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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else’s nursery pulling this stunt at the moment?

490 replies

Skinnermarink · 04/11/2022 12:14

Let me preface this by saying I KNOW nursery work is hard and it’s long and it’s woefully underpaid. It was a long time ago but I’ve worked in one myself. I can totally see why there’s a recruitment crisis with it at the moment.

DS is one and we thought we’d found a good nursery. Long established, nice staff etc. I wasn’t keen on sending him at all because I wanted him at home with me but it’s not financially viable. So four days a week he goes, at a cost of £1100 a month.

The amount of calls we’ve had to go and collect him over something or other have ramped up in the past eight weeks to the point of ridiculousness. They include

-a temperature that we never managed to catch at home and he was completely well. That happed 3x
upset stomach that magically we never saw at home, but came with a 48 hour exclusion. This went on for weeks. At worst he had a few soft nappies, certainly nothing anyone could describe as diarrhoea. I eventually got a stool sample to clear him for this at their insistence before they’d have him back. He missed days and days of nursery for this.

Teething pain which meant he was ‘not himself’ (I didn’t collect for this, as he was playing, eating and drinking, and I told them I wasn’t going to collect for something as flimsy as this and they were welcome to give calpol)

a head injury that we had to come immediately for or they’d call an ambulance, threw myself into a taxi in sheer panic to find him running around with a tiny bump on his head, but they wanted me to take him home to be checked out and not return him for 24 hours. I’m not under reacting by the way, it really was in no way anything other than a typical toddler bump.

This week has been the final straw. He had his MMR vaccine last week and developed a few tiny spots- a side effect listed on the NHS website. They called and said we had to collect and he couldn’t return today unless a doctor cleared the ‘rash’.

Luckily our GP is fab and had him in this morning, cleared him in seconds with a note so I took him straight to nursery because I had to get to work. There were already 9 babies in the room, mine would take it to ten. 3 members of staff. They looked pissed off and a bit panicked and said he couldn’t come in unless I had a doctor’s clearance - which I produced. The manager was called down who said they had staff sickness but she would be covering herself until an agency worker arrived.

I felt shit leaving him to be honest but it’s no exaggeration to say our jobs have been on the line due to dropping things to pick him up, staying off with him at short notice etc. we’ve used practically all remaining annual leave we had for Christmas so that’s scuppered plans to visit family. We don’t have any outside help, it’s just us, no grandparents to call in an emergency etc.

So I want to know has anyone else been in this situation? I’m not being paranoid (although I did tell myself I was at first) and I honestly think they have to pick babies to send home to stay within the ratios and then hope they stay off the next day.

I’ll add that DS has been genuinely unwell with things on occasion and of course we’ve kept him off. But we are at our absolute limit now and have pissed hundreds up the wall on unnecessary pick ups and days off.

Think I have found an alternative setting and are looking on Monday, but they have no availability until January.

OP posts:
Zone2NorthLondon · 05/11/2022 19:57

AL is an allocated entitlement of days.Sick days are unplanned and you have no entitlement to take them. It’s morally appalling to take a fake sickie. After sick time off you’ll need to give an explanation and remember your lie. Plus too much sick tomd is potentially disciplinary matter

marmiteadict · 05/11/2022 19:59

Mum of teens here. Exactly the same issues as you with more than one nursery for DS1.

For DS2 I gave up working as a result, a friend changed to a childminder and had a far better experience.

Opal71 · 05/11/2022 20:01

I once had a call from my child's secondary school suggesting that I collect them and take them to A and E as they had an eyelash in their eye and the school nurse couldn't get it out.

Barbados2019 · 05/11/2022 20:02

@Winterfires and this mindset from parents is exactly what rials childcare providers! We do not look after sick children. This is why we have policies in place, most of which are governed by public health. Could you imagine having an outbreak and then explaining to them that you allowed a child into the setting who had a bug so that they could contaminate everything and pass onto others the next time they were in. The poor CM would have had to spend hours cleaning everything and then moping up sick had your child been sick again

Skinnermarink · 05/11/2022 20:04

As for being a SAHM… well actually I’d have dearly loved to stay at home a bit longer!! I adore being with DS. I actually don’t know if anyone well off enough to make that choice though and rely just on the one wage, so I feel that poster is looking at it through the eyes of a certain generation, as that generation are wont to do.

I already condense full time work into 3.5 days, and that’s bloody knackering to be honest!

OP posts:
Thefaceofboe · 05/11/2022 20:07

@Mehmeh22 it doesn’t matter what the cause of a temperature is, it’s not upto the nursery to look after them and be worried about monitoring it, wondering if it’s going to get any higher… it adds responsibility to their (already hectic) day.
Also unfortunately nurseries don’t know which child is going to be poorly from a temperature and which ones are supposedly teething, many parents lie so the nursery will take their child in and usually dose them up with calpol. Sad but true

Mehmeh22 · 05/11/2022 20:13

@Thefaceofboe I'd agree with you if the chicken pox bullcr*p didn't happen. I honestly believe they were worried about staff numbers.

Geneva1994 · 05/11/2022 20:13

Thefaceofboe · 05/11/2022 20:07

@Mehmeh22 it doesn’t matter what the cause of a temperature is, it’s not upto the nursery to look after them and be worried about monitoring it, wondering if it’s going to get any higher… it adds responsibility to their (already hectic) day.
Also unfortunately nurseries don’t know which child is going to be poorly from a temperature and which ones are supposedly teething, many parents lie so the nursery will take their child in and usually dose them up with calpol. Sad but true

Well said! The audacity of some people

Redladybirdbaglady · 05/11/2022 20:13

Ours did similar for a little while, then just closed DD's room completely for weeks at a time. We had a similar situation in that our new choice didn't have places for a couple of months, so we called everywhere we could find until we found somewhere that had a place temporarily. We actually ended up keeping her there as we were really happy with them and she seemed really settled. I would definitely see if there's any other options, have you tried childminders too?

