To ask for your “That’s it, I’m done” moment?

[AutumnAesthetic]

Name changed.

I think we can all agree 2020-2022 has been, for most, an absolute gut punch.

I have noticed on here lately (and in the real world actually) that so many people are feeling a real apathy and a sense of “I’m done” BUT not many people can place exactly why, generally feeling it’a just the past few years of stress that has finally taken its toll and now they feel like everything’s a bit hopeless and won’t get better any time soon.

Can you pin point your own personal moment? The straw that broke the camels back I suppose.

my own example is below, feel free to skip it’s just an example:

For myself, it was one day last week. I had some washing and drying to catch up on, bathed both kids and cleaned the house. At the end of the night I looked at the meter and we had used £16 of electric, in a day! Usually use about £5-6. A few moments later received a phone call from the husband of a friend who recently passed away with cervical cancer, we were talking and he said she had been trying to get her smear booked in during 2020 and it was delayed and delayed and he believes if she had gotten the appointment when she initially tried, she might still be with us.

And that was it, after I hung up I sat down and had a little cry. It was my “that’s it, I’m done” moment.

I haven’t been able to shake the feeling since, it’s opened the door up to looking at all the things that have happened the past two years and accepting that yes, it’s all been pretty horrible and I’ve been doing the very British thing of stiff upper lip, crack on and don’t complain.

Thanks in advance for sharing, if you choose to ♥️

Virtual hugs for you. It is a hard and unforgiving world for the neurodiverse. I get it.

So because people 60+ years ago suffered terrible hardship, that means we can't ever express distress about the hardships people are experiencing now.

I bet there were people like you sneering in 1945 that the hardships being suffered were nothing like the Great War and backbones should be grown etc.

@SuspiciousHedgehog @WhiteCarnation Than you. I hope we all come out of this more compassionate to each other. Though there is a part of me that feels like 'three years, and you're broken. Try 35 years'. That attitude isn't helpful and I'm trying to keep it in check.

You’re right with what you say.

However, your parents great, great…grandparents lived through a cholera epidemic and would have longed for clean water. Their great, great grandparents might have died of the plague.

We can always look back and see how lucky we are now in comparison. Indeed we can look to other countries right now and see horrific suffering. It doesn’t negate people’s experiences now though.

If you break your wrist, it doesn’t hurt any less because your neighbour breaks their arm.

Yes, and me. I feel like I've been here before, but I am getting weary of the entire shitshow now, as I'm older, unhealthier, and cannot rely on the NHS, so am having to pay.

I'm fed up with Tory governments, fed up with the chaos, fed up with energy costs, and fed up with basic foodstuffs costing a fortune.

I just want a quiet life, with little stress, and that isn't happening.

Still, the bad times pass, along with the good times, so trying to hang on in there.🙁

(Sorry I haven't read the whole thread. I saw BigglyBee's comment and just want to add something along those lines.)

I work with refugees and asylum seekers who come to learn English.
As you can imagine many of them have fled from unbelievably awful and dangerous situations.
They find themselves living without home comforts in a strange land.
Most of them are so grateful to be here.

This week I ran a session called Pots of Hope. I brought plant pots, compost and Spring bulbs.
I used the bulbs as a metaphor.
The bulbs look like nothing in your hand. They are not colourful and appealing. If we plant them in the cold, damp soil over the Winter.
In the Spring we see their beauty emerge, making us smile.
We too can work unseen, we can practice our English or knitting or sewing. We can walk in parks to better our health. We can look around at Autumn leaves. We can make friends with fellow students and neighbours. We can ask for help from services around us.

None of these things ameliorate the dreadful circumstances in which many people live at present but they can raise a smile.
We shared drinks and informal chats during the session, it was wonderful to see people relax and laugh and talk together.

In the Spring we will revisit our pots, sharing photos or sitting in the community garden and discuss our hopes.

I think of the words of Thich Nhat Hanh.

The problem is what if you don’t believe tomorrow will be better? What if you feel hopeLESS?

I love the bulb metaphor x

Feelings need to be acknowledged and sat with. I think often we need to express them somehow - lots of ways to do that, from crying to talking to joking, dancing, boxing, writing, painting, sport - probably a different way for everyone.

We can't brush them aside, we need to face them. And really, really feel them. Don't get lost in the story, or your thoughts about it: what does it mean to feel 'hopeless'? Where is it in your body? What's the quality of that feeling? Can you sit with it?

If you can really listen to it, it will change. That's the nature of feelings. They only hang around when they aren't seen, heard, felt.

Thank you. I’m familiar with the Internal Families System and am trying to listen to my parts. Sometimes it’s tough when they feel sad.

I’ve always had good mental health but my new boss is beyond awful. I’m a middle aged able woman with a successful career and 4 years experience in my current job but she’s a bully who makes me feel worthless. I had a Monday night a few weeks back where I just couldn’t see the point anymore. I’m now furious she made me feel that way but it does feel like a large majority have become much more selfish and self absorbed following the period of looking out for each other.

I had mine this morning. Between covid lockdown, the changes in the world since covid (the state of the country, transport system, gp surgeries, etc), cost of living crisis, plus everything else in my life including stubborn elderly parents living in denial (and moaning about all the above as though it only affects them), this morning I totally snapped and threw a glass against the wall in anger.

