Would you find this annoying? Dinner invitation

[StopMakingAppointments]

Me, DH and our two DC (3 and 1) live about an hour from MIL. We visit about once a month as it's hard for us with work and juggling the kids etc.

We have an open invitation for MIL to come to us and I will message every couple of weeks asking when she is free and usually she says she will get back to me but doesn't. She was saying to DH she hadn't seen the DC of late so I messaged her asking when she was free to come and visit (we did visit her two weeks ago). She replied:

"I can come next Saturday for your lasagne?"

I explained we are at a birthday party that day but could do any evening (I mean after 4pm so she would still see the kids) and she said she doesn't have any free. She doesn't have a job by the way.

I thought it was a bit much to specify one day she can come between now and the end of the month and to also specify what she wants me to cook which I thought was cheeky. However I do find quite a few things a bit annoying and maybe I'm being a bit harsh.

You're being harsh. She asked, and you said 'no it doesn't work' then she dropped it. So???
You're family and close enough to have an open invite, she obviously loves your lasagne.

so she doesn’t have any work or caring commitments?

I think I’d just leave it in the air then, let her know when you are available and she can find herself a slot if she wants to.

YANBU at all

She is incredibly cheeky to specify she wants your lasagne! No one does that!

As you’re not free, then she just won’t be able to come unless she can make another time.

You asked when she was free and she told you.

it’s nice that she likes your lasagne - take it as a compliment.

She was complementing your lasagna 😅

Maybe she is just busy?

No work or caring commitments but she has a busy social life. Just find it a bit annoying she complains about not seeing us much but doesn't make much of an effort.

And the lasagne thing did wind me up but maybe that's just me!

So is she coming to see the kids or to eat your lasagne?

I would take the mention of your lasagne as a sincere compliment, personally.

My question is really why you seem to be managing visits/issuing invitations and reminders to your MIL, when she's saying to your DH that she hasn't seen the children lately -- why isn't he issuing invitations, reminders etc, given that they're clearly in touch?

Why don't you bring her a lasagne on your next visit?
Yes she was complimenting you.

I love it when guests request something they love that I've made!!
Big compliment and you know it won't be wasted.

I wouldn't be best pleased either. It's like her bothering to accept your invitation is dependent on you providing a certain dish. You are not running a restaurant and people shouldn't expect to pre-book their meal.

Whats in your lasagne? 😀

You’re likely best holding off on giving any offers and waiting until she comes to you.

It's one of those things that gets lost when yiu do it my text and is taken the wrong way because it's a MIL

Surely what she's really saying is she loves your lasagne. She probably wants to come at a weekend so it's not all about tea, bath and bed. Or maybe she didn't understand that you mean afternoon, when you said evening?

It’s a compliment OP.
You’re being harsh.
If she can’t make it any other time then you don’t have to make lasagne anyway hahahah

My parents often asked me to cook a favourite meal ("Will you do your fish pie? , for example) if they were coming over to eat - I found it flattering!

I love the idea that just because someone isn't working that they might not be busy!

And yes, she was paying you a compliment

The lasagne thing wouldn't bother me. It's a compliment. My MIL would quite happily invite herself round for my roast pork dinner, I know she enjoys my cooking and I would never think it was cheeky.

If it's annoying you then just leave DH to organise a date and let you know when to expect her.

Well, she isn't going to be anywhere near as busy as someone who is a working parent.

Unless her MIL has caring responsibilities (which are not mentioned here) then anything she does to be busy is through her own choice.

If she wants to see the grandkids that much she’ll make time. I would try not to dwell on these interactions, sounds like she doesn’t like to feel lonely or like she’s missing out so she keeps a full diary - and on the occasion she isn’t busy she will feel lonely and message you or DH about missing the grandkids - but by the time you’ve got to planning a visit she’s busy again and over it.

I'm very busy through choice, that doesn't mean I can be free when you think I should though. Mid week evenings are difficult for me, unless you think I should cancel on brownies, drop out of coaching a running group or cancel long made plans with a friend?

In fact, as a single middle aged woman without caring responsibilities, I often find myself lonely at weekends when everyone else is busy with family, but have plenty of invitations and commitments midweek.

The lasagna thing is a weird compliment. She didn't say it right.

But get your dh to communicate re visits. Leave you out of it

You can't win as a MIL 😆 Keep yourself busy so family don't feel obliged to entertain you, you're not making time for them, but if you want to see them too often.....

YABU. You asked her for a date she could come and she gave you one. What is wrong with that?

you say she has a busy social life, well why does that not count as a commitment? She may well have committed to other people for things, paid for activities etc.

she asked that when she comes, to have your lasagna - and you complain? Can you not see that is a compliment to your lasagna?

YABU

just get out your diary and give her a selection of dates. It is then up to her to choose a date.

She likes your lasagne , it’s a compliment!

The lasagne comment is a compliment!
She's busy this month.
You're reading too much into it. Just message back and ask her when she can come for lasagne.