To tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they forward face her

[IdiotSandwich05]

Would I be unreasonable to tell my parents they can't take my daughter out if they're going to forward face her?

This is NOT meant to turn into a debate about car seats and rear-facing vs forward-facing.

So my daughter is 3.5 and been rear facing since birth and still is. Her rear facing car seat goes up to 25kg and she's only 14kg so I plan on keeping her in it for the foreseeable. My parents have mentioned forward facing her loads of times, (since she was about 18 months!), but it's happening a lot more often recently. They keep saying they're going to buy her a booster seat, I asked why and what's wrong with the car seat we got them and they say her legs are too long and she looks uncomfortable in it 🙄 they also mention that she's quite badly car sick and forward facing would help it. She DOES get car sick but I'm not sure wether FF would do anything and tbh I'd rather she was sick but was safer than not sick but less safe!

They even say they know it's safer to RF! Yet are still constantly mentioning FF 🙄 When I try and show them studies, car seat safety tests, even news articles ect they just laugh and tell me to stop Googling stuff and they did it with me and I survived blah blah. Really bloody frustrating.

Well it came to a head the other day and I lost my temper and flat out told them she was going to continue RF and if they couldn't respect that they weren't taking her out in their car. They can still see her of course, just not actually take her anywhere in the car if they're going to FF.

Well my mum has now called me ridiculous and isn't talking to me 🙄 she says I'm 'over the top' with safety and need to relax a bit! I think SHE'S being ridiculous but I don't know if I was a little harsh?

I should say that this isn't the first time we've argued over safety or lack of it! One time they watched her when she was 8 months old, and when I came to collect her she was asleep in a travel cot with a pillow! I told them this wasn't safe and again got the 'we did it when you were a baby' ect. But they did remove it.

I'm sure this is an argument a lot of us have with our parents. But was I too harsh for saying this?

I missed it but if we’re at the point OP is having their comments deleted by MNHQ then it’s downhill from here on…

@RedHelenB they are. Someone said I was torturing her.

@IdiotSandwich05 you didn’t reply to my post asking whether you plan to ever take her on holiday or allow her to go on school trips next year?

Your child, your rules!

If they don’t like it, they can stop taking her out, end of story.

Blimey, the majority of mine would not have been out of RF before high school (tall but uber thin). I have one now that as a young adult that has still not reached 40kg and likely never will. I’m having visions of them stuffed in a RF seat during their high school years 😂.

They should absolutely respect your rules.

you should be taking car sickness much more seriously. To not do so is cruel. As a lifelong sufferer who never outgrew it, I don’t think people understand just how miserable a sufferer can feel, even outside of vomiting and even after the car stops. I am a strong advocate of extended rear facing and did so with my own child, but if she had suffered from motion sickness, I would have turned her seat by 3.5.

My youngest went between FF and RF at a similar age due to car availability, so they can do both.

Anyway, it seems there is talk of a booster, OP I would stall them on the fact that she is still a bit too young for a booster (it should only be a hbb) and that there is no point at looking for a different seat until she is at least at the minimum weight. Even if FF at that age (and as long as they haven't outgrown the seat by weight and / or height) they should still be in a 5 point harness.

most likely ahhahaha she will be ‘that parent’

if she’s willing to fall out with her own parents over this she will think nothing about being arsey with the school.

This is the most PFB post I've ever read. Hahahahah

It’s much more likely for your child with her established history of travel sickness. I’m sorry OP but you have got this one wrong.

Oh my bad, yep, someone has said you're torturing her 🙄

@IdiotSandwich05 Ill ask again, are you paying for their car to be cleaned every time your kid vomits all over it?

Risks of serious injury in a car crash are not more likely than risk of dying or being left seriously injured after chocking on her own vomit when you can’t see her. Both are unlikely, both are still a risk.

Also on the comfort level. When you're sat on a tall chair like a bar stool and there's no where to put your feet up so they just hang, are you more or less comfortable than when you're sat on the sofa with your knees tucked to your chest. Especially a child with flexible joints. It's far more comfortable to have your knees tucked up that have your legs hanging.

RF definitely makes a difference to travel sickness. I would ff based on this.

@Changeableweather that's never happened. She's not sick every time and on the rare occasion she is it's a tiny amount.

This. Seems very unfair on her. You do sound v ott. How long are people supposed to RF? Until adulthood?

@ShesThunderstorms yup. And apparently I'm also BU to be upset by that.

It's strange that you posted this in AIBU OP, given how strongly you feel you are correct.

I'd be interested to know how many other restrictions you put on your daughters life and happiness to ensure her SAFETY. As the risk differential bw ff and rf is very small at her age (esp when you factor in the liklihood of a serious accident in the first place) I guess there must be a whole bunch of everyday stuff you don't let her do? Or would you say your approach is more selective arbitary?

I wouldn't want her to constantly feel sick in the car and forever have that association. Car sickness is just horrible.

I did not suffer from motion sickness but refuse point blank to travel backwards on trains. It’s really confusing for the vestibular system. I’m 100% for babies/toddlers travelling RF for safety reasons but do question when this ends. There needs to be a logical point, I wouldn’t want to be trapped in RF forever just because I was 25kg.

My DGS at 3 was too tall to be in a RF car seat, he was also horribly car sick. He happily travelled in a FF car seat, pretty much stopped the car sickness too.
As someone who completely sympathises with travel sickness there’s no way I could inflict that on a child unnecessarily. Very selfish behaviour.

You've clearly never been a child suffering from car sickness, that was most of my childhood (and it was as bad as the hyperemesis I got with my pregnancies, which adults get medication and doctor's notes for).
You are overly anxious about car accidents and not listening to the hundreds of responses telling you YABVVVU. Take a step back and look at yourself for your child's sake.

You aren't torturing her and you are not an abusive parent. People saying that are being ridiculous.

I do, however, think you are being very OTT. She's not far short of turning 4. Surely it is worth giving forward facing a try to see if it does help alleviate her travel sickness.

Personally, I think that at that age rearward facing does look uncomfortable. One of my DDs has always been tall for her age. At the age your DD now is she simply wouldn't have been able to use a rearward facing seat. Her very long legs (for her age) would have been braced against the back of the seat and almost round her neck. She had to be forward facing much earlier.

Unfortunately parents rear-facing kids beyond baby stage is still seen as an eccentric minority. I just do not understand it. The stats are so clear on the improved safety rear-facing.

I'm lucky that my parents were ok with it after I quoted some stats but a couple of my friends who had their kids forward facing quite early have been very judgemental of my decision to keep DD rear-facing even though I never brought the subject up myself.

I can however see that if your parents are having to deal with vomit that might not be an issue forward facing that they do have a rational reason to want to forward face her...