To not understand the nastiness that being a housewife provokes 2

[Alondra]

Apologies for making a second part to this thread but I feel strongly about this issue.

Topgub

Possibly because there aren't any benefits

Few countries have a government system caring about women and children. The majority of our governments don't care if all have to work for a pittance to pay mortgage, bills and food when children are small because average couples need both wages. A system where nursery fees are stratospheric and eating half an average wage, and worse still, because parents working full time, making an average pay to be able to survive, have few serious tax concessions. Those tax concessions go to multinationals.

It's a system that only cares about productivity attached to $. If you are an engineer with projects worth a million dollars, your salary will be minimum 15% of that money annually. If you are a carer or a parent, there is no quoted money attached to your work, so you are in a low wage or no wage at all.

A woman with two kids working full time for an average salary has not gained much from my mother’s time. Working full time, taking care of the kids when they are home and doing the lion share of housework and rarely free time at all.

With housing costs, bills and health systems collapsing, I really fear for women in the next few years. We will get the short straw as we've always done, but it'll be a plus if, at least, we don't turn on each other.

Lol.

I dont think everyone should be like me. They should do what they like. But I know they all secretly want to be like me.

🤣

Such an insecure thought process.

Never said they want to be exactly like me? I don't think most mothers want to leave their kids to go and further capitalisms agenda. That's not insecure.

Have you looked at the neo Liberal hell hole recently?

He vast majority of people, mothers, fathers fully support capitalism and consumerism

They're not forced into it for the most part.

People trapped in poverty excluded.

You also seem to be extrapolating parents wanting to spend time with new babies to the whole of childhood.

That's simply not the case either.

I dont see people desperate not to send their kids to preschool or school because they can't possibly 'leave' them

Your view just doesn't stack up in the real world.

You are a minority by a long way

And that's fine.

Never said they want to be exactly like me? I don't think most mothers want to leave their kids to go and further capitalisms agenda. That's not insecure.
I thought the thread was about house wives, which is not the same as SAHP for school age children? Also do you think nurses/midwives/teachers are furthering capitalism agenda? What do you think would happen if women in these professions stayed at home for years after having children?

Sorry I meant pre school age children

Such a cynical tainted view of the world. There are people who are married who see off everything that life throws at them without needing to split. They must have a different formula for coupledom. Commitment maybe.
Having a backup plan, that's a seriously negative thought process leading to poor expectations of relationships. If you wish for something bad to happen, it will.

Exactly

There's a number of people who are brainwashed and believe constantly shelling out money into the machine will fill the void in their heart, sure. But that's not a) the majority or b) peoples natural state.

@AMorningstar

Right.

But you, of course, aren't brainwashed?

And what would you say if I suggested women like you were brainwashed by the patriarchy?

I'm working because i like it, i'm good at it, i'd be bored shitless sat home for 32 hours a week while kids are at school.

I'm a sahm*. My youngest isnt at school yet. I'm never sat at home bored. I'm studying for another degree, I do a lot of voluntary work (this week examples include organising a very successful Halloween charity fund raiser in which I did the bulk of the work, committee meetings and helping at our community hub) and I'm learning my grandfather's mother tongue.

It's not a straight choice between work or boredom. There are plenty of ways to develop skills, network and socialise with other adults without receiving money for it. I think that trope is lazy and distracts from the fact that society needs tax payers and ideally educated trained people would contribute, not opt out. There are lots of factors at play, generational cycles being one, childcare costs being another, lack of support for postpartum mental health issues (why I ended up as a sahm), lack of support for families with additional needs and also careers typically coded female having lower salary ceilings. I did a search in the University library a while back and from memory there was very little up to date literature about sahps in general. I'd argue that highlights the issue, it's not seen as enough of an issue to examine therefore we can discuss as much as we like, but support won't appear and cycles won't get broken.

*Although I do technically have a job as well, doing ad hoc hours for the LA in a similar role to my previous one but I don't do enough hours to count it.

I'd say you're full of shit. Weird that you can't conceptualise women can choose different things to you without there having to be manipulation at play.

