To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

Me too. No one seemed to want to accept that it wasn't possible to rear face in a cactus with a 6'7 driver.

”Extended RF groups on FB”.
Brilliant!! Guess that’s one way to entertain yourself on these dark autumn evenings 🤣.

@Weller123 Yes indeed, or even educate yourself.

It's not really an either/or situation though, there's plenty of other things to try before FF. I'd say on the balance of probability, if FF does help after exhausting other options then fair enough. The chances of that actually resolving the car sickness is slim despite your personal experience, and there's other potential solutions to car sickness that's worth a shot first.

Your child, your choice, BUT:

"they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!"
Yes, forward facing would help with the carsickness. You said "When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles" - well, you'll be able to find studies and articles to confirm that. I'm a little surprised you haven't already done so. I'm a big bit surprised at your 'rather she was sick' comment.

Frankly, were I your mother, I would stop taking your daughter out in the car. Having been badly carsick as a child, I would not be able to inflict carsickness on her (and that's without considering the cleaning up etc.) especially knowing that adifferent seat arrangement would help.

My daughter is now 14- she rear-faced for 4.5 years. Back then there was SO much ignorance about the superior safety of rear facing, and disappointingly I see things haven't improved much, judging by the chorus of 'Poor child! Still rear facing at 3?!', and 'where do their legs go?!'
Incidentally, my daughter got car sick sometimes, and still got just as car sick when she faced forward. She was always more than happy rear-facing, had a great view, and was never uncomfortable.
OP, yanbu.

I also experience mild motion sickness when pregnant, and I couldn't even sit rear facing on the bus drive for 5 mins. Seriously every paper said sitting rear facing doesn't affect carsickness is a lie. Rear facing probably doesn't cause carsickness but it definitely makes it worse vs. forward facing. I would change her to sit forward facing asap if you ever want her to get out of motion sickness at all. It's a terrible thing to have, my older sister had it as a child until young adults because she was rarely driven in a car.

I’m surprised at the number of people saying you are being OTT.

Mine RF until outgrown a 25kg seat (they are small so were 8/9 when outgrown). I did let them go in other cars FF in a HBB occasionally from around 6 years old.
No way would I have FF at 3.5 years, especially in grandparents car when you can swap the seat easily.

Thanks, I will definitely bare FB it in mind next time I need to educate myself!

Of course you’re not being unreasonable, she’s your child and then shouldn’t even be questioning it. You don’t have to explain or show them anything, it’s absolutely none of their business . My mum looked after my eldest when he was a baby, it wouldn’t have occurred to her to question my decisions.

Is your DD 3.5 months or years?

I don’t know. I think I might be a bit old fashioned. I did read up on the benefits of rear facing and I agree to a certain level but I also can’t help but feel like car safety is starting to feel almost oppressive for children… I kind of get where your parents are coming from but I also understand your perspective that they should try to respect your feelings on the matter. If forward facing is helping your child with car sickness though then I do think you need to compromise. Her comfort and well being is important too… Just my two cents on the matter. At the end of the day you are the parent.

I forgot to add that 3.5 is a good age to switch. If she is 2 or less it would be a different matter.

Based on what research? Anything I've ever read suggest 4 at an absolute minimum.

I forgot to add that 3.5 is a good age to switch. If she is 2 or less it would be a different matter.

A child’s hip bones don’t develop sufficiently to hold an adult seatbelt in a high back booster until around 4.5 years (regardless of child’s weight/height).
This means they are at risk of submarining completely under the belt.
FF in a harness places high loads on the neck, risking serious injury or worse.

Safest option is to RF as long as possible. 25kg seats usually last until around age 6, depending on the child.
If you are going to FF before this, then safer to wait until around age 4.5 years.

Well I'd make it my parents' prerogative. Just because RF is safEST doesn't make FF unsafe, it's only few trips out with the GPs. I also think any benefit has to be balanced by the pukey aspect.

I’m the previous comment I mentioned it’s my two cents so it’s really just my opinion. Of course I know of the local laws in the area so that should also be taken into consideration. In Canada the law is all based on height and weight and then it’s just your comfort. And as I said I’m also old fashioned. Some parents keep their kids rear facing for as long as physically possible. Which is their right if it makes them comfortable.

Know nothing of *

Your child, your rules. Oh and for the record I wouldn't be happy with the idea of FF my child at 3.5 either, there's nothing OTT about wanting to keep your child as safe as possible.

Yanbu op, ignore all the people on this thread saying you should ff your child. I actually can't believe how many parents turn their kids ff so young. My kids safety is my top priority and they will rf for as long as possible. I had a similar conversation with in-laws, fortunately they weren't as pushy as your parents but I was VERY clear that unless they kept the children rf they wouldn't be taking them in the car

Honestly, if there was an accident and your child died because they were ff, how would your parents feel?!

My 7 year old has been seen getting in and out of her rear-facing seat for three years' of school runs. The kids mostly don't notice or care. Last time a classmate asked about it their Mum instantly said "because it's safer" and smiled at me.

My 7 year old has been seen getting in and out of her rear-facing seat for three years' of school runs. The kids mostly don't notice or care. Last time a classmate asked about it their Mum instantly said "because it's safer" and smiled at me.

Love this!
Mine RF until 8 and 9 years old. It’s honestly an non issue. Sometimes other children / adults would ask why their car seat faced that way, DC would turn round and say ‘it’s so I don’t die in a crash’😂
When they were a bit older, I explained why it was safer, showed them crash test videos.

I’m not sure why it would need a permanent FB group. To endlessly discuss it. 🤔

Has the OP gone? Hopefully they are at their parents house building a few bridges.