To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

If she’s car sick, you’re torturing her leaving her rear facing. Poor kid.

@YellowTreeHouse Yes you do! I have studied ERF intensely and the risks to a 3.5 yr old compared with FF are pretty much equal! It's only when they're tiny that there's a huge difference. Educate yourself!

If she vomits with her car sickness I’d be very concerned at the likelihood of her aspirating it. You wouldn’t know until it was too late and in the case of a child who is known to suffer travel sickness it is arguably a more likely hazard than the abstract possibility of a head-on collusion or bad rear shunt, both of which are relatively rare.
Sometimes assessing risk means mitigating against one at the expense of another. I mean this kindly but you sound very fixated on the issue.

I tried all of these and they did not solve my travel sickness problem. I admit that open window helps but only with wind actually blowing onto my face which is unlikely to be achievable with a rear facing position (unless you’re driving backwards).

Nothing helps as much as facing the right way!!!

By the way the advice about food is bad, eating something starchy like bread right before travelling helps a bit. Travelling on an empty stomach is the worst because the stomach acid had nothing to sink into.

My daughter was horrendous in the car from birth. She was rear facing / when she learnt to talk all the poor kid could say was sick sick sick - never sick but constantly feels sick.
She was rear facing when she moved forward facing / it eased massively. Although a DVD player helped as well (I didn’t agree with tv either!).

I think you have asked about forward facing and rear facing as a question / I think you are massively unreasonable completely totally and utterly. If there is any chance she is car seat / please I beg you move her around. My daughter is 15 and prefers the front due to car sickness.

she is 3 and a half years old
at 4 she will
or might be going into reception on minibus etc these will be forward facing.

I could take you down the papers on car safety. As many studies done on rear safety are not done in the U.K.
your greatest risk in a car is your speed - kinetic energy being speed squared, the type of car eg make and then the mass and condition of the car - all big factors too.

of course seat belts and car seats are important but so if this position in the car and all sorts of other factors eg women are more likely to die then men - the seatbelts and seats are not designed for the average woman but the average man.

in case I think you are being totally unreasonable and I would refuse to take your child in my car if giving her a lift home from nursery etc.

buy a decent front facing seat and let the poor child breathe and stop feeling sick

This!

It's safer for adult's to rear face but it's not practical!
My daughter will be until she is almost 8!

@Lavender2021 plaster over the belly button? Really?

It has been known for hundreds of years that having your back to the horses/engine significantly increases the chance of motion sickness.

COP on. She is nearly 4. The chances of a car accident are slim whereas the chances of her vomiting alone in the back of a car facing away from everyone is certain. How you can inflict that on a child is beyond me. Car sickness is horrendous and the panic of feeling it coming on is distressing in itself. The child covered in vomit, the car covered in vomit and the poor little one distraught. That's just cruel.

Is OP going to clean the vomit out of their car, then?

I suffer very badly with travel sickness and vomit if I have to sit against the direction of travel on a train. I can’t sit in the back of a car for any distance I less it is sitting well forward in the middle seat. I’m not talking about the safety issues here but I don’t think the travel sickness will be resolved unless the child car see the road ahead,

@Lavender2021 Nonsense! It's been proven that their knees and hips would impact in such a way that it would render them permanently disabled if rear facing over 6yrs old ffs. Don't do that to your child, just to fit in

@MolliciousIntent dunno? I don't know her personally. Maybe you should ask her.

@Unseelie Incorrect. As stated in a previous comment I do suffer from travel sickness (and am obviously not rear facing so FF doesn't always eliminate it). I'm not doing it for shits and giggles. I'm doing it because it's SAFER.

What a load of rubbish. Got proof for that have you?

I didn’t know this was a thing either.

Personally I’d weigh up the probability of a serious accident vs the benefit of alleviating the car sickness. I think the sickness would mean I’d at least try to see if it made a difference. You say you suffer from it, but there are definitely degrees of it so your experience is not your daughters.

My kids are grown now but I do know that I had to push through my desire to wrap them in cotton wool, in order to let them experience life and grow up as confident kids, not scared of the world. It was hard at times and went against your natural instincts. But you do have to do it for their sakes. It was easier with the second child though, as you become much more relaxed about things.

yabu. Overprotective, hysterical and at risk of losing your relationship with your parents. Most all children are forward facing by 2.5/3 I don’t know any my sons age that aren’t. You are being vvv unreasonable

@Untitledsquatboulder It's not my list just one from a car seat group!
It did seem odd to me as well, but you can't knock it until you try it!

50% of threads on Mumsnet: "They say it takes a village to raise a child. AIBU to be upset by the lack of support I'm getting from my parents".

The other 50%: "Im cutting my mum out of my life - she grated my child's carrott using a micro-plane grater, when I specifically said she must use a box grater".

I agree with your Mum; I think you’re being ridiculously over the top.

You’re obsessed with ‘safety’ but you’ve made a really poor risk assessment. She is much more likely to choke on vomit RF than be involved in a collision.

@IdiotSandwich05 I agree with @MolliciousIntent I think your parents' reluctance to RF is probably mainly to do with having your kid vomit all over their car. Could you compromise and offer to pay for and arrange a valet service every time your DD throws up in their car if they keep RF?

She is nowhere near big enough for a booster seat. That wouldn’t actually be legal at her age/size.

I can see your point about being rear facing but the risk is a lot less once they’re bigger. At her age I wouldn’t be so anal about it. It is also better to forward face if you get travel sick.

YABU and I extended rear faced both of my children. The risk of a 3.5 yO is almost as low as it gets, you need to be less precious and more flexible. If they were under 2 which is a much riskier body proportion then I’d have said it’s not an unreasonable request.