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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick to death of hearing about people's cancer

336 replies

MiserableCow2022 · 05/11/2022 17:26

I've name changed for this one because I'm pretty sure I'm going to get massive abuse for it but I'm a regular poster.
What the title says, I am sick to death of everybody and their brothers cancer or other appalling disease being postered up in every magazine and newspaper all of the time with week by week progress of their dying. This morning headline news was another "celeb" and her cancer.
I feel sorry for her, I'm not a monster but that's for her and her family to deal with it isn't headline news.
I've had a terrible sad life with lots of abuse and illness and I've lost no less than 9 lovely people who were very close to me over the last three years so I've had loads of grief too on top of my own health problems which I choose not to broadcast to the nation or go on about on mumsnet or facebook.
Isn't life just shit enough for everyone now without reading about people's terminal illnesses every single day - it's enough to make you want to just end it all.
I don't find people like bowelbabe inspiring, she is gone and her children are motherless and we all had to watch her dying and shrinking bit by bit, nor do I find Sarah Beany's bald head refreshing or inspiring.
I just wish they could just keep it it to themselves and their families.
Everytime I look at the papers I think it's going to be me next.
When I grew up people with a terminal illness just got on with it and retreated into the bosom of their families to die and I wish they would do that now. That is certainly what I am going to do.
People will be informed of my terminal decline only after I've gone. I have no intention of rubbing their noses in it everyday.
I want to die with dignity away from the public gaze and not drag anyone else down with me.
I think part of the reason people do the public thing is because they are terrified of dying and can't accept it and going public distracts them.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Tillsforthrills · 05/11/2022 20:01

LoobyDop · 05/11/2022 19:58

That’s not fair. If you don’t like it, you can hide it. Can you not see the hypocrisy of trying to silence the OP for saying she finds hearing about something constantly upsetting?

Show quote history

She’s not though. She’s telling people life is hard enough so she doesn’t care, that they should just shut up and die alone so as not to inconvenience anyone. I agree this thread could be very distressing to sufferers of cancer.

Shame on you OP.

A580Hojas · 05/11/2022 20:03

If you didn't know about Bowel Babe then you must never read or watch the news.

CrabbitBastard · 05/11/2022 20:04

On the one hand, it raises awareness and can lead to donations to research, I also don't think cancer or other illnesses should be a secret or shameful thing.

However, there are those who use illness, or relative's illness as a means to enhance their profile. Look at Captain Tom's family. I think they liked the attention and celebrity far too much and IIRC misused the donations.

But we cannot know for sure why people go public and it's really up to them.

A580Hojas · 05/11/2022 20:05

There are many reasonable and well articulated messages on this thread about why the OP might not be being unreasonable. No need for knee-jerk "shame on you" contributions.

Mummbles · 05/11/2022 20:06

CrabbitBastard · 05/11/2022 20:04

On the one hand, it raises awareness and can lead to donations to research, I also don't think cancer or other illnesses should be a secret or shameful thing.

However, there are those who use illness, or relative's illness as a means to enhance their profile. Look at Captain Tom's family. I think they liked the attention and celebrity far too much and IIRC misused the donations.

But we cannot know for sure why people go public and it's really up to them.

Captain Tom didn't have an illness though, did he? He died of covid way, way, way after he'd raised the money and become "famous".

mumboss1984 · 05/11/2022 20:06

Not fair! If she doesn’t like it she can not read it 👍

Mummbles · 05/11/2022 20:06

A580Hojas · 05/11/2022 20:05

There are many reasonable and well articulated messages on this thread about why the OP might not be being unreasonable. No need for knee-jerk "shame on you" contributions.

I haven't seen a single reasonable one...

Louis45 · 05/11/2022 20:06

One day we will have a cure

Can anybody shed any light on the theory about cannabis oil being an effectibe treatment? I'm completely in the dark about anything to do with that so I don't know what to think personally but I've heard from multiple people that it can. Is It a load of rubbish or?

hattie43 · 05/11/2022 20:06

@Tillsforthrills

She hasn't used that tone at all and an awful lot of cancer sufferers are agreeing with her .
The bottom line is cancer is a very personal journey and it's up to the individuals how they approach it .

mumboss1984 · 05/11/2022 20:06

Agreed

Winterscomingagain · 05/11/2022 20:08

I totally agree with the op. Everyone's illness is so different and unfair comparisons are also made. The average woman who's loosing her hair won't be having a professional make over and photograph to mark the moment. It also feeds into the narrative of "fighting cancer".Some one you don't know is on Instagram and saying they have stage 4 cancer but they look fabulous, you have stage 4 can we and feel like shit every day.