In the past week, I have been left stranded in middle of nowhere because there are no buses or taxis, and

I guess yesterday when the UN confirmed the obvious, that there is now no pathway to keeping global temperature rises to 1.5 degrees. The feeling of utter fear and hopelessness for my DC is hard to get past.

Yep. The past few years have been horrendous, starting with finding my partner dead, then being seriously ill through the stress, then finding a friend dead, then being made redundant from a long time job... And on and on and on untill now, where I just feel like I've taken everything possible that life can throw at me, and I am done. I am lonely, depressed and completely utterly jaded. I've not even hit middle age yet.

(Oops, hit send by mistake@), and dh been obsessed with cost of living and really been overbearing with it (I am watching the pennies and being careful but he is doing my head in with it!)

I've just totally had enough of everything now. The country is just falling apart. If it isnt one thing it is another.

Omg, I am so sorry for your losses. That is heartbreaking 💔. No wonder you feel jaded.

Not so much as that moment, as I'm still battling.
I guess some days I do wish I could time travel and change it all.
Then other days it's not bad.
It's a mix at times of different perspectives

@StridTheKiller I am so sorry you are feeling how you do. Please reach out for

@StridTheKiller (sorry hit send again too early), ehat I was saying was, please reach out for help. Contact the samaritans or talk to someone. As much as you are feeling done, it won't last forever.

Sending hugs to you OP and to @StridTheKiller and to all of you struggling.

I know exactly what you mean OP. I feel like I've had so many 'I'm done" moments over the past few years, and often just lying in bed at night crying, because like you on the face of things I keep maintaining a stiff upper lip but really things are not at all ok. Including last night, wondering whether perhaps I should try and see a therapist because I'm questioning whether the reason I've been feeling everything has really just gone to shit is due to various big things that just are what they are - the global pandemic, then in the course of the last year and a bit I got made redundant, found a new job which I do enjoy but the hours are brutal and it frequently has me sleepless with anxiety and crying with stress, my dad died, and I got married. The reality is I think I could cope with all of that if it wasn't for my dad dying, the biggest and most awful part of the past year and a bit. Obviously getting married was amazing but it was so bittersweet as only months after he died and all just so stressful. Or whether it's because I actually need to change some things about me / my life - eg my work stresses me out too much and leaves me and my DH with a poor work life balance - ie I've put on weight and struggle to make time to exercise because I'm always working. And this year I hoped would be calmer but have been on a long client secondment which I literally loathe.

I suppose what I'm getting at is I was pondering last night whether the reason I feel crap is because of these huge shit events and I just need to give myself more time and things will get back on an even keel eventually (notwithstanding the terrible state of the world. Like you all I worry hugely about the rising cost of living, and particularly the state of the NHS as my DM and my DMIL age and will need more healthcare) or whether I need to actually stop burying my head in the sand and do something myself too like address the fact I work too long hours. It's all been 'we're just unprecedentedly busy' but that's been the status quo for a long time now....

Sorry, completely rambling post on my part.

Honestly 100% this.

Hence me just crying in bed last night thinking maybe I should see a therapist because something has to change, I've been coping but not actually living, and trying to work out whether that's literally because of all these utterly shit things that have been happening to all of us, or whether there's something I can change to actually start enjoying life again. Likewise I know I am incredibly resilient, but there's really only so much shit before something needs to give.

One thing I did think - I don't know about any of you but I realise I don't see nearly enough of my girlfriends anymore. Lockdown happened, and life became gruelling for all of us, and with lockdown we couldn't meet up and since then feels like we've just been surviving and working and struggling on and completely and utterly out of the habit of meeting up with girlfriends to just live, and do something fun for the sake of it, put the world to rights, talk, etc etc.

@StarryKnight me and DH are very much the same. My DM cannot fathom our passiveness in moments like that. But we genuinely don't care. Our monthly bills have gone up in the last 6 years from 1200 to 1650 and we have tried selling this twatty bastard of a house twice to no success. Our only goal now is to downsize hugely and live life. We want culture, travel and experiences not high bills a big house or a middle-class status.

My "I'm done" moment came when that stupid prick of a property developer screwed us over majorly and dropped out of the sale. The anger and frustration is driving me forward to a better life. Just keep swimming and all that! I won't let boomer insecurities push my ambitions down or BS #lifegoals alter my personal desire to live the life our family deserve.

So sorry to hear people are so defeated. I get it, I really do. Hope you find the support you need.

Thankyou @Frazzledmummy123@Frazzledmummy123

@ArabellaScott I went to a “red tent” event recently and it was pretty much like that - women keening and shaking fists at the sky. Felt a complete twat at first but SO cathartic!

I think we also need to acknowledge that there are very valid reasons for many of the day to day hardships some people face at the moment. We are at war. I think this needs to be stated. Wars are expensive and always impact the citizens. We have been through a worldwide pandemic and, to some extent, are still in it. Climate change is worsening and flood and famine only becoming more common. These are massive, unusual and highly impactful events.

On top of that, we are living with the threat of nuclear war. That's about as scary as it gets. We need to acknowledge that our concerns are valid and it's normal to feel stressed, anxious and hopeless. Looking for the good, the kind, the charity, the generosity in every day moments is the way to find peace. We cannot control these worldwide events but we can support each other in our communities, our families and our friendship groups. We can find hope, we can find it in humanity.