Would you find this annoying? Dinner invitation

[StopMakingAppointments]

Me, DH and our two DC (3 and 1) live about an hour from MIL. We visit about once a month as it's hard for us with work and juggling the kids etc.

We have an open invitation for MIL to come to us and I will message every couple of weeks asking when she is free and usually she says she will get back to me but doesn't. She was saying to DH she hadn't seen the DC of late so I messaged her asking when she was free to come and visit (we did visit her two weeks ago). She replied:

"I can come next Saturday for your lasagne?"

I explained we are at a birthday party that day but could do any evening (I mean after 4pm so she would still see the kids) and she said she doesn't have any free. She doesn't have a job by the way.

I thought it was a bit much to specify one day she can come between now and the end of the month and to also specify what she wants me to cook which I thought was cheeky. However I do find quite a few things a bit annoying and maybe I'm being a bit harsh.

You are offended because she likes your lasagna and is comfortable enough with you tell you?

I wouldn't worry about the lasagne comment, get DH to cook, or a big Aldi one or a takeaway if it's too much. I wouldn't make a lot of effort to fit her in, just tell her some more dates we can do and leave it with her - and delegate all of this to DH as it's his mum.

I have several relations that if invited here ask for my lasagna.I take it as a compliment.

You've said she can come anytime and it's an open invitation.

You've asked her to tell you when can she come and she has.

Now you are cross at her for answering your question?

And she complemented your lasagne.

YABU

I now really fancy lasagne for lunch.

I don't really get the issue. She doesn't seem to be annoyed. Are you annoyed? Nothing seems to have actually happened...? You asked when she was free, she told you, you told her you couldn't do that day and everyone moved on. 🙃

The lasagne thing is probably a tongue in cheek comment because she thinks you're close and loves your lasagne. I'm sure she wasn't demanding it.

God I’d love it if someone specified what they wanted me to cook. Lasagne is easy as prepped in advance then oven, table - fab. I like the directness of her.

As a mother to only boys, these sort of threads fill me with dread.

Mmmm lasagne.

I also think she was complimenting your lasagne - she might have phrased it a bit better but I'd say try not to be annoyed, you'll have a happier life that way

Just leave it to your husband to deal with. I bet he’s not running around texting YOUR mother to make sure she gets to visit?

Why?! You simply have to raise your sons to be part of family life and consider you, rather than expecting their wives to facilitate you. Would you expect your sons to contact their future MILs to make sure they feel included?

You asked when she is free, she told you and now you're complaining. If you both have busy lives then better to offer her 2 or 3 dates which work for you rather than you both getting frustrated with each other for not being constantly available.

I would take the lasagne comment as a compliment and it makes things easier if you know what food she likes.

I would take the lasagne comment as a compliment and I would just start suggesting days.

She probably could have phrased it better.

However, YABVU for not posting your lasagne recipe here yet.

It's awfully rude. A compliment is if you make it (not at her request) and she tells you how lovely it is. That's plain rude and I'd be making anything but it!!

That wouldn't bother me at all. My family often request my lasagne when they visit. You asked when she wanted to come and she told you. You can't do that date so you can ask her to let you know the next time she is free. If she is busy surely that is great? You wouldn't want her asking to come round all the time.

The MIL has invited herself for a meal though, which isn't necessarily what OP had in mind. It also puts OP to work to provide that meal too and, as anyone who has made one knows, lasagnes are quite a bit of work. Sure you can make it in advance, but you've still got to do it which, as OP has two small children, she may not have the time or inclination for.

I'd say MIL meant well but has been a bit thoughtless.

It's a compliment.

You're not bound to make it.

She sounds like a diva!

I fucking love lasagne.

(Nothing else to add, sorry!)

Is she Garfield?

Why are you the one arranging to see her? It’s your husband’s mother, he should be the one sorting out the logistics of when you all see her it’s yet another example of women doing the life admin.

No she doesn't, what an odd comment
I'd take it as a compliment too

I get it. I have a MIL like this. Complains that she misses the kids to all that will listen, implying I'm stopping her seeing the kids but when you try and arrange times to meet, she can't do the times cause she's busy.