I don’t think removing agency and power from women by telling them everything is the fault of men and they have little control because of this is in any way good for us.
This demonstrates a massive misunderstanding of what misogyny is.
The fact that women have agency isn't evidence of its absence.
Women can have control of our lives within the confines of a patriarchal society which favours males.
Take the current removal of our spaces in favour of trans identifying males. Any woman who stands up against that is being framed as a bigot because women are supposed to 'be kind'. Heaven forbid the males should have to sort out their own issues of violence against other non gender conforming males.
Women don't have the agency to solve this problem. We are not misandrists for pointing it out.
I really struggle with any woman who tries to downplay the impact of misogyny.
Your points about equality of choice over child care particular rankled when you were suggesting that women who decide to work part time to be child carers don't fall victim of patriarchal structures which mean that it is difficult to return to work. It's wilful blindness. In my own life I was the one who chose to give up work when our children with disabilities weren't in school for various reasons. My DH and I both have the same career but BECAUSE of absences for maternity leave and because of inequality in pay he earned more than me for doing the same work. This means that on a financial basis alone he was the right person to go to work. Now our children are more settled 5 years down the line, I don't have the ability to go back to work at the same level as him because no one is interested in a middle aged woman with a massive gap in experience and skills. When we both worked full time I still carried the mental load. I'm sure some women look at me and think I'm lazy or enjoy being carried by a man financially when that could't be further from the truth. I hate not having financial independence. I hate that my career is the one in tatters because it made more sense for me to be the one to give work up. This is a common story.
Our children are autistic and struggled with school attendance, it is mothers, not fathers who are blamed for that. It is disproportionately Mothers who have been fined and imprisoned.
Agencies surrounding children with disabilities and mental health services treat fathers differently from mothers and treat the fathers with more respect. There are times my husband has told them point blank that he gives me his entire trust in my capacity to make decisions about OUR children because they have not taken me seriously in his absence. This is a common story.
And to suggest that pointing these things out is akin to man hatred is just really silly. Recognising misogyny in society does not equate to a hatred of men even individually or as a class. I hate misogyny but don't hate men. But the simple truth is that misogyny can't be solved or reduced if women refuse to recognise it, downplay it, or worse, blame women for it.