Anyone else’s nursery pulling this stunt at the moment?

[Skinnermarink]

Let me preface this by saying I KNOW nursery work is hard and it’s long and it’s woefully underpaid. It was a long time ago but I’ve worked in one myself. I can totally see why there’s a recruitment crisis with it at the moment.

DS is one and we thought we’d found a good nursery. Long established, nice staff etc. I wasn’t keen on sending him at all because I wanted him at home with me but it’s not financially viable. So four days a week he goes, at a cost of £1100 a month.

The amount of calls we’ve had to go and collect him over something or other have ramped up in the past eight weeks to the point of ridiculousness. They include

-a temperature that we never managed to catch at home and he was completely well. That happed 3x
upset stomach that magically we never saw at home, but came with a 48 hour exclusion. This went on for weeks. At worst he had a few soft nappies, certainly nothing anyone could describe as diarrhoea. I eventually got a stool sample to clear him for this at their insistence before they’d have him back. He missed days and days of nursery for this.

Teething pain which meant he was ‘not himself’ (I didn’t collect for this, as he was playing, eating and drinking, and I told them I wasn’t going to collect for something as flimsy as this and they were welcome to give calpol)

a head injury that we had to come immediately for or they’d call an ambulance, threw myself into a taxi in sheer panic to find him running around with a tiny bump on his head, but they wanted me to take him home to be checked out and not return him for 24 hours. I’m not under reacting by the way, it really was in no way anything other than a typical toddler bump.

This week has been the final straw. He had his MMR vaccine last week and developed a few tiny spots- a side effect listed on the NHS website. They called and said we had to collect and he couldn’t return today unless a doctor cleared the ‘rash’.

Luckily our GP is fab and had him in this morning, cleared him in seconds with a note so I took him straight to nursery because I had to get to work. There were already 9 babies in the room, mine would take it to ten. 3 members of staff. They looked pissed off and a bit panicked and said he couldn’t come in unless I had a doctor’s clearance - which I produced. The manager was called down who said they had staff sickness but she would be covering herself until an agency worker arrived.

I felt shit leaving him to be honest but it’s no exaggeration to say our jobs have been on the line due to dropping things to pick him up, staying off with him at short notice etc. we’ve used practically all remaining annual leave we had for Christmas so that’s scuppered plans to visit family. We don’t have any outside help, it’s just us, no grandparents to call in an emergency etc.

So I want to know has anyone else been in this situation? I’m not being paranoid (although I did tell myself I was at first) and I honestly think they have to pick babies to send home to stay within the ratios and then hope they stay off the next day.

I’ll add that DS has been genuinely unwell with things on occasion and of course we’ve kept him off. But we are at our absolute limit now and have pissed hundreds up the wall on unnecessary pick ups and days off.

Think I have found an alternative setting and are looking on Monday, but they have no availability until January.

I’d never chose a cm, didn’t want my kids being an add on in Someone else house. I think there’s more accountability and transparency in a nursery then someone childminding.

Stupid phone

I honestly think it depends on the nursery.

DS1 and DS2 went to same nursery for a period, DS1 in the preschool area, DS2 in baby room. DS1 is relatively robust, and I only collected him once, when he vomited everywhere and they'd had three go home with stomach bugs that week. DS2, got persistent ear infections - would spike a fever overnight, be fine in the morning then suddenly gunge coming out of his ear. They would call me "he's got that gunky ear again, up to you if you want to pick him up." They both had slapped cheek at one point and they said they were fine to go in because the rash meant they were no longer infectious.

DS1 went to school, that nursery closed and we moved DS2 to another one. DS1 had a tendency to vomit once if any situation gets a bit stressful and then be absolutely fine - 48 hours out. Eventually I had to get a letter from my GP to tell them that there was nothing wrong with him and they added to the bottom of the letter that the policy was pointless because you're less contagious with a D&V after you start vomiting. DS2 also home all the time, for head bumps, "he said his foot hurt", he looked like he might have an eye infection (he didn't). I had to start building up a little stack of holiday because between March and May they would be out of school more than they were in it.

So sending sympathies, I'd be having a word with the manager to understand what they class serious enough to call the parents!

@SallyAnnPanakapan and how do you suppose parents 'afford' them if they can't go to work to make money to afford them! Not everybody can be a 1950s style housewife whilst hubby works and provides for the whole family anymore.

Ridiculous and ill thought comment.

Oh Jesus fucking Christ.

There are so many things I could say but you really can’t argue with this level of ignorance, is there?

We are covering strict guidelines, sadly childcare so strict now, we have to follow the protocol. I totally understand your situation and know this can be so frustrating. If a child was ill or showing signs and we did not ask a parent to collect, if anything happened, we would lose our licence. The regulations are very strict re medication and child illnesses.

Awful life? Put your tiny violin away. My kids are happy in nursery. Opens at 7am did I mention that?
Awful? Actually I’ve got it all figured, I always had a plan and yup that included full time nursery from the outset.
Fortunately my partner and I had the same plan, and he doesn’t expect me to give things up because I’m a parent

‘Can you’ I meant to say. What a nasty bitter poster you are @SallyAnnPanakapan

1953 called, it wants its' opinion back.

