Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else in their 30s and worried?

265 replies

NairobiGal · 04/11/2022 17:00

Of course this might apply to other age groups but I can only speak for myself. I'm in my 30s. Saved and saved to get a mortgage which years ago would have been possible on my wage. Now, once I've saved enough to get a 5% mortgage, it's not possible and my savings are rapidly declining because my wage no no longer covers everything. I'm lucky to be in a position where I have a bit saved, as some of my friends have nothing and are getting further and further into debt. I'm worried that by the time we are out of this mess, if we are ever out of it, my savings will be next to gone, I'll be back to square one, and will be nearly 50 by the time I can save enough to get a mortgage. I know owning a house isn't the be all and end all, but I'm so disheartened that I spent all those years saving and it's now going on rent, groceries, fuel. Etc. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself but I'm just fed up. For instance when my parents were on a similar equivalent to my wage when I was younger, they could afford a holiday every year. I've never taken my son on holiday and he's 4. I'm not entitled to a holiday but things have changed so much. I thought things were meant to get better for each generation. Not worse. I'm really struggling.

OP posts:
Puppers · 04/11/2022 20:45

OldFan · 04/11/2022 20:04

I don't think young people self-harming over financial worries is about 'oh, I thought I'd be able to buy a house and I can't/can't yet.' If someone is really self-harming over that they have issues and find it hard to roll with the changing circumstances we will face in life.

If someone is self-harming due to finances it's maybe due to debt etc, financial problems, not due to not having what they want when they want it. It's not really comparable.

You’re hugely minimising what young people are actually facing. They are facing suppressed wages, rising costs across the board - especially essential costs like energy, and the inability to buy their own home probably ever. Which in turn means being forced to accept a level of financial instability that comes with at the mercy of landlords and the rental market. Which in turn impacts all their life decisions, such as if/when to have kids etc. Once you’re sucked into the rental trap, it’s incredibly difficult to get out. You’re stuck paying £1000 on rent which renders you unable to save the £50k deposit that would allow you to buy an identical house and pay £500 a month on the mortgage.

It’s not hard to understand why people faced with such bleak prospects, despite the enormous wealth that actually exists in the UK, are experiencing mental health issues as a result. It’s entirely predictable.

irishdoc · 04/11/2022 20:45

Eastangular2000 · 04/11/2022 19:07

Seriously you were 17 when you got together. 17 year olds are not exactly known for their superb judgement.

Serious lack of empathy in this thread. I despair

runjy · 04/11/2022 20:50

the wage stagnation is shocking. I worked in a shop around uni, 20 yrs later the pay is similar!

OneCup · 04/11/2022 20:56

Rents, childcare, tuition fees have increased so much in such a short period of time. It's shocking. You don't stand much of a chance if you don't come from money. It's very depressing.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/11/2022 21:00

FarmGirl78 · 04/11/2022 20:30

Out of interest.... does your Son do overtime or have a second job? I really don't wish to sound smug, but that's the only way I saved enough. I genuinely don't know if this was the norm or I was nuts for doing it. Do 20/30somethings work second jobs these days?

(Yes I am aware I sound like an old crinkly saying "I remember when all this wer fields" 🤣)

Pretty much everybody in my family, including my parents and grandparents, worked second jobs in their 20s and 30s. My sister and I, too. We are comfortable but really put in our time hustling to get ahead.

It's a very competitive world we live in.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/11/2022 21:01

runjy · 04/11/2022 20:50

the wage stagnation is shocking. I worked in a shop around uni, 20 yrs later the pay is similar!

Unfortunately it's supply and demand. A never-ending supply of human labour has an adverse effect on wages. There will always be someone, somewhere, willing to do the job for less. And with a global pool of workers to choose from, as technology spreads, employers aren't motivated to improve conditions.

JaninaDuszejko · 04/11/2022 21:03

The OP is a single mum who has left an abusive relationship (@NairobiGal well done for achieving that). This demographic has always struggled to buy a home, this is not just an economical situation issue. If she was an older boomer in the 60s she's be in a terrible situation, unable to rent or get a job and with every chance she'd have her children taken from her. Things are better than they were in the past even though it doesn't feel like it because we forget (or don't even know) how different life was. She bought her first house at a very young age (for context the average age for FTB is now 34, it was 31 in 2002 and 29 in the 90s) and while she may be above average now there is still plenty of time for her to get a mortgage.

Every generation in their youth feels poor. I'm Gen X, we spent our 20s in badly heated, grotty flatshares. We were called the 'slacker' generation because we were seen as lazy (there was high unemployment in the 80s and 90s so people, even graduates, struggled to get jobs). But now we're in our affluent 40s and 50s and are seen as the rich bad guy. Baby boomers were considered to be the end of civilisation, they rebelled against everything and created youth culture. And now they are the richest generation.

There are no guarantees but millenials will start inheriting from their baby boom parents in the next few years and by the time you are 50 things will have changed again. Try not to worry about things you can't change and keep saving in as efficient an account as possible.

runjy · 04/11/2022 21:03

well i'm not sure what will happen going forward since we have a labour shortage & need more migrants, which is not so popular...

runjy · 04/11/2022 21:05

Every generation in their youth feels poor.