whatwasIgoingtosay · 05/11/2022 20:08

Well, this has divided opinion! Since 50% of us will have cancer during our lifetimes, and many of us will be cured or at least be able to live well with the disease for many years, I think it is important that it is openly discussed and everyone is aware of what to look for, to accept smear teats, poo tests etc and to know about lifestyles that protect against the disease. When I was a child the 'big C' was spoken about only in hushed tones and was a certain death sentence. Now research has brought treatments and cures for many cancers and so much more is known by the public, largely because of media publicity. If a few celebrities share upsetting news, surely that is a good price to pay for the benefits that increased awareness of cancer has brought to society?

mumboss1984 · 05/11/2022 20:09

@Denny53 Really sorry you have had to see this, I hope they take it down.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 05/11/2022 20:09

I wonder if your own feelings of hurt, sadness, anger and fear are really what you are expressing, however unpleasant to some?
I don't agree with you, but I understand what you are saying.
I think suffering in silence is quite isolating and lonely and however well meaning not to burden others, deprives loved ones, friends, family, from expressing their own sadness and fear; as well as the opportunity to show their love and concern and provide care and comfort. It helps with healing and gives the dying comfort knowing they matter. It's the epitome of humanity, really.
When people publicly share their grief, pain and struggles it allows them to gain support and validation and helps others in their own struggles. Just my opinion.

NothingSurprisesMeAnymore · 05/11/2022 20:10

I wish there was a simple 'like' button. Completely agree with your comment OP.

RLScott · 05/11/2022 20:11

Erictheavocado · 05/11/2022 17:52

I agree. Someone close to me has recently been diagnosed with cancer and their first thought was of the celebrity who had a very public battle with the same cancer and sadly died. They assumed that they would have the same journey. Thankfully, their out one is different, but they assumed the worst because of the daily updates on the celebrity.
I had the greatest admiration for David Bowie, Terry Wogan, Victoria Wood and a few others who kept their final illnesses to themselves and their families.

Rickman is another who didn’t say a word (also died the same month as Bowie and Wogan).

Some illnesses do need more exposure due to lack of funding for a cure. MND being one. One such sufferer is the rugby league player Rob Burrow and the BBC documentaries on him have been amazing.

A580Hojas · 05/11/2022 20:13

You don't think a single person who has responded yanbu to this op is reasonable? really?

Ingrainedagainstthegrain · 05/11/2022 20:14

No. People who are dying do not need to retreat into their homes so you don't have to see them. There is nothing shameful about dying. If you want to live loudly, you can. If they want to die loudly, it's still their world too.

Rippled · 05/11/2022 20:15

There is someone I know who, every few weeks, will put a post up on SM about grieving her dead mum or dad.

One died 4 years ago, the other 7 years ago.

But the posts get clicks or comments and I suppose that's all that matters these days. This woman is 50 - so a bit old for chasing clicks, I'd have thought, but there you go.

Tillsforthrills · 05/11/2022 20:17

hattie43 · 05/11/2022 20:06

@Tillsforthrills

She hasn't used that tone at all and an awful lot of cancer sufferers are agreeing with her .
The bottom line is cancer is a very personal journey and it's up to the individuals how they approach it .

That is what she has said in her opening post.

I agree with you that people should be able to handle it their own way but reading the opening post and some comments could make people feel like they shouldn’t share this traumatic and scary event or that they’re depressing people. Some want to handle it by sharing, each day could be a victory for them.

EngTech · 05/11/2022 20:17

Fully agree with the OP’s comments

We each deal with death in our own unique way and I fully respect that

Tillsforthrills · 05/11/2022 20:19

Mumtobabyhavoc · 05/11/2022 20:09

I wonder if your own feelings of hurt, sadness, anger and fear are really what you are expressing, however unpleasant to some?
I don't agree with you, but I understand what you are saying.
I think suffering in silence is quite isolating and lonely and however well meaning not to burden others, deprives loved ones, friends, family, from expressing their own sadness and fear; as well as the opportunity to show their love and concern and provide care and comfort. It helps with healing and gives the dying comfort knowing they matter. It's the epitome of humanity, really.
When people publicly share their grief, pain and struggles it allows them to gain support and validation and helps others in their own struggles. Just my opinion.

Spot on.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 05/11/2022 20:21

No, there is nothing shameful about dying. And those who wish to die publicly should absolutely be allowed to do so. Those who find it painful to see over and over again via media which cannot be easily avoided should also be allowed to express their distress and discomfort.

I cannot avoid it. I run a business. I maintain my pages and algorithms are in my face all the time.

I have to be hard. I have to not react. I just have to get on with it.

i could probably do grief podcasts - but Christ on a bike, is this how the world works now?

Milking the agony is not in my nature.

MinnieMountain · 05/11/2022 20:22

It’s a heck of a lot easier for you to hide this thread than for OP to ignore the news in general @mumboss1984.

I've had cancer and I understand where you’re coming from OP.

CornishGem1975 · 05/11/2022 20:23

I could care less really. I have the ability to choose what I read and what I don't read.

But sweeping things under the carpet doesn't stop that happening and if reading about a celeb with cancer encourages other people to get a smear test or get their boobs checked (and it does...) then that's a great thing.