To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

If safety is the main issue, don't drive in a car with her at all. That way she is always safe

@MightyOaks
Why would companies be spending loads of money trying to make 36kg weight limit rear facing seat if that was the case?
I bet they are also working on uping 125cm height limit.

Poor kid. Travel sickness is awful.

Agree. My nieces rear faced til 5 I think.

And with regards the pillow in cot - my MIL bought cot bedding set including duvet, pillow and padded bumpers for a cot at her house. I removed it all and put baby to sleep in his sleeping bag. She thought I was crazy but I don't care. Can't actually believe it's still legal to sell those bumpers.

Your child they follow your rules.
i hate the “you survived” bullshit. And ask them if they’d recommend drinking/smoking and thalidomide in pregnancy too. Lead paint in cots?

Also back in the day they were most likely pootling around the village with you in the car, not driving on the motorway daily etc

This......totally agree the risk of inhailing vomit unseen is also one to consider. Im not sure i would want to put a child in a situation where they fear car rides or develop a phobia to them due to sickness a phobia that could br life long and extend to vomiting in geberal.

Wow. OP’s last post before it was deleted gives a hint of how this conversation went with her parents.

Is there not a risk of your child chocking on vomit whilst you can’t see this due to her being rear facing? There is more than one risk at play here, both unlikely but possible.

You are being OTT and bizarrely aggressive which shows how unreasonable you can
be really. But she’s your child and it’s your rules so if you want to stop your parents taking her out then fair enough.

You're not comparing like with like on the rf or ff debate.
You're comparing it on a non vomiting child, as all the studies would be.
But your actual comparison is rf plus vomiting vs ff.

OP you have to learn to manage risk. I understand your desire to drive it down as low as you can, but as your child gets older you will more and more need to let them take risks. It is very hard as a parent to sacrifice some of your peace of mind to allow your child to grow up. But you have to be unselfish inthis. You are making your dc suffer for a reason which it is very very low, and dressing it up as being in the child's benefit. No you are doing it for you, for your own peace of mind

Yeah, this. How is it safe if she chokes on her vomit and is rear-facing so you can’t reach back and help? Poor child.

It was deleted so I'll rephrase. To suggest I am TORTURING my child is ludicrous. We do everything we can to alleviate the nausea (apart from FF of course but that doesn't always work), and I don't do it because I enjoy her suffering. We do many things with/to our children that cause unpleasant symptoms but are ultimately the safest thing for them. Is getting your child vaccinated torture? Is taking them for a blood test or medical procedure torture? No of course not.

Anyone who suggests I'm torturing her needs their head examined. It makes light of children who are actually abused. What if I FF and she's still sick? What do I do then? Would taking her out in the car ever be considered torture? Get a grip.

3.5? Where do her legs go.. weird. I have 4 children, this seems ridiculously uncomfortable or maybe I am missing something

,,,and if you think 'my child my rules' is a thing, you are in for a big shock in a year's time when they start school!

@IdiotSandwich05 you're refusing to address the point that many people have raised about the risk of your daughter choking on her own vomit. Why is that?

I'm only being aggressive to people who suggest I am abusing and torturing my child. In my replies to other more sane comments I am perfectly polite. Would you not be outraged at the suggestion you're an abusive parent?

Your kid, your choice always

but I know very few children still rear facing at 3.5, totally get it's safer but often not practical.

forward facing will likely reduce motion sickness too

And staring at the back of the back seat presumably. 🤔

I agree with this.

No ones calling you abusive but if there's a choice to alleviate your child's sickness why would you not at least consider it?

I can't believe so many people think it's OTT to RF AT 14kg. My DS is about that at 18mo, I'd certainly not turn him FF. And no one would be driving him if they weren't willing to keep him safe.

Interesting. Super normal in Australia to use an extended rear facing seat up til 4. Wouldn't cross my mind if I saw a 3.5 year old rf.

Regardless, your parents should be respecting your choices with your daughter. They had their turn to raise you with their own rules. She is your child and you get to decide.

I wouldn't be keen to leave my child with anyone who I knew would disregard my wishes or if I had to question whether I trusted their judgement.

@IdiotSandwich05 if you decide to post a question on a public forum then you should expect a range of views and opinions. So far 73% of voters think you are being unreasonable and some have offered insight. If a comment doesn’t align with your view just ignore it, being argumentative and aggressive isn’t a good look for an OP on AIBU!

@MolliciousIntent what are the chances of that actually happening? Unless she's unconscious I think it's incredibly unlikely. Yes the chances of a serious collision are also unlikely but if one DID occur her chances of serious injury are much greater FF.

OP I haven't seen anyone suggesting you're torturing your child (I may be wrong though). But you aren't responding to a lot of very valid points and questions that people are asking?