To rehome my pets?

[StrugglingStraw]

Feeling very upset about this so please be gentle.

I've recently gone through awful, traumatic life changes and have been really suffering with my mental health. Things are so bad I've had to ask my parents if me and DC can stay with them for a few nights because I'm really going through it and can't look after myself properly right now, let alone my loving innocent DC.

One of the main stresses in my house are my cats. I have 3 and they've always leant towards the naughty side, mischievous, just cats in general I guess lol. But what with how I've been lately, they're always cooped up in the conservatory (litter trays and food/water in there with them) because I can't handle them anymore. Everything they do adds stress, one likes to mark his territory over everything (had him checked and he's healthy no medical issues) so almost every morning I wake up to find cat pee on something. They get into my cupboards, rip open bread or cereal boxes, they've ruined several carpets, and they howl if they're left in a room.

They're just very naughty cats, and now they're cooped up practically all day every day because I can't take their behaviour anymore.

I'm fully aware that I made the decision to get pets, and trust me I'm not taking this matter lightly. I adore them as individuals, but I'm not sure if I can give them what they need while I'm in this state, but I also don't think I'd be able to handle the guilt of giving them up, especially (hopefully) once I'm out of this depression pit.

Not to mention my DC love them to bits.

I feel like I'm in an impossible situation.

Good grief they’re not ‘naughty’ they’re probably anxious and stressed. Look into rehoming them to a home that can meet their needs. You’re not being fair to those poor cats.

It sounds like you aren't able to provide the care they need right now and that rehoming is the best option.

Personally I wouldn't talk to the dc about it, you run the risk of them feeling like they are responsible for the decision, and they aren't. You decide, and then you let them know. They might be upset, but as the adult you are best placed to make the right choice for your family.

I think the reason that describing the cats as "naughty" has rubbed people up the wrong way, is that it sounds like you are blaming the cats or saying they are bad cats. I suspect the situation isn't really anyone's fault. But animals largely respond to the environment they're in. In a better suited environment they may be less difficult to manage.

I’ve been a vet for a very long time, and I’d be amazed if 3 mostly unneutered cats in the circumstances you describe WEREN’T behaving as you say yours are. Get the others neutered ASAP, your local vet should be able to do this by now, especially if you explain the circumstances, and then as PP have said, think about rehoming one or two of them and keeping one or two. They will be happier and so will you. I think you might find this less guilt inducing and easier for your children then getting rid of them all, and I would expect the behaviour to improve as soon as there are fewer cats. Good luck with it, you’ve done what you could.

In your shoes I would 100% surrender to a rescue and I honestly believe any guilt you feel now will be massively and quickly outweighed by immense relief.

The rescue will find homes (possibly separately which might suit the cats better). The children are young, they'll adapt. Start ringing round rescues tomorrow. You will feel better for making the decision and taking action. Good luck!

Not too sure about your circumstances or the cats if they go out/not go out. If they don't go out, can they have easy access outside? Can you get the garden enclosed?

Or make a cattery box thing (can't think of the name right now minds blank!) I was talking to about it with my DP as I want one for our girl. I described it as like an avery or rabbit hutch but way bigger 🤣🤣

This is a good answer. I hope you are feeling better soon.

What a horrible situation for you OP.
You sound like you may really regret giving them away. I wonder if there's a half way house which would mean someone could foster your cats for a while.so you can recover. I think while your mental health is so poor is a bad it may not be the time .to make.such a decision.

Have you spoken to Blue Cros sor Cats Protection about possibility of some respite care? If they dint do it they may know if the service exists at least.

Do you have a friend or family member who could take them temporarily and then consider rehoming if things don't improve for you?

Or even for them to come over daily and help with care?

I know it's a hard decision but if you can't manage to look after them, you can't and need to prioritize your mental health.