But I thought statistically the younger generations now are poorer at every stage?

There are no guarantees but millenials will start inheriting from their baby boom parents in the next few years and by the time you are 50 things will have changed again.

How much value is an inheritance when you are approaching retirement yourself plus what about those without an inheritance?

Caroffee · 04/11/2022 21:06

CherylCrows · 04/11/2022 17:48

And you sound petulant

No, they don't sound petulant.

Now you sound petty, @CherylCrows for trading insults.

daisychain01 · 04/11/2022 21:12

blebbleb · 04/11/2022 18:04

This is why it’s better to buy before having children though

Captain hindsight strikes!

Come on, are you telling me people of childbearing age can't think and plan ahead? Knowing the impact of having children on family income shouldn't be something that's thought about in hindsight, that's clueless. It's not rocket science.

Blossomtoes · 04/11/2022 21:12

How much value is an inheritance when you are approaching retirement yourself

A lot if you’ve still got a mortgage. Or if you’ve got adult kids - I know someone who bought her adult son a house outright with hers, that’s pretty valuable.

Gemstar2 · 04/11/2022 21:15

Discovereads · 04/11/2022 19:37

Exactly,
And I hate how these threads descend into posters adding insult to injury. They pore over your life and go

“There! That’s where you fucked up, and it’s so glaringly obvious to anyone with a modicum of sense you should have done x and not y. That’s why what happened to you happened and could never happen to me because I’m smarter/work harder/ make better choices”

Everytime someone has valid complaints about the housing situation and the cost of living crisis, some ass wipe always has to pipe up and go, it’s your own fault really, you had children you couldn’t afford…

Then the poor OP has to defend their life circumstances. The OP isn’t on trial fir being a feckless fool. She’s right to be worried. This is a crisis that is not her fault and so much is not in her control. Families are going homeless and hungry right now. If you’re lucky enough to be far away from the cliff edge, don’t confuse that luck with superiority.

👏

Bearthepooh · 04/11/2022 21:18

I agree, turning 32 soon we got our house at 25, got cats, first child born 1 week before lockdown 1, call it 2.5 years ago and everything has gone to shit since. Me and dp are earning 10k more now then we did 2.5 years ago and are worse off. We had plans to move next year and now can't as our remortgage is due and energy tariff will run out at same time and we'll £500 a month worse off. There's no way 3 years ago when we got the cats and planned to have a baby to expect this. Weve worked hard to get promotions and in normal circumstances should be living comfortably. I've been having sleepless nights about it recently.

JaninaDuszejko · 04/11/2022 21:20

How much value is an inheritance when you are approaching retirement yourself plus what about those without an inheritance?

Well I'm in my 50s and both my baby boomer DM and silent generation MIL are still alive. My mother's parents died in their 90s when she was in her late 50s, early 60s, DHs grandmothers both died when his parents were also in their late 50s, early 60s. I think it's normal to inherit when approaching retirement and the money is useful for extra security at an age when you are no longer earning.

If millenials have parents who were not property owners and there is no estate then they can't complain they are poorer than their parents which is what this thread is about.

Worriedddd · 04/11/2022 21:21

People saying you should plan this or that before becoming a parent. I became a parent at 20 we now have a household income of 140k, I'm 29 and my DD is 9. Yes it's been a bloody hard slog and I probably won't have anymore children but my life has turned out fine. I've actually had a health scare if the cells haven't been removed from this latest treatment I will probably need a hysterectomy going forward. I don't regret having my DD for a second it was the best decision if I had waited and done things right in the eyes of Mumsnet. I might be childless .

Lifeomars · 04/11/2022 21:29

I think the way things are now is terrible, I really feel for young people, it must feel overwhelming and so hard to see a way forward.

OldFan · 04/11/2022 21:30

Things are never going to get any easier, so it's best to manage expectations

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune I don't know about that, the economy goes up and down and global/national circumstances vary.

But being able to deal with things not going exactly as you hoped is a definite bonus in life, whereas being reliant on everything panning out like an Insta feed tends to lead to disappointment.

dandelionthistle · 04/11/2022 21:31

Discovereads · 04/11/2022 19:37

Exactly,
And I hate how these threads descend into posters adding insult to injury. They pore over your life and go

“There! That’s where you fucked up, and it’s so glaringly obvious to anyone with a modicum of sense you should have done x and not y. That’s why what happened to you happened and could never happen to me because I’m smarter/work harder/ make better choices”

Everytime someone has valid complaints about the housing situation and the cost of living crisis, some ass wipe always has to pipe up and go, it’s your own fault really, you had children you couldn’t afford…

Then the poor OP has to defend their life circumstances. The OP isn’t on trial fir being a feckless fool. She’s right to be worried. This is a crisis that is not her fault and so much is not in her control. Families are going homeless and hungry right now. If you’re lucky enough to be far away from the cliff edge, don’t confuse that luck with superiority.

