To feel drained by ILS staying

[Annierosetexas]

We usually have them here twice a year for DH sake. A week each time. I know it’s the right thing to do but I really don’t enjoy a moment of it and dread it beforehand, I find it so draining. Reasons include -

CONSTANT talk of politics - they have strong views. FIL reads his newspaper - this comes above everything else and he will read bits aloud to MIL so they can both rant enragedly at various stories. They bring their politics into everything. I could point at a man walking his dog out the window and they would make a political point. It is exhausting and must be doubly so for them.

They are so messy. Came home from work yesterday to newspapers everywhere, dirty mugs, disgusting sink. I cannot bear to look into our bedroom where they are sleeping as the one time I did it was horrible - wet towels, papers and clothes and dirty mugs on every surface, grim.

They ignore our DCs mainly but never shut up about how amazing their other DGCs are.

MIL never ever stops talking. We are on pull out couch in spare room and it’s my only escape. She gets up at 7 and is there talking at me till 10 at night.

They are really quite boring and tell the same stories over and over again.

As DH says they may not be around much longer so we have to do it but this time has really felt like an ordeal. They leave tomorrow.

Anyone else find hosting ILs an endurance test?

That sounds awful. Can you go out for a few hours? How old are they?

Late 70s/early 80s. I’ve been trying to go out every day for a break. Thanks - glad it’s not just me being a horrible DIL!

Book a Premier Inn for yourself whenever they come to stay. If their visits are so important to DH, he can run after them. And tag a few days onto the end of your stay to give him time to deep clean the bedroom.

Endurance test is exactly how I'd describe it 🤣 you do sound like you've got it rough.

Although a couple of times per year and for the sake of DH and peace I'd suck it up.

It'll make him happy, their foibles won't change now by the sounds of it and it's not forever.
How long do they stay for? I'd be finding ways to fill my and the kids time for portions of it to get us out of the house for an hour or so!

Just suck it up it's only a week but I would make your oh take you out somewhere nice after they have gone to make up for it

Oh don’t be some silly, do you know how hurtful this would be to DH ? Sometimes marriage is just putting up with his family’s.

YANBU to be annoyed but why is your DH letting it get to this stage?

If it’s his family he should be the one tidying up after them.

My dad is similar in terms of mess and I’d never expect DH to be put out when he stays over. He is the same with his family and takes on the bulk of the hosting when they come to stay.

As if any normal person would do this

@PortiasBiscuit. So OP's DH and IL's can take the piss and upset her in her own home, but she's to just suck it up because they're married. Fuck that.

What a dreadful way to treat her husband that would be.

She's not 'upset' though is she. They aren't being horrible to her and her feelings aren't hurt. She just finds them bad company. She hasn't said they're nasty. So yes, going to a hotel would a horrible overreaction and a terrible way to treat her DH.

How often do your parents stay @Annierosetexas ? I think for your DH sake, and in light of it only being a year, I'd just grin and vear it...

We've all got our limits and mine would have been reached before now. OP doesn't say she's upset, but after rereading her initial post, it sounds like far more issues than just finding them bad company.

Could they come for less time?

Also, why can’t they sleep on the pull out? Then at least you’re away in your room. Pulls out don’t have to be uncomfortable.

Yes make guests sleep on the pull out

How any of you still have friends is beyond me, such a gap in basic hosting etiquette

There's guest etiquette too.

Who would put people in their 80s on a pull out?

I have this. I also have to spend my summer holiday with them at their house too. Oh, and alternative Christmases. What fun.

This sounds absolutely awful and they sound revolting

I take it they live a very long way away?

You need to speak to your DH, they need a B&B next time

The reason they talk about the same crap over and over is because they don't experience anything new

DH says they may not be around much longer so we have to do it
You really don’t, not for a whole week twice a year. That’s a lot. Can it be cut down to one?
Do they actually enjoy these visits or is it just something DH thinks he has to do?
Can you escape somewhere else in the house while FIL rants at the newspaper?

A whole WEEK????
OMG.. Nope. Couldn't have done it. NOT.AT.ALL.
A day was long enough for me, & late DH.

I'm the same when my FIL comes to stay. Same stories every time about he was slighted at work 20 years ago. Constantly mardy and never says thanks or anything nice at all really. If my DH so much as brings me a glass of wine then he's 'well trained'
I have a few tactics to help me get through

• wine
• long baths
• meals that take a long time - like Risotto, where I can hide in the kitchen
• trips out - a historic site last time
• shorter visits - 3 nights maximum

Just out of interest: did your husband move far from his family so you could live near your family, OP? If so, do you expect him to engage regularly with them? That’s the situation I find myself in - my parents are lovely and try really hard when they visit but even if they didn’t, I would see that as a trade off my DH has to make to live where he wants to live.

I think the hotel bit is silly and will just cause a lot of unnecessary drama and be incredibly hurtful to DH. However, this is obviously too much. I would get a topper so the bed is more comfortable. Lack of sleep will definitely not help the situation.

A week is too long. I think you need to be incredibly busy and only be able to manage 3 or 4 nights which is quite enough. In that time you can demonstrate the busyness by having things to do with your children so you are not stuck getting talked at all day.

I also think the wine, cooking dinners that keep you in the kitchen and baths are good ideas. Seek to buffer yourself. These people could live another 20 years. Too long to be just putting up with this.

Can you swap to an IKEA hemnes daybed with 2 x 80cm or 2 x 90cm mattresses that you close up when they’re not there. Bit more tricky to pull out but at least it would solve them taking over your room, which I imagine is much nicer and you could hide more in, go for a rest / nap etc.