Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To rehome my pets?

125 replies

StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 14:00

Feeling very upset about this so please be gentle.

I've recently gone through awful, traumatic life changes and have been really suffering with my mental health. Things are so bad I've had to ask my parents if me and DC can stay with them for a few nights because I'm really going through it and can't look after myself properly right now, let alone my loving innocent DC.

One of the main stresses in my house are my cats. I have 3 and they've always leant towards the naughty side, mischievous, just cats in general I guess lol. But what with how I've been lately, they're always cooped up in the conservatory (litter trays and food/water in there with them) because I can't handle them anymore. Everything they do adds stress, one likes to mark his territory over everything (had him checked and he's healthy no medical issues) so almost every morning I wake up to find cat pee on something. They get into my cupboards, rip open bread or cereal boxes, they've ruined several carpets, and they howl if they're left in a room.

They're just very naughty cats, and now they're cooped up practically all day every day because I can't take their behaviour anymore.

I'm fully aware that I made the decision to get pets, and trust me I'm not taking this matter lightly. I adore them as individuals, but I'm not sure if I can give them what they need while I'm in this state, but I also don't think I'd be able to handle the guilt of giving them up, especially (hopefully) once I'm out of this depression pit.

Not to mention my DC love them to bits.

I feel like I'm in an impossible situation.

OP posts:

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 30/10/2022 15:38

MyBabyLaura · 30/10/2022 15:25

I voted YABU. I got as far as the one marking territory and destroying the contents of your home. Nobody wants cats like this OP, nobody. If you don't want them do the right thing and have them PTS. Someone has to, otherwise they'll be rehomed over and over again. Spare them the stress of that. Animal charities are chock full of unwanted pets, they don't get much fuss and attention, they get the basic care. They all come to the door/front/glass hopefully when you go down the aisle, desperate for some love that nobody has time to give them. If nobody adopts them, that's their life until they die. Don't pass them on unless you can do something about their problems that turns them into the kind of pets people actually want. There are no magic homes out there filled with magic people who decide to deliberately get a pet that's annoying, hard work and causes added expense from destroyed items.

Dear me. I hope you don't have cats.

MadKittenWoman · 30/10/2022 15:41

Cats are solitary unless siblings or mother and kitten. They also need to go outside, form a territory and home range and display natural behaviours. Three of them trapped in a conservatory is very stressful for them. Please rehome to reputable cat charity who will take the time to find the right home to suit the personality of the individual cat.

therubbiliser · 30/10/2022 15:44

Why can’t they go outside and come in for food and when they want somewhere comfortable. My neighbour had loads of cars over the years that she rescued before she died. They lived incredibly long 17-19 years and were all indoors and outdoors and she always had multiple some of whom chose never to be in the company of some others.

Jaxhog · 30/10/2022 15:47

Cats are usually naughty because they are bored or unhappy. Either way, they'll be better off somewhere else.

caringcarer · 30/10/2022 15:53

Cats hate being locked up in what is effectively a large cage (conservatory). Cats are not naughty. They can be bored or stressed but never naughty. Cats can't open cupboards did you leave food out lying around on work surfaces. Let them out of conservatory. It is cruel to shut them up there all of the time. They need their own space. They may not like being locked up together. That may be why they are spraying. Are they all neutered? Could you get a cat flap and let them out for a wonder around then co.e back through the flap. My cats come and go as they please but spend most time on cat palace snoozing.

MadeofCheeese · 30/10/2022 15:55

Try feliway plug ins for a week first. It will help with the urinating. I am presuming they are neautered?

mansviewpoint · 30/10/2022 16:02

Being a responsible pet owner involves 2 masive responsibilities

knowing when it is better to euthanise than leave them in pain, or
know when you are unable to provide them with a good home.

At the moment re-homing is completely what is best for the animals and therefore for you. This is the exact reason what animal shelters try to get across in their literature.

ilovesooty · 30/10/2022 16:02

I agree with others that they aren't naughty - they're stressed, bored and understimulated and expressing that as cats do. That must be affecting them and you.

As for cats can't open cupboards - both of mine can ( not child proofed cupboards though I imagine).

CarefreeMe · 30/10/2022 16:03

Do you have any family or friends that would be willing to take them on?

I would worry that you regret this whereas if a family member has them at least your DCs can visit them.

I have a very ‘naughty’ cat.
He is amazing but no one else would be able to cope with him and so I couldn’t get rid of him.
He does make my life much harder than it needs to be but I love his personality and I genuinely believe that he keeps me on my toes and helps my MH.

InsertPunHere · 30/10/2022 16:06

Behaviour isa communication. They are telling you they are stressed and bored, shut up together.

BlodynGwyn · 30/10/2022 16:07

Open the door and let them play outside.

whatwasIgoingtosay · 30/10/2022 16:11

Yes, re-home your cats. Posters who are saying nobody will want naughty cats are wrong - lots of people who live in the country with big houses and gardens can give a good life to cats who will live outdoors most of the time, and just come indoors for food and some warmth and a good snooze. If I were able to have a cat (can't for various reasons) I wouldn't care if it were 'naughty' or not. Don't feel guilty - your circumstances have changed and a good cat charity will be able to find suitable new owners.

