Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being blamed for sons injury

150 replies

Lemonpink88 · 02/11/2022 19:23

Today I got home from dropping my older son at nursery. My husband was watching our 2 year old at home whilst waiting for a delivery. I arrived home and our 2 year old had burnt his hand upon my straighteners. My husband said this had happend as he had taken him into the bathroom whilst he was having a shower so he could keep an eye on him. My straighteners were plugged in and switched on at the plug but switched off at the hair end. My son got hold of the straighteners and burnt his hand whilst my husband washed. My husband blames the accident upon me as I had left the straighteners plugged in. He says it is 75% my fault and really told me off as I entered the house. I am furious as he is right I shouldn’t of left the straighteners plugged in however he should supervise our son when he is looking after him and not blame his poor parenting upon me. It was then left upon me to soothe our son, treat the burn & work from home & take the delivery whilst he went off to work.
im aware we shouldn’t be arguing over this and be a team but my husband has made me so angry by blaming the accident upon me that I’d appreciate some advice. He works long hours running a business and is very stressed and I work party time in a stressful job and manage the majority of childcare/ house work/mental load.

OP posts:
Bigbadfish · 03/11/2022 09:41

YABU I think you do hold all the blame. If you're not responsible enough to use the straigtners then you shouldn't have them

You didn't just make one mistake there were loads.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 03/11/2022 09:44

50/50.

A child couldn't turn on my straighteners if pulled in.

There is a safety switch children cannot use it.

I hope he is okay.

singlemomof3 · 03/11/2022 10:00

Your straighteners your responsibility you're lucky they didn't burn the house down not just his hand

iwantmyownicecreamvan · 03/11/2022 10:17

TokenGinger · 02/11/2022 23:14

There's a plug on our landing where we plug in our toothbrushes or razors, or we charge them in the bedroom if that plug socket is in use.

Show quote history

I have a charger for my toothbrush inside the bathroom cabinet (which also has a light) - in the UK. I couldn't plug straighteners in it though (even if I wanted to).

TheGoodEnoughWife · 03/11/2022 10:18

Even if the dh doesn't know that straighteners get hot (!) he could presumably see they had a wire?!

He is lucky the child didn't throw them in the shower. Whilst they were switched on.

Bathrooms normally aren't that big. Doesn't take that long to do a quick look round to make sure it is safe.

NotAKnowitall · 03/11/2022 10:18

OP it's not your fault. It's entirely the fault of the adult in charge of the child. Why did your husband - assuming he isn't blind - leave a baby to play in the bathroom without removing any hazards first? How did your husband not see, while stood just feet from the baby in the shower, that baby had picked up your straighteners and not take them off him? Not just because they may get hot but because they're not a toy and baby could break your straighteners. Why didn't your husband put some actual toys in the bathroom to occupy your baby while he showered? Christ on a stick, a man does the bare minimum - no, not even the bare minimum because all he did was move baby to another room - and something goes wrong and it's still the woman's fault.

Yes you left your straighteners out (they wasn't hot or turned on) but you left them in a room that your baby wasn't in nor did you know your baby would be going in. Had you known, I'm confident you would have put them away. However, your husband did know he would be moving baby from his familiar baby friendly environment and putting him in the bathroom and should have done a quick risk assessment removing all hazards like any responsible adult would have. He didn't.

Darbs76 · 03/11/2022 10:19

Well I’d say it’s more your fault yes. You can’t leave them anywhere in reach of kids. Maybe he should have scanned the area before getting in the shower too, but I think it’s reasonable to assume someone hasn’t left straighteners plugged in

NailTapBucket · 03/11/2022 10:20

Yabu for using "should of" and "upon" when you mean on.

AllOfThemWitches · 03/11/2022 10:25

Husband should have been watching, it's his fault. You could say don't leave any number of appliances out because they could be dangerous if a kid plays with them but we don't, because we supervise small children.

samstownsunset · 03/11/2022 10:31

Nope it's your fault, YABU.
My son is the same age, they touch everything so you don't leave dangerous things in reach.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 03/11/2022 10:34

samstownsunset · 03/11/2022 10:31

Nope it's your fault, YABU.
My son is the same age, they touch everything so you don't leave dangerous things in reach.

The OP didn't. She left them in the bathroom. Am assuming she didn't leave the ds in the bathroom. She left the ds with his father. The dh then took the ds in to the bathroom.

So quick to announce to the OP it is ALL her fault. When she wasn't even in the house!

samstownsunset · 03/11/2022 10:48

@TheGoodEnoughWife

My child is the same age. If I left them out and he burnt himself it would be 100% my fault.
This isn't a private room it's a family bathroom which you expect others to use. Sounds like it happened in the morning when everyone is trying to get ready.

You don't leave dangerous things lying around when you have toddlers and expect someone else to notice that they're there.

