Skidding Car - friend's husband today "couldn't resist the opportunity"

[alwaysmovingforwards]

Sorry, bit of a long one..

I flew back to the UK today and my friend's husband had kindly agreed to give me a lift home from the airport. Such a lovely gesture - saves me either a hefty taxi bill or 2+hrs on public transport. My friend lives close to me and her husband owns companies on the industrial estates near the airport , so he's always doing that route. I get on really well with both of them and their family, they're all lovely people, seem very happy and lead a very nice lifestyle. It was my friend who made the offer and we arranged a couple of weeks ago, he then followed up on text to say it's no problem just let him flight details etc which I did.

Anyway, we arranged for me to get the airport bus 10mins to the long stay carpark to avoid the airport fees, which makes sense. So I get there and he arrives shortly after. It's a massive carpark and pretty much empty so he pulls up right next to the little shelter thing, we say hi, he gives me a hand putting my bag in the boot and I get in and buckle up. As we pull away I'm saying thank you and was about to ask how everyone is, but he's smiling and says "sorry, just can't resist the opportunity..."

He then accelerates his car really quickly, turns and the whole car starts skidding sideways! The engine sounds incredibly loud and must be revving right up to full power and we're literally sliding on the wet carpark in a big circle, totally terrifying. I don't know if he was in control because the steering wheel was moving around quickly but didn't seem to correlate with the direction of the car. It's one of the most shocking things I've ever experienced and I don't like roller coasters etc.

He then slows, chuckles "just couldn't resist it" again and calmly drives to the barriers, exits smoothly towards the motorway, puts the radio on and then casually starts asking how my trip was.. as if that whole thing didn't happen! I tried to speak on the way home, to be polite and make small talk, but in all honesty I was feeling very ill and my legs were shaky 40mins later when he dropped me off.

Should I tell my friend what an abolosute idiot her husband actually is? On one had I really appreciate the gesture of giving me a lift and value our friendship, but on the other this was an incredibly dangerous and shocking incident she should be aware of.

It's so weird, because up until now I thought he was a really nice guy. But I just can't see him in the same way any more. I know he likes fast cars because she's told me that the stables at their house have been converted into garages and he has various cars in there. I've been in the car with him before and he's been a really good confident driver, very safe and smooth. He's in his early 50s FFS!

To make matters worse, I called my parents when home to say hi after my trip. I spoke to my Dad as even though he's in his 70s, he knows lots about cars and I explained what happened and he sort of laughed and said "well, once every now and again, why not eh..."
Seriously WTF?!?

So AIBU to be so shocked and upset by this? I still feel nauseous now.

Or is there a weird parallel universe I've just discovered where respectable, responsible, grown arse men with kids and wives and businesses, that should know better, see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?

@mansviewpoint I agree with you. It’s not the manoeuvre in an empty car park that is unreasonable, it is that it was unexpected and the Op had no choice in whether or not they wanted to participate.

Everyone has a right to have some control/choice/decision over their own lives and the Op had that completely denied her.

However, @alwaysmovingforwards previous poster’s who have pointed out that the wording in your Op is leading people to anticipate that this man made an inappropriate pass at you are not wrong. It is exactly what I thought you were going to say, but took a completely different turn. It really does come across as you deliberately misleading people. Most people just don’t like that so will less likely empathise with you.

So depressing that there are so many women who still think like this and make allowances for pathetic male displays like this with excuses like 'boys with toys'.

It’s not just boys. I knew a couple of girls who did this in my youth. I grew up in a rural area and everyone young drove as soon as possible. A lot of 17 yr olds were hammering round those country roads and ‘turning donuts’ in forestry car parks etc. Mostly boys but not exclusively.
There was little else to do.

I'm a female. I feel the need to point out.

I wouldn't have done it with someone else in the car without warning them but come on. It's hardly a big drama.

But we're you shaking AND crying op?

Just spotted your user name.
😂😂😂😂

Do you watch TV? Surely you've seen it there, unless you restrict your watching to Antiques Roadshow and Countryfile?

I have herd of a handbrake turn, but not a donut and didn’t know what one was. And you’re right, I don’t think Top Gear is the pinnacle of TV entertainment like many on this thread seemingly do. I shouldn’t have to defend my super-interesting, thrill-filled life and TV tastes to be “allowed” to have not heard of a donut, maybe I just don’t hang out with immature idiots, but it wouldn’t actually matter if I was the dullest, tamest person in the world. It’s still not OK to do this with a passenger in the car without checking with them and for some passengers - for a variety of reasons PPS have explained - it would be reasonable for them to find it horribly traumatic.

