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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DS off school to extend our time away?

151 replies

takabo9962 · 29/10/2022 19:49

I'm aware I'm probably BU.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year, he lives 1hr45min/2hrs away in a different city so we only see each other a weekend a month now, he was coming down here during the summer as he's in uni, and me and DS(8) was also going to see him. DS hates school, regularly cries to the point he's sick and it seems like he's scared of going because as soon as I mention school he shouts no and most the time he refuses to go in.

This week was half term so me and DS came to stay with boyfriend we're due to go home tomorrow and I told DS and that he's got school Monday, which then led to him crying, screaming and shouting no. Boyfriend suggested us stay for another week as he probably won't go to school anyway and it'll just cause him a lot of stress.

WIBU?

OP posts:
MarigoldPetals · 29/10/2022 20:08

Were you someone complaining about the loss of education when the government shut schools in lockdown? Do you feel your child needs to catch up following lockdown?
If so then YABU.
If not then go ahead but don’t expect the teacher to give up her free time to catch up what your child will miss during the time off.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 29/10/2022 20:09

Your bf did not get to uni by skipping school all the time, I would see if he can have a chat with him.

Skelligsfeathers · 29/10/2022 20:09

He's only been in school two days all term?

passport123 · 29/10/2022 20:09

You would be an unbelievably crap parent to do this.

lunar1 · 29/10/2022 20:16

Go home, keep working with the school or look at different options. Staying with your boyfriend for a week while nothing is being done to help your DS or get him into any of his education is an awful idea.

What on earth would you say to school?

clary · 29/10/2022 20:16

Are we reading that right - he has only been in school two days in the whole half term (so, 6-7 weeks)?

Has this just been so bad this year or was he refusing school to this extent in previous years? I cannot believe that the EWO has not got involved. OP you really need to go home to try to sort this out. What has been done about it?

FlakeySalt · 29/10/2022 20:16

2 days?!

Maybe having a boyfriend isn’t the best use of your time right now?

Headabovetheparakeet · 29/10/2022 20:20

So your 8 year old has only been to school twice in two months and you open your post by telling us how often you see your boyfriend.

I think you need to straighten out your priorities.

BCBird · 29/10/2022 20:21

Ho home. Get in touch with the echo and ask for support. I am a teacher and cannot understand how school cannot he supportive. Do they know the full extent of your son's reaction? They will want him to be in school. Good luck

Original poster
takabo9962 · 29/10/2022 20:26

I don't work and he doesn't see his dad. Yes, 2 days. He just won't go, gets very worked up and is aggressive if I try and force him. As I said school aren't supportive at all and have just said he needs to be in, which I know but if he won't go then I can't. He was refusing school previously but he would go and was happy at pick up, the TA left at easter and since then the refusal has got worse, I did manage to get him in after which was a struggle and whenever I picked him up he wasn't happy and was very pale. Then by the end of the school year boyfriend was carrying him in because he just wouldn't go I don't drive which also makes it a more of a struggle when its just me as even if I can get him dressed, he refuses to walk or he just runs off.

OP posts:
DeliberatelyObtuse · 29/10/2022 20:30

Presumably the school attendance officer is involved?

You need to go home and work on getting your child to school

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 29/10/2022 20:32

I think you need to go home and focus on your child and getting him to school rather than staying off to spend more time with your boyfriend.

LIZS · 29/10/2022 20:32

You need to be more proactive - see Gp to rule out medical issues, ask for referral to camhs, ask school for access to curriculum. What does he do when not at school? Are you working with him?

Shoes232 · 29/10/2022 20:33

2 days? In 7 weeks?! Sounds like you just can't be bothered. You need to work with the school and not just let him, he's 8 he doesn't have a choice he needs to be in school.

BattenburgDonkey · 29/10/2022 20:33

takabo9962 · 29/10/2022 20:26

I don't work and he doesn't see his dad. Yes, 2 days. He just won't go, gets very worked up and is aggressive if I try and force him. As I said school aren't supportive at all and have just said he needs to be in, which I know but if he won't go then I can't. He was refusing school previously but he would go and was happy at pick up, the TA left at easter and since then the refusal has got worse, I did manage to get him in after which was a struggle and whenever I picked him up he wasn't happy and was very pale. Then by the end of the school year boyfriend was carrying him in because he just wouldn't go I don't drive which also makes it a more of a struggle when its just me as even if I can get him dressed, he refuses to walk or he just runs off.

Doesn’t change the answer though, you need to be at home dealing with this. He can’t just not be in education, eventually you will get prosecuted for one thing. Is moving schools an option? Are you sure he doesn’t have any SEN? Are you atleast home schooling him in the meantime?

luxxlisbon · 29/10/2022 20:34

2 days?
He’s 8!!! You are seriously failing your child by just giving up on him like this.

Navigatingnewwaters · 29/10/2022 20:36

YAB massively U and avoiding dealing with the actual issue here, what a terrible message to send your child not to deal with problems but try and avoid them.

OxanaVorontsova · 29/10/2022 20:36

school aren't supportive at all and have just said he needs to be in
School needs to support you in getting him in, it is in their interests to do so, even if for mornings/afternoons only initially.

Preeeettyprettygood · 29/10/2022 20:37

I'm sorry but this is ridiculous. Forget seeing your boyfriend you need to support your son. So selfish

theonlygirl · 29/10/2022 20:38

You need some help here. You need to make an appointment with his school and devise a plan for how you & school are going to get him in everyday. It sounds as though the loss of the TA has been very difficult for him, did the TA provide a lot of support? If this is happening at 8, imagine how hard it's going to be at 11, 13, 15. Keeping him off for an entire week definitely won't help, but maybe he needs a reduced timetable to slowly build back up to full time attendance. School refusal must be very hard, but you really need to resolve this before secondary.

Preeeettyprettygood · 29/10/2022 20:39

Actually, I just don't buy this. And your boyfriend carrying him into school 🤔 what are actually doing to help and support your son?

FlakeySalt · 29/10/2022 20:42

Then by the end of the school year boyfriend was carrying him in because he just wouldn't go

From 1hr 45mins away? 🤨

Preeeettyprettygood · 29/10/2022 20:44

FlakeySalt · 29/10/2022 20:42

Then by the end of the school year boyfriend was carrying him in because he just wouldn't go

From 1hr 45mins away? 🤨

Exactly! And considering the son has only been in 2 days this term? 🙄

OriginalUsername3 · 29/10/2022 20:44

Your child has only been in school 2 days since September? Your boyfriend who you've only been dating "more than a year" was carrying him to school after Easter. So when he'd known you a year and should have barely met your child.

You need to go home and sort out your kids problems with school. I can't believe what I'm reading. Your child needs an education.

Original poster
takabo9962 · 29/10/2022 20:46

I did mention autism etc to the school but they have said he doesn't have it. When he isn't at school I take him out places, the farm etc. He plays educational maths games on his iPad as he does enjoy maths. I'm not keeping him off to spend more time with boyfriend, even before me and boyfriend got into a relationship DS was still refusing, albeit not as bad.

OP posts:
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