To feel drained by ILS staying

[Annierosetexas]

We usually have them here twice a year for DH sake. A week each time. I know it’s the right thing to do but I really don’t enjoy a moment of it and dread it beforehand, I find it so draining. Reasons include -

CONSTANT talk of politics - they have strong views. FIL reads his newspaper - this comes above everything else and he will read bits aloud to MIL so they can both rant enragedly at various stories. They bring their politics into everything. I could point at a man walking his dog out the window and they would make a political point. It is exhausting and must be doubly so for them.

They are so messy. Came home from work yesterday to newspapers everywhere, dirty mugs, disgusting sink. I cannot bear to look into our bedroom where they are sleeping as the one time I did it was horrible - wet towels, papers and clothes and dirty mugs on every surface, grim.

They ignore our DCs mainly but never shut up about how amazing their other DGCs are.

MIL never ever stops talking. We are on pull out couch in spare room and it’s my only escape. She gets up at 7 and is there talking at me till 10 at night.

They are really quite boring and tell the same stories over and over again.

As DH says they may not be around much longer so we have to do it but this time has really felt like an ordeal. They leave tomorrow.

Anyone else find hosting ILs an endurance test?

A week is far too long.

14 days out of 365 and you obviously aren't with them 24/7 if you are at work. That really should be manageable especially as its only 7 days at a time.

Your FIL sounds a bit like my dad who is in hospital at the moment. Very grumpy when I spoke to him today. Doesn’t want to talk to people…. “Because nothing to talk about than the awful Home Secretary.” Hmm, it’s a non stop political rant!

You need to cut this back to 1 week (or even better, one long weekend) a year.

Or do your family visit too?

How far away do they live? Could you switch so you visit them instead?

Not another in-laws one.....

Gosh what stupid advice. This would be so utterly rude and not to mention upsetting to dh. And oh yes, let op leave her kids for a week 🙄.
Yanbu op, luckily the week is almost over.

@Obki assuming you have children living in the same country would you be happy seeing them once a year for a couple of days?

Sympathies. I am only occasionally glad that we live in a tiny flat. This is one of the reasons. I don't like having people to stay, and we literally cannot have anyone to stay!!

Is your DH pulling his weight in terms of preparing, clearing up etc?

Can you cut it back to say, three days, twice a year? A week is a lot.

Do you ever go to stay with them? Would it be practical for DH to go and take the DC (if you have young DC)?

I would find that hard too, but if they aren't actually nasty (just bad company) I'd suck it up to make DH happy. I would plan some time alone though periodically, not sure if you're working or not but some "oops I have a meeting/meetup/haircut/whatever" a fre times during the week to get a break is not unreasonable!

How rude ignoring their gc !! Shocking

They sound awful and I would hate my home being taken over in this way so you have my sympathy! Is there any way there could come for shorter trips? A week at a time is long to stay with anyone I find. Or next time could you take the DCs away for a few days and leave DH to it?

MIL never ever stops talking. We are on pull out couch in spare room and it’s my only escape. She gets up at 7 and is there talking at me till 10 at night
I once ended up sitting on the floor of our ensuite in tears, with ear plugs in, because I was so badly burned out by MIL's incessant talking and just needed 30 minutes of FUCKING PEACE! She has a booming voice and I could still hear her through the floorboards. And the talking is always her showing off about wealthy family members or sharing political views - so tiring.

Why is it a week. I hated going to ILs and they hated coming here. At least when we went there it was a short visit. A week is ages.
FIL just used to say ‘I’m on my holidays’ every 5 minutes as excuse to sit about and drink. MIL would be bored and moaned and refused to go anywhere but also complained about not going anywhere. Compared my children to other grandchildren whilst also ignoring mine and asking when she was going to bed all the time.
Yhe worst of it was DH talking about how brilliant it was and how helpful they were (they did NOTHING). They’ve both passed away and he still talks about it like that.

Yes but he is right, I think “activities” help, like going for walks, card games and to supermarket! Mainly to avoid the same wearing conversations. You won’t be doing this for ever.

This is more my experience with parents than in laws btw. We are living so close to ILS there is no need to stay over, which is so much nicer and easier. This would be drastic solution though!

Oh OP, I feel for you. This would drive me bananas. All the 'its only a week' crew make me laugh. A week is A BLOODY LONG TIME with people like your ILs around.

Do any of you actually enjoy these visits, or does your DH keep it going out of obligation and duty?

I have never hosted MIL and I don't ever plan to. YANBU.

Can you not say to DH that you really can't do anymore visits and that they should really stay elsewhere when they come? Because it's you dealing with them and they sound obnoxious. And totally disrespectful of your space, I'd hit the roof of anyone had my bedroom in that state.

I don't think one week twice a year is too much, I hope your children's partners never grudge you a visit.

I’m assuming your DH is on annual leave the whole time they are there? That would be my basic - he has to be around to look after them as a minimum.

Can you make a more comfortable bed in your spare room? Or ideally a proper bed that means it can be used for guests including your ILs. Then you’ll be able to stay in your own room and won’t have that annoyance. Whichever room you’re sleeping in make sure there’s a lock on the door so you can go for privacy when you need to.

Can you not tell them “I’ve heard that story already” or “we’ve agree not to discuss religion or politics this time , as it just gets everyone upset, ha ha”. No reason why they should rule the airwaves.

Your DH should also clean up after them as they go along.

Tell your DH he has to reduce it down to 3 nights max, I would kill any houseguests after that, even my best mate!

Are you a SAHM? I'd be doing big days out-we're off to National Trust property, stop for tea, lunch somewhere, lots of time out of the house. Then big yawn, I'm going to make the bed up now, so they have to go upstairs.

This reminds me of that old saying "After 3 days guests are like fish ,they tend to smell" Honestly who would leave their hosts house in such a mess? I would say 3/4 days odd weekend absolute max! Can you visit them at all and maybe stay at a premier Inn or something.Maybe DH can clean your room as hes so keen for them to stay? 70/80 could be around 10 or so years!

I lived with my in laws for several months when we were made homeless. It was AWFUL. I had a baby and a toddler and my MIL did zero helping out I had my toddler in play school 3x a week for 2 hours. My baby napped during these hours. It was the only downtime I had the whole week and my MIL would come into my bedroom EVERY TIME to chat/ tell me what I could do with the kids. I had to put a chair behind the door and pretend to be asleep to escape her “advice” (criticism) in my only free time. It absolutely enraged me. I think I was traumatised for about a year afterwards. Things are ok now, but I could never spend a week with them! You have all my sympathy! Chair against the door and hide!

I would put money on them also ignoring other DGCs when they’re staying with them and banging on about your children!

That's a bit ungrateful of you. Perhaps they didn't want you there but did the decent thing.

It's very trying, but like others I do it now and then for DPs sake. I don't stay in and listen to it all, but invent things to escape for during the day. Doctor, dentist, meeting a friend from back home, that kind of thing. And I GO...

The very first thing I would do is replace the sofa bed with a proper bed in the spare room. There is absolutely no way I would give up MY room for visitors if there is an alternative. That way you can ignore their mess and relax in your own space. Do it asap.