👏👏👏

bigbluebus · 04/11/2022 21:33

I have an adult DS (mid 20's) living at home after graduating so he could save up to buy a house. We don't live in really expensive area and he will have a 10% deposit but won't be able to afford the mortgage alongside other expenses now that interest rates have gone up. Professional house shares aren't really a thing around here (rural area) and rental properties are really difficult to get as they are snapped up before they're even advertised. And if he rented he'd stand no chance of saving.

I can see him being stuck at home for a while yet (which was never his or our plan) as there's little alternative.

OldFan · 04/11/2022 21:38

When did people start expecting that each generation will do better financially/materially than the last? I've seen people say this a few times over the last five or ten years and always find it surprising.

Parents hope their kids will do better than they did and try and do what they can to ensure it.

But after seeing recessions etc I don't see how anyone can think things nationally or globally naturally go in any one way.

Orangepolentacake · 04/11/2022 21:43

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/11/2022 19:30

@Orangepolentacake

completely separate from your post, but I don’t think an abortion has been proven to have any kind of negative consequences for any subsequent pregnancies

Its not like it one gets pregnant at a completely unfeasible time they have to continue the pregnancy cos if they terminate they then won’t pregnant at a better time (For them and the foetus) later down the line

@LuckySantangelo35 yes, correct, it has not - I in fact once had an abortion and, 4 years later and very different life circumstances, had my DS.

I meant more in general - fertility can also fluctuate/be impacted by medical treatments/infertility might be secondary/etc

KookyNotOoky · 04/11/2022 21:46

Our boomer parents saw their economic lives improve, often dramatically, both in comparison to their parents and also within their own lifetimes. Their mistake was to assume that this would continue indefinitely, if not actually get better, with their children having richer lives yet (in all meanings of the word), and they raised us with this mindset.

The reality is that the post-war boom was a blip, and now the old class-bound, economically straightened world of our grandparents is back. I've kept telling myself during the madness of the past 20 years that we've bottomed out and the good times will be back - through the start of the house price insanity under Blair, the 2008 crash, the austerity years, then the (utterly needless and self-destructive) Covid lockdowns, the political chaos in the UK and elsewhere, followed by the current inflationary/economic tailspin clusterf* which has no end in sight. I've now accepted that this is the new normal, and the country is in irreversible decline and economic stagnation (hence why I am seriously considering not having kids).

People in their 30s now have lived through two of the worst recessions in history, a severe hacking away at public services, have often racked up £10,000s of debt getting useless degrees we were told would be a golden ticket to social mobility, pay anything from 1/3 - 1/2 of our income on rent for typically poor quality accomodation (also making it even harder to save for a deposit, as house prices rise and rise), have to work longer and harder in often poorly paying jobs, competing against the world and his wife who've all been invited to live here, whilst been told by patronising boomers (who got their degree for free and bought when houses were sensibly priced) that we just need to buckle down and stop wasting money on avocado toast.

The old safety valve of emigration is also no longer a realistic option for most. Obviously Brexit (though the EU was frankly of little use anyone to anyone not speaking a foreign language, and they are in just as bad, if not worse, economic straits then we are). All the obvious contenders - NZ, Oz, USA, Canada etc. are now extremely exacting as to who they'll let in, and all face similar issues (if not as far gone as the UK).

I could go on about the increase in crime, coarsening of manners, rise in homelessness on our city street and general signs of social decay all around. Face facts. The UK is in decline. People living in the dying days of the Roman Empire felt the same way. We've had our time in the sun and future belongs to other countries now, most obviously China, a totalitarian dictatorship which is using the technological advances of the modern world to create ever greater and more intrusive forms of surveillance, most obviously with their grotesque 'social credit' system. Sadly western governments seems to be rather jealous, and the lite version trialled here during the height of the vaccine hysteria shows that most Brits are very comfortable with the idea. Which means I can't really see our freedom-based, democratic system surviving out this century tbh.

But, as the those patronising boomers love to say, be glad you don't live in South Sudan/Bangladesh/Haiti where things are even worse.

Stickystitch · 04/11/2022 21:51

I think I'm beyond worried at this stage. I've just thrown the towel in. Cest la vie.

I'm mid 30s and in the process of accepting that I won't have children now because a) we won't be able to give them the start in life that we'd like to b) we worry about what their future will be like. I'm permanently stressed about housing, job security, and bills. We were close to being able to buy a home, but it's not going to happen now.

It's really sad that people here are preaching to prioritise buying a house before having children. As if it's that easy. And there's kind of a deadline on having children...

Hayliebells · 04/11/2022 21:51

YellowTreeHouse · 04/11/2022 18:08

This is why you should always prioritise buying a house before having kids, because if you don’t, you’re never going to own a house.

Well yes, this is the truth of the matter. It's a sad reality, but it doesn't make it any less of a reality. The person who points this out isn't patronising, or mean, and it's not necessarily said with hindsight. It could well be that many posters realised that it would be nigh on impossible after having children, so made decisions accordingly. That's not hindsight.