To ask for your “That’s it, I’m done” moment?

[AutumnAesthetic]

Name changed.

I think we can all agree 2020-2022 has been, for most, an absolute gut punch.

I have noticed on here lately (and in the real world actually) that so many people are feeling a real apathy and a sense of “I’m done” BUT not many people can place exactly why, generally feeling it’a just the past few years of stress that has finally taken its toll and now they feel like everything’s a bit hopeless and won’t get better any time soon.

Can you pin point your own personal moment? The straw that broke the camels back I suppose.

my own example is below, feel free to skip it’s just an example:

For myself, it was one day last week. I had some washing and drying to catch up on, bathed both kids and cleaned the house. At the end of the night I looked at the meter and we had used £16 of electric, in a day! Usually use about £5-6. A few moments later received a phone call from the husband of a friend who recently passed away with cervical cancer, we were talking and he said she had been trying to get her smear booked in during 2020 and it was delayed and delayed and he believes if she had gotten the appointment when she initially tried, she might still be with us.

And that was it, after I hung up I sat down and had a little cry. It was my “that’s it, I’m done” moment.

I haven’t been able to shake the feeling since, it’s opened the door up to looking at all the things that have happened the past two years and accepting that yes, it’s all been pretty horrible and I’ve been doing the very British thing of stiff upper lip, crack on and don’t complain.

Thanks in advance for sharing, if you choose to ♥️

If you read my op, you’d know I’ve spent years with a stiff upper lip and just getting ok with things @ArcaneMenace

And what? I most likely will pick myself up and carry on because that’s what people do, but at what point does that mean that I’m not allowed to have a time out and say you know what, this really sucks? Do we all have to stay silent and never communicate with other human beings about deeply human issues because it annoys you?

Whatever you have been through that has made you so dark and uncaring, I genuinely hope you heal from. And I mean that. If your example is anything to go by, and the result of “just getting on with it” and not whinging like a toddler results in hijacking threads where people have shared their upset and being so cruel then I think I’ll skip it, thanks. All the best…

If anything all this nonsense going on has made me a bit more optimistic. After a horrible and dysfunctional childhood. Feeling like an outsider from everyone because of trauma, it left me so isolated. Now everyone's a bit traumatised, I'm not the odd one out anymore! I know how to handle this kind of thing, it's my comfort zone. It's strangely validating.

There's 2 kinds of people in this world

'I have been through this, so why shouldn't you, suck it up'

'I have been through this, and nobody deserves to, I empathise, I will work for change

That’s actually a really interesting view point and I hope no one takes it personally or has a go at you for it. I have often wondered similarly over the years (pre pandemic) if I felt a bit like that when things went wrong but I’ve definitely reached a different view point lately of thinking this is too much for everyone now.

But actually answering the question. My I'm done moment was over a decade ago. I don't really want to talk about it because I've dealt with all of it and it took a lot of time. It coloured my whole life after and I had to grieve the person I was before. It's a strange and horrible feeling.

I'm certainly not glad people are struggling either. But I am glad I can relate to people more readily now.

So true! I’m a bit embarrassed to say I think until quite recently I was always the former. Hopefully not in such a brash way but the undertones were certainly there. I think I just feel like absolutely everyone has really paid their dues at this point and it’s now just become very unfair and demoralising.

I could think of something but I'd get banned @SuspiciousHedgehog

Totally understandable you wouldn’t want to rake over that, I appreciate your input. Without going into detail, could I ask if something clicked and you feel you changed over night or was it a long road of changing bit by bit afterwards? Don’t feel you have to reply if you’re not comfortable x

It really is too much. What happened to me was something that was a personal thing. Bad luck more than anything. What's going on now is societal failures on a massive scale. It's appalling and I truly hope we're witnessing the part before society makes great changes that address the issues we're all facing. I hope this leads to a wonderful future and we're just the unlucky ones who have to face a limited period of change and uncertainty.

@StridTheKiller I'm sorry you feel so low that you've done that. X. Your life is worth living. It won't always feel this crap, promise x

I like the hope there @NotQuiteUsual

I had a horrific period 2017/2018 when the rest of the world seemed quite steady, mine crumbled. I understand the feeling of suddenly being in step with everyone else (my experience of the pandemic).

While the extension of suffering broke me further, I do not want to live in a broke, stressed community, it also offers hope... Of power in great numbers, and the potential for those numbers to demand change.

I’m also going to book a smear I’ve been procrastinating. Thanks for that OP! So sorry to everyone who’s feeling low, things are shit right now. Strid flush the meds! Just go do it now, I’ll book my smear, you flush the meds. Things are going to be better if we can get through the winter 💐

This means more than you know! Thank you so so much. I’m a bit teary, which is probably spurred on by hormones but my friend was an amazing woman, only 40 years old. She was a vet and went above and beyond in so many ways for the animals and their owners. The irony that she dedicated her life to making those around her better, that during the pandemic she kept those doors open and treated the animals as she always had, but the care she needed wasn’t available… well it’s tough to swallow. You booking your smear means so much, so thank you ♥️

I have definitely had moments when I've felt like that but they are fleeting.
I feel hopeful that things can change for the better and if enough people get together we can do great things.
Not everyone will stand and fight but what I can do is make mine and my families life better by implementing changes that improve our lives.
The world has always been a bit shit for some, it's just now that it's becoming a bit shit for more of us.