I was once in my car when it skidded on black ice. It actually only went on for a few seconds and I wasn’t moving fast. But it was very frightening because of the lack of control, it was unexpected and I didn’t know how the situation would end up - even though I knew what to do (because yes I am an experienced driver), handled it and it was ok. Those few seconds were really scary. For OP, she wasn’t in control and didn’t know wtf was going on. it’s not an ok thing to do to someone, it’s massively inconsiderate and could be harmful, as PPs have mentioned re health conditions.

This thread reminds me of the massive kick-off and bullying when people say they don’t like office cake culture and being expected to partake of cakes people bring in all the time. Really nasty sneery comments about being a killjoy and no fun. Huge defensiveness from people who can’t bear anyone not sharing their idea of a good time and have to try to take down someone who doesn’t like it.

to OP, I hope you see that’s what’s going on and don’t take it to heart. As for your thread title and OP, yes I also wondered if it was about him making a pass when when I saw that it wasn’t I didn’t see it as you being deliberately misleading.

Maybe her name should be AlwaysMovingForwardsAndInCirclesAtSpeed 😂😂

@Notacompetitiveundereater I didn’t know what a donut is in motoring parlance and I’ve been driving for more than 30 years. Also, it’s a selfish and stupid thing to spring on unsuspecting passenger!

@BatCheeseIsFine

Never in my life heard of the donut. I certainly haven’t been living under a rock either. Funnily enough when I was 17 I used to take the occasional car ride with the local joy riders from my estate and it seems even they had the sense not to do it. Perhaps I don’t know enough spoilt CEO men who think this is okay. Except if you’re the local chav on the estate doing it, it doesn’t sound quite so exciting does it?

I can just imagine my teen daughter coming home and telling me this and me telling her to get a grip or loosen up.

Yeah right. Pathetic.

Is he called Jeremy, James or

Richard ?
(pressed too soon 😁)

I think this thread shows that if you grew up doing donuts in your local McDonalds car park as a teen, or if you’re particularly into cars as a hobby, you wouldn’t be fazed by this and would possibly even think it was cool/fun. You wouldn’t be scared or upset because you’d know what was happening and would be used to it.

But it also shows that not everyone did that, not everyone has experience of doing ‘donuts’ or being in a car with someone doing one. They’re not a given as part of everyone’s normal experiences of driving! I find it interesting that a few people have assumed that OP doesn’t drive (a cardinal sin on Mumsnet!) because she was surprised by a driver doing a donut . I find that a bizarre assumption. I drive and I’ve never done one, it’s never occurred to me to attempt one and I have never been in a car with anyone else doing one.

And maybe YOU know it’s safe and not a big deal because you spent your teens happily skidding around wet and icy car parks, but is it really so hard to imagine that for someone who has no experience of that, being in a car and having the driver suddenly pull that manoeuvre with no warning would be incredibly scary? And that doing so is a bit of a dick move, to say the least?

Kids liking the food item of doughnuts, is amusing. You’ve got a shit sense of humour.

Everyone with any sense would love to know how to drift.

If I were the OP I would be questioning my husband as to why he isn't as skilled or successful as her friend's.

@MaxTalk

Oh what a load of nonsense. Next thing someone here will suggest adding a donut to the driving test syllabus.

A load of women getting wet over a business owner doing a donut is the most embarassing thing I’ve read on mumsnet in a long time.

Sad, sad, sad.

In his own time on his own - maybe. I take a dim view though. Although even then if it goes wrong he could cause a very nasty accident. He might not spot someone or go over a barrier for example. There are organised places you can go to drive like this.

With you or anyone else in the car, no way. Do they have kids? If so, I'd definitely tell her as he might pull this stunt. Otherwise, I might, I might not. Not sure yet but probably would.

Btw, I like cars a lot. I also like safety and 50yo men to behave like adults.

Cor his poor tyres.

Anyway, "is there a weird parallel universe where men see it as perfectly acceptable to be doing skidding and sliding and loud engine revving in their cars?"

Nope, not parallel, this one. And women too. It's an inner child thing 🤷🏻‍♀️

He’s a twerp, you’re a pearl-clutching prig.

I’d have loved this. Some people pay good money for it. This does not make him a bad person I think you are being a bit pathetic and a drama queen.

If drifting was in the driving test, the driving standard in this country would probably be a lot higher so not sure what that has to do with anything.

My 5 year old loves it when I slide the car about a bit and knows all about donights. The sweet ringed variety and the tyre burning type. Think he prefers the latter too.. :)

Personally I think he was an idiot

Pretty sure the title was intended to make people think he'd tried it on with you.

I'd have hated this sort of behaviour in a car, but shaking afterwards? Nah.

I bet you’re fun at a party!

Surely airport car parks are heaving with CCTV cameras? He'll have been caught on one or two of them (if this actually happened).