MustWeDoThis · 05/11/2022 20:16

I would tell them you will not be paying for the hours he is not there, so the next time they call you will deduct it from their bill. If they come back with, "...but it's to keep his space", tell them to call around for a child to fill it and it's not down to you to fulfill that loss of profit. They either want to get paid, or they don't.

Thefaceofboe · 05/11/2022 20:20

@Mehmeh22

Yeah that sounds pretty rubbish, did they give a reason for the 10 day exclusion? Could it be that it was recommended by public health due to a big out break? In my setting we recently had a huge breakout of sickness and diarrhoea and public health recommended we exclude children for 48 hours if they have 2 loose stools, instead of the usual 3. Just a thought

HiKelsey · 05/11/2022 20:21

We had this during covid mainly because DD was suffering with ear infections and tonsillitis every other month. She also has multiple allergies so when they slipped up she'd have awful tummy pain and diarrhoea but I'd still have to pay for their mistake. They've been really good since the relaxing of covid guidance though

ThatsGoingToHurt · 05/11/2022 20:35

Casually mention at drop off that you are at a meeting two hours away that day. I bet you won’t get a call!

Ilovemycatalot · 05/11/2022 20:35

@squishymamma so the nursery let him stay with several loose nappies? Either your talking crap or that’s a highly irresponsible nursery.

Tillsforthrills · 05/11/2022 20:37

BusyAllWeek · 04/11/2022 12:43

This really highlights how difficult it is for nurseries to make ends meet.
they need a 1:3 ratio for children under 2. But if they get 1100 pounds per child per month, this means that the fees for 3 children (3300 per month) needs to cover

  • salary of 1 staff member
  • Share of rent, utilities, insurance
  • Share of toys, equipment, materials
  • Share of any management & admin overhead (systems, payroll, etc)
can’t be easy to pay a decent wage! government not parents should be fixing this though.

Gosh that really puts it into perspective!

Nurseries are struggling, long hours, staff paid a pittance for such hard work and responsibility.

However, even so, what they’re going in the OP’s case is just wrong.

Tillsforthrills · 05/11/2022 20:37

*doing

langdale2016 · 05/11/2022 20:39

I work in a nursery setting. We have your child's and other children's interests at heart. We call parents in for temperatures and head bumps.
Please don't under estimate how difficult and exhausting it is to provide the care your child deserves. We do this on a daily basis for incredibly low pay.

Tillsforthrills · 05/11/2022 20:41

MustWeDoThis · 05/11/2022 20:16

I would tell them you will not be paying for the hours he is not there, so the next time they call you will deduct it from their bill. If they come back with, "...but it's to keep his space", tell them to call around for a child to fill it and it's not down to you to fulfill that loss of profit. They either want to get paid, or they don't.

And you would be given notice for breaking the terms and conditions you signed.

Chatterbuginabox · 05/11/2022 20:42

I share your pain OP. I have a 5,4 and 2 year old and this time of year is hard. Since they went back after school hols ive had around 7 calls; always the younger two that aren’t in compulsory education 🤨

Mehmeh22 · 05/11/2022 20:42

@Thefaceofboe They did admit they were following Covid guidance by accident and allowed her to come in. When I came in, I asked to see the actual guidance they use, and it said 'when the stops scab over'. She then admitted she had made the decision to have it 10 days because of the outbreak

That's fine, but it's against public health guidance so I should not have had to pay 5 days for nothing. She should have closed the room. But then that would mean refunding us.

I get the job is hard, but I never took the mick but felt shafted. Stuff like this tarnishes the decent nurseries

squishymamma · 05/11/2022 20:45

@Ilovemycatalot well considering the workers have been in the game 30+ years and both DC are less ill than DS1 was at the first nursery I’d say neither 🙄 it’s their call. And just one example I chose to illustrate my point. But thanks for your highly constructive comment

Frizzyflump · 05/11/2022 20:46

This is exactly what we had, for 5 months when I went back after maternity leave with my second. Both my kids went for only 2 days a week and we would have a call at least once a week for one of the kids to come home. My husbands work was really understanding and also he could work from home but mine made rude comments about ‘mums never wanting to work’ etc. I ended up leaving and becoming a SAHM and now after 6 months have just got a small part time job on an evening and weekend so one of us is always there and my youngest doesn’t need to go to a childcare setting. It’s funny though since my eldest started school nursery, the only call we’ve had was when she swallowed a pebble other than that they’ve just got on with it!

Nothingtoseehereok · 05/11/2022 20:50

Opal71 · 05/11/2022 20:01

I once had a call from my child's secondary school suggesting that I collect them and take them to A and E as they had an eyelash in their eye and the school nurse couldn't get it out.

I had a call from the nurse at mine's primary school. "Can you collect LittleOvary? She had a fall and I think she may need the hospital as she may have broken her leg."

Said child walked down the stairs to meet me. Er - no.

HelloCanYouHearMe · 05/11/2022 20:53

My DS' nursery used to do this when they were short staffed and their ratios were out.

Lovelycuppaooh · 05/11/2022 21:09

This is utterly ridiculous. Next time they say your LO has a temperature, ask them to send you a photo of the temperature recording on the actual thermometer.
Also, it may seem a bit gross but ask them to save the "loose" nappy for you in a nappy sack ( just say its for a doctors sample as your LO doesn't have them at home )
You'll soon know how honest they're being when the calls to collect miraculously stop.
Good luck OP x

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