And I know you're going to try to turn that around and say people can choose to be shallow, empty, consumerist vessels all by themselves too - they can, but corporations don't spend £££ on propaganda, sorry advertising, for nothing.

🤣

@RedAppleGirl It's not cynical at all. There is no problems with commitment in my 20 yr marriage. However my husband could die or be unable to work for an array of reason. Placing all responsibility for earning on one person's shoulders is always going to be precarious.

@AMorningstar my work has nothing to do with capitalism. You speak as though capitalism is the only reason people work. I can assure you it is not.

There are other reasons, yeah. I'm sure some would choose to work regardless. I don't think the majority would.

There are other reasons, yeah. I'm sure some would choose to work regardless. I don't think the majority would.

I agree, sharing the financial burden in the home is a provident idea. But the post I quoted wasn't implying that theme. I found that post to be explicit in showing a cynical view.
Although DP and I have talked about money, we don't work just in case one or the other pops their clogs or becomes ill. And young women sitting driving Audis at work go getting aren't thinking about the end of life either. Some of us, just like me like material things and being independent. However, as a consequence of this, many of us find a conflict of interest once relationships are forged.

Far too many posters pretend they work just in case DP turns out to be a twat, I'm sorry why to bother. It's the same at work, the cynism is usually from unpleasant or jealous people.

OP has learnt a new word. Girlboss. Congratulations OP.

A lot of what you've said is spot on. However you are a sahp. I've been a sahp and know how challenging it can be. Being a sahp is not comparable with being a housewife, not even slightly.

I wish they'd just own it.

"I work because I like the lifestyle and money associated with it" okay. Not for me but I respect the honesty vs "I work just in case my husband turns out to be a cheating abusive arsehole and yours will too!"

The latter is a weird stance to take.

@RedAppleGirl which posters are pretending to work in case their ohs are a that?

@AMorningstar

Why does anyone have to justify anything to you?

You've repeatedly spat the dummy any time you've been asked to justify your lifestyle choices

The hypocrisy is strong.

Never said anyone has to I just find it weird and funny when they say stupid stuff like that.

@AMorningstar

But you don't find ot weird or funny that you keep saying stuff then denying it?

Or that you're a massive hypocrite?

Fair enough

Not denied anything, you're just incapable of reading things in context.

The problem Morningstar, is that you have an extremely outdated view on women and the woman's place in the home, to the point it is offensive. It really isn't 1920/30/40 anymore, where women existed only to breed and rub their husband's feet (among other things).

Your views on casual sex are closely aligned with your backward and outdated views. It's 2022, women and men can do what they want with their bodies. Who on earth are you to tell people how you disagree with casual sex etc etc. Are you saying that in order to have a sexual relationship a woman must marry a man? It's such a warped view and women for generations have fought so hard to get away from that mindset and have a sense of worth in life other than the babymaker.

I suppose you are content with living 80/90 years in the past but you really are the minority. Women have self respect these days and independence. They don't prance around in their pinnies with their feather duster and relaxing on the chaise lounge like something out of Jane Eyre.

You need to keep your backwards opinions to yourself because it really is women like you that have delayed the progressiveness of women's right. I couldn't give a shit if you spend your time brushing your hair and plaiting your pubes for your DH. If he finds a weak and vulnerable childlike woman attractive then that is of his choosing, no matter how concerning that may be and how telling it is of his underlying fetishes.

I think it part, it's not your fault, you seem to have no solid female role models as the women in your family appear to be caught in a cycle of breeding machines like some sort of cattle farm. I do hope you don't impose your thoughts and values on your daughter though, and want more for her than you have managed to achieve in your life.

I also understand that you think there's no way on earth your DH will ever want out of the marriage, despite only being a few years in. I think you're in for a rude awakening. People by their nature resent lazy People. You've already admitted your husband works long hours and did all the night feeds for your children so you could be rested. Rested for your day of resting. It's ridiculous and that resentment will build, particularly when the looks start to fade and you have the ambition and drive of a lettuce.

@AMorningstar

How is

I just wish they'd on it, not saying they have to justify it to you?

What context did I not understand?