Opinions like that are what mes every parent convinced theyre doing it wrong. If that worked for you, im delighted for you. Im so happy you were so fulfilled that you felt it necessary to come onto a public forum and berate another parent for choices that have no bearing on your life. I've been a SAHM, nearly lost my mind, cried every day, became completely overwhelmed and felt guilty because I wasn't enjoying this magical time with my children. I've been a part time working parent, felt guilty for not being a good enough employee and not being a good enough parent, I've been a full time working parent and felt guilty because I was missing this magical time with my children.

It's not working that brings on parental guilt, it's parenthood, and ridiculous opinions like this that should have died out in the 1950s. I work full time, like millions of other mothers. My sons know that women can be mothers and be successful and they don't have to choose one or the other.

Definitely seems like a staffing issue. We've had issues like this in my nursery. But never done this to parents.

I would be looking for a new nursery as you don't want your child to be somewhere where staff seem stressed and overworked.

My grandson's nursery tried a stunt like this last week, saying he didn't have a temperature but didn't seem well. A load of rubbish, he was absolutely fighting fit. My daughter refused to collect him.
If he's poorly she has to keep him off for at least 24 hours, a snuffle or a slight cough. He's a slightly chesty child so she's been called in far too often.
Since most of the illnesses that children have are caught at nursery it seems ridiculous to send him home for something minor.

We had this, and no family to help. They did catch an awful lot at first but we also had similar to you. An ankle injury so bad I had to leave work to find him actually running in the garden. The temperatures they never seem to have any other place. DS2 was sick a lot, he had a milk allergy but he would often be sick around food smells. That was very annoying and I’d eventually say ‘was it at meal team’ when I got a call to say he had been sick, and if so I said sorry it’s just part of his allergy and I’m not collecting. Now it would have been easier but neither of us could work at home back then. They are 18 and 14 now, thank god, I have never forgotten how hard it was and hope I live near enough to help my own kids with this as trying to hold onto a career with young kids at nursery is so hard

My dd will be returning to work soon and I’ve encouraged her as I think she has as much right to a career as her dh and so does he.
If a man is going to leave his wife it’s better the wife has a career and a pension surely.
Sahm’s still end up as single parents you know.

I'm a primary school teacher. I've been shouted at by one parent for interrupting her christmas shopping trip by calling to tell her that her son had just projectile vomited all over the classroom and was currently lying on under a blanket on the classroom floor shivering and sweating. Once I showed a parent a very small graze her son had got when he tripped on the playground and was told that she should have been called immediately so she could come to school and decide whether she needed to apply savlon or not!! It may be that the nursery have had some bother from the latter type of parent and are just being cautious at the moment. Especially as you say they have never been like this before.

Youngest DD is 14, so it's been a while. But we never experienced anything like this. WTAF?!

I work in a nursery and have been verbally abused for asking a parent to come and collect their very sick child. It works both ways. Also had parents dose their child up on calpol send them in and inevitably the calpol wears of and the parent has to come and collect them anyway. Never seen the point of that.

@SallyAnnPanakapan oh do go away please and take your 1950s opinions with you.

Op this is def not normal, I agree with op saying they're understaffed and playing a game. I'd do two things, converse with other parents and find out if it's just you. If not, write a collective warning to nursery. Second, when they call I'd find out what exactly is wrong and if minor, go hours later. They'll give up eventually.

But I do feel sorry for the childcare situation in this country and the nurseries having to resort to these tactics. The government must fo something. We have the world's most expensive childcare! And people find nothing wrong with this, with the good old adage of oh it's your choice to have kids (a la Sally Ann above) there must be protests!

That’s as maybe, in your opinion, but who pays you for this ‘career’?

My nursery was absolutely ridiculous during Covid. First time she had a temperature, they said, see what happens. I told the manager I had booked a covid test as precaution. Got told I had to wait for the results. I said well I'll cancel it then, I was just doing it incase. They said no you can't. So I had to wait 48 hours for it to come back negative and she was better within a day. The next time, I booked the test and got the results which were negative and although she was fine in herself, they said no if she's still got a temperature. This happened loads.

Final straw was chicken pox running rampant in the room. They should have closed the room imo. But when it was DD turn, they said she must be off 10 days. The scabs came within 5 days but I followed their advice. Come 10th day, I ask if she can come in. They said no. It needed to be 10 days. I was annoyed so looked up the guidelines which said they can go back after they scab over. So I paid for 5 days that were not used.

When I asked to look at their guidelines, they said they had made a decision to do this. No apology considering I caught her out. No money back.

I left two months later grateful to never have to put up with that bullsh*t again

Not bitter at all. Nothing to be bitter about. Stayed home with my children until they went to school then trained for a great career during which I witnessed the stress and misery of mothers who had to leave their babies to go to work. They didn’t want to. Still very happily married. Didn’t have foreign holidays or many of the things that cannot compensate for such wonderful times with my babies. I had my babies early so plenty of time ahead I hope.

@SallyAnnPanakapan Oh do f*ck off

Being a mum isn’t a job and it isn’t a career. It’s a role and frankly I’m not fulfilled by being a mum, Motherhood doesn’t define me. I chose to work because it’s fulfilling, satisfying and I get approbation from it. I can’t see the correlation between nursery and insurance in case one gets divorced. Anecdotally the couples I know getting divorced have a stay at home mum who doesn’t work and FT worker dad. These women are subsequently compromised as they’ve given up their career to be at home. I chose to work, my mum set me a good example she worked FT too

A very educated reply.

@SallyAnnPanakapan I'm treating you with the respect that's due basically