict than me. My son never invites his friends to our house and jumps at any chance to go to his friends’ houses-especially this friend. Plans that start off being at our house seem to always end up at this other kid’s house instead. Today we planned a family pizza movie night and when we arrived to pick DS up, he had just been invited to sleep over and was all excited. I said yes but left feeling a little hurt. I’m happy that he has friends and gets invited to things. I don’t want to guilt trip him, but we had planned to all hang out together tonight. Do I need to let go and accept that this is how it is when kids get closer to their teenage years? Should I talk to him about evening things out and inviting friends here more often?

OP
That's a good outcome. Good on you for reflecting and being willing to change your rules on some things. It sounds like your son respects the intent behind your original boundaries and respects you to be honest about what change he feels would be helpful.

It's hopefully a nice reminded that whilst the cool parents are the cool ones and children like to go round there, often children like the fact that their parents have the security of boundaries.

@WellingtonSquareTree "yes a "playroom" named when they were 3 and 6. What would you like us to call it?"

Maybe call it a den, snug or games room?

They can all it whatever they damn well want! We call a specific blanket the “curl up with mama blanket”. It’s the Blanket my kids use when they feel right . My 17 year old DS asked for it like that they other day!

all have our family quirks. And most of us don’t have a problem with that

When they “don’t” feel right

@tulips27 a den is far too American a term or a place for wild animals, a snug? Where I am from that is a room in a pub or a small cosy room, considering I split the room in two it was hardly small. Games room? No. For preschool and primary children everyone who had a room dedicated to playing in called it a playroom. Maybe it is a Northern thing.

Thank you @Ohyoucutie A cuddly blanket sounds lovely. I feel like AIBU is a place where people come to pick a fight. My friend calls her bath time a dippy de do dah as that is what her Mum called it and she died when my friend was a teen. It is her way of remembering her love and caring. It makes me smile rather than gets my hackles up.

My niece has parents who greatly limit her screen time and the biggest impact was that she felt completely out of the loop and excluded socially as she had never seen all the things her peers saw and talked about on a daily basis. She didn't know the shows or the viral videos or the memes or the music / dances or the people they were all talking about. Pop culture is a bit part of tween and teen lives and that exists entirely on screens. And when you are self conscious about being on the out, it seems like an even bigger part.

I used to let her use screens at my house, even though her parents wanted it restricted. She would come over with a list and I would show her the various clips and videos etc. It was our little secret but it allowed her to be socially included and to maintain her peer groups. While going behind parents isn't great, in this case I felt the benefits outweighed the negatives (likely due to my own upbringing). As an adult she has told me how grateful she was for letting her watch the various things as it made her high school experience so much better.

Mumsnet showing the worst, bitchiest side of women's behaviour as usual. It was just a suggestion; I don't give a fuck what she calls her fucking room.

A slightly different perspective but I was a shy easygoing teen. I always went to friends houses not because I liked them more than my family but more that home was "my space" where I could relax and switch off (introvert). I found it stressful when people came to me as I couldn't leave if I needed a timeout. I also compartmentalized my life in to groups e.g. school friends, sport friends, home and found it unsettling if the group's mixed. I am an odd one for sure. Never really realised I was doing it until someone pointed it out. Could it be that?