And I believe you about the naughty behaviour, however I call it spirited. One of my girls loves to get into things, she's not destructive on purpose just curious. Except for the holes in the curtains - but I don't really care what she does and just let her go.

I have three cats. One is chilled, just wants the back of the sofa. One is happiest outside and in a bush. The third is high maintenance. Will come in and play up until she gets fed.

The bush dweller can open doors and cupboards. This can be an issue so I have to be mindful.

They don't all like being in the house and especially eating at the same time.

OP there is no shame in making a decision to rehome some or all of the cats. Please don't continue to force them into a confined space together as this will be adding to their behaviour.

In the interim let the neutered cat out and then the second cat that you've got booked in.

Rehome, although all the cat rescues round here are full to bursting atm. Please don't sell them on selling sites. The cats, like yourself and your daughter, deserve a better quality of life. How awful to be shut up in a conservatory, they must be bored and anxious.

All cats scratch furniture, all 5 cats I've had do this despite having cat trees and scratch posts. It's what cats do, it doesn't make them "naughty"

They need neutering and a cat flap

I have been round many rehoming centres and have never seen a cat running up to the glass. The younger ones will come over if you have a toy but the older ones aren’t interested.
I have never seen cats come running up to the glass. I have also adopted 2 10 year old cats in the past who hid under a blanket and took a time to settle as they were missing their person who had unexpectedly died.
What ever you do Mybabylaura don’t ever get a pet.

You have to realise these cats are also missing their routine and their person

I have 5 indoor cats. They do have their fights and squabbles but on the whole they play games with each other. They play hide and seek. One will run off and go behind something then the others will come running in a few minutes later looking for him and when they find him the finder and the hider jump in the air with shock Then they all run off and the game begins again.
2 of them are best friends. They sleep and sit together and you see them together wandering around the house

They used to claw things but then I discovered double sided carpet tape and I have it on doors (we are in rented) They don’t scratch the sofa (although I once had a dog who slowly ripped out old sofa apart). They claw. The carpet. Probably because on my last house there was none and it is a new thing.

They have cat nip toys, indoor grass, plenty of litter trays (a couple of enclosed types), scratching boxes and I get cat nip oil spray which they love from Amazon.
They also get fed 4 times per day. It’s about giving them interest
Most of the time they entertain themselves. (We also keep a selection of empty boxes dotted around the house as they prove to be very useful) In the evening or during the day we give them strokes and cuddles if we are passing by.
I have 4 boy cats and the mother cat (all spayed and neutered which I think helps a lot

No one is expecting you to keep the cats o
if you don’t feel able to look after them but don’t put them to sleep as was suggested. They aren’t naughty they are just lacking stimulation and toys and boxes and probably somewhere they can have individual privacy away from their friends.

If you don’t feel able to keep them then
ask if anyone else in the family wants them.
Or arrange to foster them through a local rehoming centre till a new home can be arranged.

A catio I think they are called

I don't currently suffer with any mental health issues and having three cats in various stages of neutering, spraying and bouncing off the walls in my my conservatory would finish me OFF!

It doesn't matter how you got here, there's a lesson and I'm sure you will learn it.

Right now, for you and your kids, something has to give and it's got to be the cats. Make a call to the local rescue and be honest. Say you are not coping and that you need help. Repeat until you find someone to take them. You don't need permission, you are an adult. And if you feel like you need permission to let them go, here it is.

The cat's aren't naughty, they will be find in the right home where they can stretch their legs and get their energy out stalking mice in the fresh air rather than hunting bread rolls in the kitchen cupboards. A year down the line from now your future self will thank you, let them go.

I've had depression and know how overwhelming pets can seem at the time. I was going to advise you to avoid rehousing, and neuter and let the cats roam.

But I saw your vet is 45 miles away and you don't drive - I'm not sure how tenable having a pet in this situation is full stop. Why is the vet in your village still emergency only?? Mine has been operating normally for ages.

That might the issue to force your hand imo.

