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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Skidding Car - friend's husband today "couldn't resist the opportunity"

544 replies

alwaysmovingforwards · 05/11/2022 19:02

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

OP posts:
Sooziewoozie · 06/11/2022 18:52

yabu- he’s saved you a fortune. I thought like others that you were going to say he made a pass at you. It was a short burst . It’s over. Move on. If you make an issue of this you will lose your friends and they sound lovely!!!

Zone2NorthLondon · 06/11/2022 18:53

Look,we all only clicked because we thought he’d slipped the hand. But you knew that
provocative title for a dull post about a speed fiend

Runmybathforme · 06/11/2022 18:58

This can't be really, no-one could be this precious surely ?

MaxTalk · 06/11/2022 19:02

I don't think it was as wild as the OP is making out - roads are very greasy at this time of year and if it was a vaguely powerful car you don't need "max revs" at all - probably a bit of slow speed sideways action using half the engine revs is what actually happened.

CoffeeMama1 · 06/11/2022 19:20

You're not unreasonable at all. It's totally fine that's how he wants to behave but it's unfair to include you, especially without seeing if you were ok with it. What if you had previous trauma from a car accident? It's one thing to be reckless with yourself but to do it with someone else isn't ok. Depending on how much time has passed I probably wouldn't mention it but I wouldn't be shy about explaining why future lifts are refused!

PineCone74 · 06/11/2022 19:30

I would have hated this too, and I think he was a complete idiot to do this with a passenger without checking it was ok with them first. I would also let this go though, for the sake of a friendship. I would consider saying calmly to him when you next see him that you didn’t enjoy it, and leave it at that. If he continued to act an idiot after that then that would be a different matter, but it doesn’t seem worth losing two friends over just yet?

DWMoosmum · 06/11/2022 19:30

I did a donut with my mum in the car although I did pre warn her and she loved it. That was about 20 years ago though. The car park was empty and I got it out of my system.

I don't think its a big deal TBH. He might be 50 but we're all still 14 in our heads!

DotBall · 06/11/2022 19:36

Who reported my post as ‘Not in the spirit?’ eh?
Honestly, this site has become so worthy, sensitive and dull where everyone is expected to fall in line behind the opinion of whatever an OP says with no humour allowed. Please can we have the MN ‘nest of vipers’ of 2014 back please, it was far more entertaining.

MiniHouse · 06/11/2022 19:39

Yes, I also wouldn't like it and would avoid accepting a lift from him. If you told his wife, I mean she must know that's how he drives, I wouldn't bother or I might even joke about it.

Seriously though, some people on here are so wound up about stuff, if you were scared, I don't blame you! It was your experience, we don't get to say how quickly you 'should' recover!!

slashlover · 06/11/2022 19:40

Sorry, bit of a long one..

Friend's DH picked my up and then did a handbrake skid and a donut in an empty car park.

All the extra unrelated comments about their "nice lifestyle" etc. made it way longer than it needed to be.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/11/2022 19:40

He's in his early 50s. He has kids and is married....

What's that got to do with anything? I'm in my 30s. Married. Have a child. Drive a very sensible estate car. Used to drive performance cars. Have been drifting and on tracks. What my life looks like now doesn't stop me loving those things. And if I had the car, and the child wasn't in it and there was the opportunity to have what I see as fun, I'd do it.

Just because YOU disagree that it's fun, doesn't make him a complete idiot. He probably doesn't think mumsnet is fun but he's not badmouthing you to anyone for being on it.

YABU

Fleurdaisy · 06/11/2022 19:41

Mummieslncorporated · 05/11/2022 19:14

It wasn't as dangerous as it would have seemed to you - but you had no way of knowing that. I'm not surprised you were a bit shaken.

It's up to you, but I suspect his wife knows that its the kind of thing he'd do. Personally I wouldn't say anything.

This.
Midlife crisis, he thinks he’s 18 again. Very sad.

DarkKarmaIlama · 06/11/2022 19:48

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

Well good for you. It’s still common decency to let someone know what you’re about to do though. Perhaps he should keep those skids for when he’s on his own the sad bastard.

LeMoo · 06/11/2022 19:49

I voted not yanbu but only because I think he was incredibly inconsiderate to spring it on you like that and not check that you were OK/ apologise. I'm not surprised you were scared.

I would say something to my friend in your shoes and hope that an apology would be forthcoming.

AlbertaAnnie · 06/11/2022 19:52

I think you have very sheltered life to be so bothered by this that you came in here tote everyone about it……

CambsAlways · 06/11/2022 19:53

Must admit I did think it was going to be about acting inappropriately and coming on to you

Bubblepunk · 06/11/2022 20:00

You can't control how it affected you and it was obviously unexpected and scared you but I think yabu and massively overreacting to still be stewing on it and thinking badly of him for it.

Try looking at it in context - massive empty car park, generally sensible trustworthy person and doesn't have a habit of dangerous driving or road rage incidents, it sounds to me like he was in control of the car the whole time and only did it because he knew he could do it safely there. Either ask him not to do it again or make your own way home next time and put it out of your mind

Mandyjack · 06/11/2022 20:01

I think it's an odd thing to do with a neighbour /friend in the car but don't think I'd bring it up to his wife unless she does. If you didn't feel safe with him and he offers a lift again then decline or say I'm not being funny but I was shocked by what you did.

Kjpt140v · 06/11/2022 20:05

How did he get in the car park without prepayment? I don't believe you. Even if it did happen, we are all boys at heart and I would probably have done similar.
You should be grateful and not be inventing a rubbish tale.

WTAFhappened123 · 06/11/2022 20:06

I clutch your hand from your pearls and use public transport in future

WTAFhappened123 · 06/11/2022 20:06

Unclutch*

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 06/11/2022 20:07

DarkKarmaIlama · 06/11/2022 19:48

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

Well good for you. It’s still common decency to let someone know what you’re about to do though. Perhaps he should keep those skids for when he’s on his own the sad bastard.

Personally I would check someone was comfortable. My point was more around why it doesn't make him an idiot. Or a sad bastard as you nicely put it. Enjoying a bit of tyre squealing doesn't make you sad. Just makes you different to people who don't enjoy it 🙄

DarkKarmaIlama · 06/11/2022 20:09

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos

It very much makes you a sad bastard if you just HAVE to do it whilst your friends wife is in the car. He clearly had no self control because you know he just couldn’t resist. That alone makes him a very sad bastard.

If he had done it alone I take your point, each to their own.

DarkKarmaIlama · 06/11/2022 20:09

*wife’s friend rather

MrsLighthouse · 06/11/2022 20:37

As others have said ..misleading title . I was getting prepared for hate him for making a pass at you . Yes it. was childish of him and l might have been a bit pissed off, but if you were shaking for ages after then l can’t help thinking you’ve led a very sheltered life ! Sure it wasn’t fun for you but it wasn’t a hanging offensive. In all likelihood his wife will know what he’s like and probably laugh. Just don’t accept a lift again .