Soozikinzii · 30/10/2022 16:22

Cats protection will take them I'm sure . I'm an animal lover and everything but you have to prioritise your DC and get your self organised for them. If the cats are preventing this then they must be rehomed .

CarefreeMe · 30/10/2022 16:26

What you think is ‘naughty’ is probably heightened because if your MH issues.

For now I’d open the conservatory door so they can at least play in the garden and have more space from each other.

I don’t think anyone should feel guilty about getting rid of an animal if it’s to provide them with a better life.

Original poster

StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 16:33

People who seem to think cats can't open cupboard doors have never had a strong willed cat clearly!!

They're not being naughty b

OP posts:

Darbs76 · 30/10/2022 16:35

definitely rehome - it’s not life for them

Original poster

StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 16:39

*because they're in the conservatory, this was well before.

Some context - unfortunately a relative passed away and I'd agreed to take in her cats as no one else could and my beloved cat had passed away about 9 months prior, and I missed him and having a cat around the house. What I didn't realise, was that her cats weren't neutered, and because of the pandemic the one vet in my village stopped doing non emergency treatments. I got them just before lockdown. Since things have been opening up I've registered with another vets which is around 45 miles away (I don't drive) and I had to stay at a hotel overnight to get one of the cats neutered as that's all I could afford at the time, but I have booked another in for next month. So thats the reason they can't leave the house yet.

Probably going to get more hate for that but there we are.

OP posts:

Taillighttoobright · 30/10/2022 16:41

Oh OP, rehome them now. Pay for a taxi if you have to, but rehome them. You will feel so, so much lighter.

Original poster

StrugglingStraw · 30/10/2022 16:45

I'm also incredibly worried and guilt ridden for my children, 8+6, they help feed the cats and adore them to bits. This might be one of those things that they never forgive me for.

OP posts:

Nymeria6 · 30/10/2022 16:48

Not naughty. Bored. Have they been neutered? Try feliwell plug in may help.

My cat is naughty when bored, never would rehome her. Like humans they have they're own personalities. They could be rehomed.

Hope your mental health improves xx

Bryterlayter1 · 30/10/2022 16:49

Op definitely rehome them it will be better for you and them. The current situation is just bad for all involved.

My cat is a rescue, we were told when we rescued him that he was a bit of spirited cat and they were willing to have him back if we couldn't manage. He'd been in the rescue centre for several months. We said we didn't mind a bit of a spicy cat and he's been with us for the past 6 years. Now, he is a bit of a git, you'd probably call him naughty (he's a biter if he doesn't get want he wants when he wants it) and he's a brawler and gets in fights with the neighbourhood cats. We've had cat behaviourist support to help calm him down. He may be a git but he's my git and his personality is entertaining. My point is there will be rescuers who take on cats who are labled as difficult or naughty so do not assume they won't be able to be rehomed.

CarefreeMe · 30/10/2022 16:54

From your update it doesn’t sound like you’re just struggling with them at the moment due to your own issues.

It sounds as though you took them on as a favour but have struggled with them since day 1.

I would absolutely rehome them in these circumstances.
Yes your DCs will probably be upset but you can think of something that will lessen the pain.

I would do this asap and concentrate on just you and your DCs.
The cats will have a much better life with someone who has the time to take care of them.

Just like dogs, some cats are harder work than others and it sounds like these need an owner who has more time for them.

Please don’t feel guilty for doing what’s best for the cats.

MadameMinimes · 30/10/2022 16:57

I think rehoming is sensible in this situation. You have two unneutered cats and one that was neutered late shut in one conservatory. Even before, they were shut in the house and sound like they were bored and under-stimulated. You’re not well and are clearly struggling so you don’t need to feel bad about it.

I disagree with what others have said about there being difficulty rehoming them. Rescues find homes for all sorts of cats and a lot of their behaviours will be down to being unneutered and cooped up. These aren’t “naughty” cats, they are likely to be just fine in a different environment.

If you don’t want to re home them then there are things you can do. Once they are all neutered you can let them outside to get out their energy. You also need to look at the litter tray situation for the peeing. With three indoor cats you should have at least 4 litter trays. How many have you got currently? Are they spread out around the house and away from food and water bowls? Have you used one of the biological cleaners on the areas they have peed on? You might also want to think about rehoming two of them as a pair and keeping just the third one. That might be more manageable and help with territorial marking.

Summersdreaming · 30/10/2022 16:58

Can you let the neutered ones out?? At least they can have a break from eachother. At least until you can rehome them.

Is there really no vet within 45 miles of your house?? Crazy to have any pet when you don't drive and no way to access a vet.

Anoooshka · 30/10/2022 17:04

Keep the neutered/spayed cat and rehome the others. Then let the neutered cat outside.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5