I wonder if pet fostering might be an option.

You sound as if you're really struggling at the moment, but that this state might be temporary. Fostering would allow you to work on your mental health and reassess how you feel once this cloud of unhappiness has lifted. From what you've hinted, life has thrown you some shitty luck at the same time, and anyone would struggle to deal with all that, together with your caring responsibilities for your children and your cats. And quite rightly, you're putting the kids first.

Whatever you decide though, please be kinder to yourself - this isn't an idea you've come with up on a whim. You've only started considering rehoming the cats because you're miserable and exhausted.

It's hard to let go of a pet. I have recently surrendered a cat to a shelter just 2 days ago.. she belonged to my neighbour but they couldn't keep her so I took her in but unfortunately she was aggressive to my cat.

I didn't want to re-home her because it was heartbreaking but it's selfish to not give your pet a better life just because of your own feelings. Of course it's hard but if you love them you have to do what's best for them. And in this case, it's what's also best for you.

Accept that you and your DC will go through a bit of grieving if you give them up and you will miss them. But then in a few weeks or months you will feel a lot less stressed and the cats will be in a home better suited to them. The rehoming shelter will ask you questions about them and match them up to the right home. They will go to someone who has time to train them so that their behaviour is better or who can get them neutered and then let them out into a big garden. They will be matched up and ultimately sounds like they will have a better life.

Don't be too hard on yourself, please look after yourself.

I've had several generations of Cats and three is deffo a difficult combination. One of ours rehomed herself a few years ago- she was so stressed by her litter mate- a boisterous boy, that she was pulling her fur out. She moved next door and settled in and is very happy there.

We have three now- an older boy and two younger and the older boy can get really difficult if the youngsters challenge him- random pooing or just general hissiness.

I'd really think about finding a new home for one of them- are they litter mates at all?

Just get them re-homed, don’t overthink it OP.

This was 2 years ago, but I just have to apologise for the people who responded to you and probably made your situation even worse. I would have asked if someone could come in a couples of times a week to spend time playing with them etc? Or someone to feed and do the litter for you until the stress was more manageable. Not every situation needs to have a definite decision. Things change. Our mindset changes when we're mentally unwell. Failing that I would have suggested calling your local RSPCA. Whatever happened I do hope you are okay. You sound like a good person who loves their cats,but was struggling with their care and then the guilt of not being able to be present 100%. You weren't being cruel to them, you were just trying to make the situation feel smaller by keeping them in the conservatory. Obviously that wouldn't be a lifetime choice, but they were not being abused in any way. I hope you found a solution and I hope evrtything feels easier. Take care. X

2 year old thread

It's no wonder they are "naughty" with the way they are having to live, they must be unhappy. If you can't cope with them then it probably is best if you rehome them.

Their behaviour sounds like it’s due to lack of mental stimulation, and the spraying in neutered cats is usually due to stress. They’re not naughty they’re stressed, bored and lacking in enough mental and possibly physical stimulation. I’m assuming they don’t go outdoors? Cats are solitary and territorial by nature, the one spraying might not be so happy to share his space and do better going as an only cat.

It doesn’t sound to me like the cats are happy and being locked in a conservatory is not quality of life. You are struggling and need to relieve some pressure and pets are expensive and time consuming and there is nothing worse than cat pee. It sounds to me like rehoming is probably the best thing for all of you even though its hard.

They are not " naughty" they are being cats. They need stimulation, play, exercise, and opportunities to use their natural instincts. Without them, they will present as being " naughty" I have 3 males, quite rural location, and on a rainy day when they are all in..unable to climb any trees, chase leaves, stalk neighbouring cats, they are a bloody nightmare. So we have to play with them and wear them out or my god we know about it!

If you can't provide that, and are struggling with their natural behaviour to the point where you are cooping them up to inhibit it. Then please, re-home them. No rescue agency will view them as " naughty" and will immediately know what they need.

Good luck.