No, don't flush them, take them to a chemist.

don't take them out of their packaging.

@AutumnAesthetic I'm SO sorry to hear about your friend 💔.

I very sorry to hear you've reached your 'I'm done' moment. but like you say, hopefully you'll, find your mojo again & keep on plodding. X

This is wonderful! Feel free to share the changes you are making for inspo if you feel up to it 😊

Like yourself these feelings are usually fleeting, I think the passing of my friend has perhaps heightened the feelings of unfairness of it all? But you’re right, it’s important to make positive change.

Your friend sounds amazing OP, it’s completely unfair she didn’t get the care she deserved 😞

Good advice, the chemist is a great idea!

And thank you so much! I’m hopeful I’ll feel brighter soon. I think I’m most surprised that it’s just so seemingly wide spread are the moment? So many people seem to be at their limit. X

It’s really brutal. Coupled with the fact she kept it all very quiet for over a year, only her immediate family knew what was happening because she didn’t want to worry anyone and she didn’t want to put people through emotional goodbyes. She fought on silently right until the end. Sometimes I think a certain death hits you differently because you know in your heart they were one of the good ones, she didn’t deserve to go like that ♥️

Add me to the list of people who have booked a smear because of you! Got the letter a month ago but between ft work and 2 young kids just haven't fitted it in. Rang GP and they have given me a 7pm appointment next week which I didn't even realise was a thing! Love to you OP. I get it.

I'm sorry so many are feeling this way. COVID has been awful. It has made me see how very important the human/social connection is in everyday life.

When I read the thread title I this was going to be about your moment when you filed for divorce. Ha ha... that might say more about me than you. I hope this cheers you up because I certainly laughed at my self when I realised this was not about divorce.

On a more serious note, I guess I do have a lot of "Im done" moments. They generally evolve around the never ending battle to get my autistic son access to the state education that is supposed to be free but isn't. My most awful moments are when I run into too the mean and hateful parent who sent an email about "Toxic SEND parents" and encourages the whole school community to "shut them down". We were exiled from the school because we had the sheer audacity to be autistic. It was (and still is sometimes) far worse than divorce. I try to hold my head high and leave the past behind me but sometimes I just can't stop the anger. So I try and choose my battles and only give my energy to those things that really matter. Incidentally, we moved to lovely school and education is on track. I do have too remind myself, though, that those who wish to do me harm are not worthy of my time onward and upward... one day at a time.

Mine was 4 years ago when Mum died. A horrible situation in itself - it was expected, but not so quickly, and was no less painful. But no, there wasn't just all of that to deal with. Bit by bit people ghosted me. My former employers practically made me beg for a reference even though I did not leave on bad terms (Academy Trust cut mine and other roles), and a short term one I was with pretended to show me compassion when I told them Mum was dying, yet gave me a character assassination which led to the withdrawal of a job offer because of my "excessive sick leave". Add to that noisy neighbours, a non-decent home and an avaricious landlord, plus me ending up in hospital.

I was done 4 years ago. I do ask myself why I'm still alive. Life has not got any better 4 years on. Yes, I moved to a new place, yes, I got another job and I'm still there (and they don't generally treat me like crap), but there are other issues in my sphere as well as with the wider world. I am still stuck in an unfriendly, rough town I will never call home and most of my links to my actual home are dead.

I attempted to end my life for the first time when I was 17. If I could have glimpsed into the future I would have made sure to have taken more pills.

(NB I have no thoughts of harming myself now, I don't have the energy and my little cat needs me)

*There's 2 kinds of people in this world

'I have been through this, so why shouldn't you, suck it up'

'I have been through this, and nobody deserves to, I empathise, I will work for change*

That’s generally really idealistic though. In many scenario’s you could ‘work for change’ for 3 lifetimes and realistically even then nothing will change, so it genuinely becomes a case of ‘suck it up and move on’ is the only option so humouring people otherwise is quite cruel.

😩♥️ this is wonderful, genuine huge thanks for making the appointment, sending a big hug! X

Another who had her smear letter a few weeks ago and hadn’t got round to it. Thanks for the nudge OP. I’m running this afternoon.

Sorry it’s shit. I had that moment about a year ago. Family dying, family with terminal cancer, pets dying, work (NHS) absolute covid carnage. I’ve had CBT, drawn a line in the sand at work and gradually we have carved out some good happy time in amongst the grief and stress. It’s got better, and I’m hopeful it will continue to do so. There is light ahead. Have some very unMumsnetty love and 💐

Also, the posters saying to grow a backbone are bitter trolls. Ignore them. Everyone has a limit, and even if we do pick ourselves up and dust it off eventually, we need some support while it’s happening.