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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome my pets?

125 replies

StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 14:00

Feeling very upset about this so please be gentle.

I've recently gone through awful, traumatic life changes and have been really suffering with my mental health. Things are so bad I've had to ask my parents if me and DC can stay with them for a few nights because I'm really going through it and can't look after myself properly right now, let alone my loving innocent DC.

One of the main stresses in my house are my cats. I have 3 and they've always leant towards the naughty side, mischievous, just cats in general I guess lol. But what with how I've been lately, they're always cooped up in the conservatory (litter trays and food/water in there with them) because I can't handle them anymore. Everything they do adds stress, one likes to mark his territory over everything (had him checked and he's healthy no medical issues) so almost every morning I wake up to find cat pee on something. They get into my cupboards, rip open bread or cereal boxes, they've ruined several carpets, and they howl if they're left in a room.

They're just very naughty cats, and now they're cooped up practically all day every day because I can't take their behaviour anymore.

I'm fully aware that I made the decision to get pets, and trust me I'm not taking this matter lightly. I adore them as individuals, but I'm not sure if I can give them what they need while I'm in this state, but I also don't think I'd be able to handle the guilt of giving them up, especially (hopefully) once I'm out of this depression pit.

Not to mention my DC love them to bits.

I feel like I'm in an impossible situation.

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 30/10/2022 14:01

That is no life for a cat. Do they go out?

FictionalCharacter · 30/10/2022 14:05

The unreasonable thing would be to keep them. Cooped up in the conservatory is no life for them. They are clearly unhappy but you call them naughty. Rehome them with someone who can give them a better life, for your sake and theirs.

Original poster
StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 14:09

Just to clarify - they have a great life and have been allowed wherever they want in the house, they have everything they need and get affection and play time daily.

It's only been since very recently that I've kept them in the conservatory because of how naughty they are, I can't handle the extra stress.

I love my pets very much and am aware that this situation needs to change for everyone's sake. Im truly heartbroken and don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Jedsnewstar · 30/10/2022 14:11

I think for your child’s sake you need to re home then. I’m sure someone will be on here to tell you that their fur babies are as important as their children but ignore. Your mental health is the most important thing.

RealBecca · 30/10/2022 14:11

I mean this from a good place but who is going to want them? They sound difficult. I think you ought to invest in an animal behaviourist. Possibly speak to a boarding facility to give you a break.

Floralnomad · 30/10/2022 14:13

Rehome them through a reputable rescue .

Original poster
StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 14:18

@RealBecca That's another issue I have is that I genuinely don't know if they would be able to be rehomed because of how naughty they are, I don't know anyone who would take them, and unfortunately I can't afford a behaviourist or to put them in a boarding facility.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 30/10/2022 14:18

If you rehome you shouldn’t replace them with any other pet.

Original poster
StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 14:19

@KangarooKenny I never said I would? If I can't look after the ones I have I'm not going to jump and get another one.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 30/10/2022 14:20

They're not naughty. They're just cats. They'll be easily rehomed. It's the kindest thing for them and you.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 30/10/2022 14:20

StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 14:18

@RealBecca That's another issue I have is that I genuinely don't know if they would be able to be rehomed because of how naughty they are, I don't know anyone who would take them, and unfortunately I can't afford a behaviourist or to put them in a boarding facility.

Do they go out? They're not naughty. They just sound bored/stressed

Regularsizedrudy · 30/10/2022 14:20

What do you mean naughty?

NoSquirrels · 30/10/2022 14:20

How old are they?

Are they all equally ‘naughty’?

You probably do need to rehome at least one of them. Spraying means that’s a territory thing - they’re probably not as happy as you assumed they were.

picklemewalnuts · 30/10/2022 14:21

I'd suggest talking to a rescue organisation about them. Are they a particular breed? They sound unusually demanding.

I mean all cats can be demanding but I've not had cupboard opening ones before. More ones that insist I'm always at hand to open them for them!

MidnightMeltdown · 30/10/2022 14:23

They are not naughty, these behaviours are a sign of boredom and stress. Don't you ever let them outside?!

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 30/10/2022 14:27

MidnightMeltdown · 30/10/2022 14:23

They are not naughty, these behaviours are a sign of boredom and stress. Don't you ever let them outside?!

This.

There was a stupid American TV show called the cat whisperer or something stupid and most of the issues on that would have been solved by just letting the cats outside

megletthesecond · 30/10/2022 14:28

You can't keep cats in a conservatory. They need a garden.

Rehome them. You'll have less pressure and they'll have a nice life.

ANiceCupofTeaandaScone · 30/10/2022 14:30

I’m sorry about your mental health but they sound very unhappy cats. I would consider rehoming them for their sake and yours. My cat was ‘naughty’ when we adopted him aged 15 months. He had been kept inside as an unneutered Tom cat by his elderly owner. The rescue had him neutered when we got him but the testosterone was still leaving his system and he was clearly desperate to go outdoors (we had to wait three weeks as he also hadn’t been vaccinated). He was quite terrifying and destructive (with some lovely cuddles on occasion) while he was settling in. As soon as he was able to go out and burn off all his excess energy and indulge his excellent hunting skills he became the most laid back, cuddly, chatty cat.

Random789 · 30/10/2022 14:39

Hi OP,
Sorry you have been going through a traumatic time and that you are struggling with your mental health. I think you need to focus on taking care of yourself right now, and if that means rehoming your cats through a reputable service then I don't think you should pile any guilt on yourself for that decision. In 'reality documentaries' about animal welfare organisations,, the TSPCA officers,etc, arealways very compassionate towards owners in that situation, who ask for help in order to secure their welfare. Channel that compassion.
One concern, though, is that when someone is very low they are prone to beating themselves up about whatever decision they make, and second-guessing the original feelings that led to the decision. Make sure that you anticipate that possibility and plan how you might avoid, or respond to, regret..

CrystalCoco · 30/10/2022 14:39

Cats aren't really pack animals and any time I hear of people having 2, 3 or more cats in the home = unhappy 'naughty' cats of some description.

They're expressing their displeasure at their environment which then makes them seem naughty, when it's not really the case.

Cats are very intelligent and can be trained not to do 'naughty' things, but the idea of having 2 or more in the same space is just a no-no, they're very independent and will quite happily bully each other for dominance.

Re-homing at least one would likely make a difference to the levels of 'naughtiness' and take some of the stress off you, whilst still allowing your DC to have a pet or two.

A solution needs to be found fast though, the longer they're cooped up together in the conservatory the more stressed and unhappy they're going to be.

Random789 · 30/10/2022 14:40

Shit. Didn't mean to strike out 'through a reputable service'! I was just trying to put it in dashes!

Tomanycarrots · 30/10/2022 14:41

Yes rehome them poor cats

Theydoyaknow · 30/10/2022 14:41

Look, you have come to the conclusion that you can no longer look after them. They do not have a good quality of life being cooped up like that. You recognise this and are making the right decision by rehoming them. Mental health issues with kids are hard enough without piling guilt on yourself. Do what is best you, your children, your home and your cats.

Ludo19 · 30/10/2022 14:44

Their behaviour is due to their environment. Rehome asap for their sake.

Mabelface · 30/10/2022 14:47

You're doing this because you love them and know that their needs aren't being met. That makes you a responsible cat owner. His luck on finding them new homes.