'Oh I left those big scissors on the table but not my problem because I wasn't home'.
Rubbish.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 03/11/2022 10:55

Again yes it is a shared room. Shared. So someone that has been in there before him may have left things that are not safe as they didn't have a child with them. Hence you have a look around to see if it is safe if you are going to take the decision to leave your Ds in there while having a shower.

He shouldn't have to clear up after the op I agree and moaning about that would be fine but blaming her when he was in charge of the child is not okay.
And again he is lucky he wasn't sharing his shower with an electrical appliance!

CristinaNov182 · 03/11/2022 11:07

TheGoodEnoughWife · 03/11/2022 10:55

Again yes it is a shared room. Shared. So someone that has been in there before him may have left things that are not safe as they didn't have a child with them. Hence you have a look around to see if it is safe if you are going to take the decision to leave your Ds in there while having a shower.

He shouldn't have to clear up after the op I agree and moaning about that would be fine but blaming her when he was in charge of the child is not okay.
And again he is lucky he wasn't sharing his shower with an electrical appliance!

Do you have any children? Or do your children wear a leash and they are not allowed to go 1m away from you? How much do you restrict their movements?

children might pop in in a room to pick up a toy or go to toilet by themselves to have a wee. My DD at 4 years old wants to go to the loo by herself.

my house is always safe so why wouldn’t she be allowed? If she falls and scraps her knee, it’s not a big deal. It would be impossible to grow up without a scraped knee or two.

do you hover over them like in a bad cartoon? it’s laughable at this point. This was not a baby that needs to be watched like a hawk even if the house is 100% safe.

CristinaNov182 · 03/11/2022 11:11

I can’t imagine a parent having to “ have a look around to see if it is safe” every time the child’s wants to go a room or the toilet or the kitchen.

“dear, let me check first” and then carefully hovering above the child just in case another responsible adult has left some hazards around, as one does

this or worse could have happened even if he wasn’t in the shower.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 03/11/2022 11:13

I have three children and two step children and was a childminder for 15yrs.

My children got to adulthood just fine with no leashes required.

I have a different opinion to you. A different way of doing things. But all worked out good for me, thank you.

I really do not like strangers on the internet moaning on to the OP that it was ALL her fault when she was out of the house and she left a fully functioning adult in charge of their child.

NorthStarRising · 03/11/2022 11:15

Your fault.
You left an unsecured hazard in a place your children could access (do you have a catch on the outside of the bathroom? We did) and you didn’t warn the other adult in the house.
Your responsibility, and your weasely attitude is unfair. Your child got hurt and you aren’t facing up to your negligence.

OneTC · 03/11/2022 11:17

Nobodies fault. Shit happens. Both of you be more careful in future

CristinaNov182 · 03/11/2022 11:27

TheGoodEnoughWife · 03/11/2022 11:13

I have three children and two step children and was a childminder for 15yrs.

My children got to adulthood just fine with no leashes required.

I have a different opinion to you. A different way of doing things. But all worked out good for me, thank you.

I really do not like strangers on the internet moaning on to the OP that it was ALL her fault when she was out of the house and she left a fully functioning adult in charge of their child.

If my husband left a knife lying within reach in the kitchen, I could be picking up shoes to get going while the child runs to the kitchen, without any warning, like they do, and picks up the knife she sees there.

how would that be my fault? Am I expected to go around after my husband and put away the hazards he might have left around somewhere? And then be blamed for it! It’s ridiculous

I would go around if I had one of my stroppy nephews around and check after them, but it’s totally ridiculous to think I need to full proof every room in the house after my husband when he leaves

pinkpotatoez · 03/11/2022 11:53

At first I thought u meant they were left on all night, in that case entirely your fault. If they were plugged in but turned off, still bad but your husband is more to blame as he had left him long enough to turn on the straighteners and let them heat up.

SheepDance · 03/11/2022 12:00

It was an accident and neither person holds more blame.
Move on from it, and keep them unplugged form now on.

nocoolnamesleft · 03/11/2022 23:09

Think about it this way. How would you feel if your husband had left a power tool plugged in and lying around within your child's reach, you hadn't realised, and your child had grabbed it and injured himself whilst your back was turned. Would you really be taking all the blame? Or would you be cursing him for being such a dangerous idiot? A lot more children need treatment for hair straightener injuries than for power tool injuries...

ItSeesMe · 04/11/2022 00:54

You left them in a dangerous spot. I'm not sure it is reasonable to expect your DH to check every room to make sure you haven't left anything dangerous around. Nobody can live like that, always double checking that the other parent hasn't done anything daft. You wouldn't leave a knife lying around and then blame the parent who didn't see it in time.

BertaHoon · 04/11/2022 01:14

Your straighteners, your responsibility.

Conkersareback · 04/11/2022 08:57

ItSeesMe · 04/11/2022 00:54

You left them in a dangerous spot. I'm not sure it is reasonable to expect your DH to check every room to make sure you haven't left anything dangerous around. Nobody can live like that, always double checking that the other parent hasn't done anything daft. You wouldn't leave a knife lying around and then blame the parent who didn't see it in time.

Exactly!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page