To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

@NiceParkingSpotRitaThanksJanet Thank you. I also still suffer from travel sickness so FF certainly isn't the miracle cure everyone is claiming it is.

@Sparklingbrook Apologies, I did try to select my old username but it wasn't available apparently.

Not unreasonable at all. Im with you, RF as long as possible and don't allow grandparents to take kids out unless in RF. My kids are older than yours and still RF.

You can't have your old username back if you dereg IIRC. No need to apologise it may make this very long thread harder to navigate because a lot of posters click 'See All' by OP before they reply.
Although saying that is there much left to say? The vote has stayed pretty much constant from the start.

I'd say neither of you were being unreasonable here. Maybe I'm cold and hard, but I couldn't see myself forking out for one of the larger rear facing seats for a grandchild. They cost a lot.

Could you have fitted two rear facing seats in the boot of your car and still had one forward facing in the middle? It came down to logistics like this for me when I had three under 6 and I guess grandparents might have more than one family's children to consider when buying car seats.

@Barbie222 they are expensive but we bought them a RF car seat for their car. And my children are their only grandchildren so not a matter of money or logistics.

@Revolvingwhore
They're not babies, it's nuts. What 9 years wants to be treated as such? I think it's crazy.

It’s not treating them as babies though?!
It’s just putting them in the safest possible car seat, chances of serious injury or being killed are massively reduced by RF them.

In other countries, it’s the norm to RF until a 25kg seat is outgrown.
I’ve got quite a few friends in the UK who RF until 25kg seat outgrown too so to my kids it wasn’t anything particularly out of the ordinary, just something that they understood kept them as safe as possible.

Oh yes, Ive just realised you are THAT parent on the playground.

Stop embarrassing your children. In a rear facing seat until 8/9 fgs. Where do they put their legs? Poor children

Seat belts on planes aren't there in case the plane crashes. You do realise that, right?

@Autumndays123 Stop embarrassing your children. In a rear facing seat until 8/9 fgs. Where do they put their legs? Poor children

They aren’t embarrassed😂well I do embarrass them in other ways but not by their car seat!

The seats are installed in extended leg room so legs rest down on the seat in front of them.
Now they FF and moan it’s uncomfortable that their legs dangle, they can’t cross them etc like they could RF.
They say RF was much more comfortable than FF, mainly due to their legs.

I think you’re being ridiculous but your drive in

@BloodAndFire Sorry, I'm not following?

If its the one i think it is they get really nasty if someone asks for advice and says things like but i cant climb through the boot to get to the rear boot seats. Theyve even suggested buying a new car like everyone has that money

Is it that they dont like vomit in the car and want to see if ff is an answer as it is for many? Its also a worry as a child choking on anything is silent so you wouldnt know until you stop to get out. People asume you hear coughing you dont.

Whats extended leg room?

You are the op, right?

The seat belts in a plane are in case of turbulence, bumpy landing, slamming brakes on on the tarmac, etc.

So the thing you said about rf vs ff not mattering in the event of the plane crashing is irrelevant.

Seat belts are there for (quite likely) turbulence and bumpy landings, not for crashes.

I'm saying you are happy for your daughter to travel in a plane seat, facing forward, wearing only a lap belt. That's a sensible risk assessment.

It is unusual that you don't take your preschool aged child on buses, trains or tubes, but many many parents do. Mine have travelled unrestrained on London buses since they were old enough to be out of the buggy. This is normal.

Obviously no one is saying that babies should be bouncing around or not rear facing but you are making a really poor attempt at weighing up the risks and benefits here.

If I were your parent, I wouldn't be dealing with vomit and a nauseous, distressed, puking child if you weren't even willing to attempt a compromise.

The issue about vomit...is that rear fscing you coukd not see her ff you can see in the rear view.....and its less likely to happen.....the same could happen eating or drinking you hit a pot hole child inhails food or liquid and silently dies

@BloodAndFire I can assure you @notthetinderswindler definitely isn't me. Sure MNHQ will confirm that.

Also I do take her on buses and trains. Even say so in another comment.

FF as opposed to RF makes an enormous difference to motion sickness. I’m guessing you’re not a sufferer?

It’s one of the worst feelings there is.

I suffer from motion sickness and FF on, eg, a train makes the difference for me between a pleasant journey and feeling unbelievably unwell. Recently Eurostar messed around with seat booking and I ended up with a RF seat - horrendous. We were in Paris for about an hour before I started to feel normal again.

Poor little mite.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing I have stated numerous times now that I do indeed suffer from motion sickness. Forward facing does FA. I have taken my daughter on buses before without a car seat and forward facing. She was still sick.

@jannier
Whats extended leg room?

The 25kg RF seats can usually be fitted away from the back of the seat to allow for more leg room. So the child’s feet can rest on the actual seat rather than the back of the seat (if that makes sense)?! The seat is fitted further towards the driver/passenger seat so they have more room. If you picture their feet resting where your bum would go if you were sat normally in the back of the car!

I don’t think some people realise what a 25kg seat is like, may not have seen them in RL with the comments of ‘poor children’ and ‘babies’. They aren’t like an infant carrier/18kg RF seat. They are designed to accommodate older children rather tan babies/toddlers (average is about age 6 but obviously lots of smaller children will fit into them much older than this).

If I FF her and she is still sick, which is likely if she's still ill on buses, what do you suggest I do then? Never take her in a car ever again?

The issue about vomit...is that rear fscing you coukd not see her ff you can see in the rear view.....and its less likely to happen.....the same could happen eating or drinking you hit a pot hole child inhails food or liquid and silently dies

You can get mirrors to see them when RF😊
Food/drink isn’t recommended in the car anyway. Cups/bottles can be dangerous if in a crash and food is a choking risk as you say.
FF could have the same outcome if you happen to not check them or don’t notice in time/can’t pull over in time.

I do think if your child is badly car sick, it’s worth taking public transport, other means as much as you can. Sometimes you have to take the car obviously.

The focussing on an object ahead of you probably works better if you’re facing the way you’re going, I’d have thought.

Personally I don’t get sick on buses though- coaches, yes, incredibly, but not really buses. Not trains if FF and not aeroplanes or even boats really.

What helps for me is driving but I realise your child can’t do that - sitting in the front makes an enormous difference as opposed to sitting in the back. I can’t really sit in the backs of cars at all any more.