To ask for your “That’s it, I’m done” moment?

[AutumnAesthetic]

Name changed.

I think we can all agree 2020-2022 has been, for most, an absolute gut punch.

I have noticed on here lately (and in the real world actually) that so many people are feeling a real apathy and a sense of “I’m done” BUT not many people can place exactly why, generally feeling it’a just the past few years of stress that has finally taken its toll and now they feel like everything’s a bit hopeless and won’t get better any time soon.

Can you pin point your own personal moment? The straw that broke the camels back I suppose.

my own example is below, feel free to skip it’s just an example:

For myself, it was one day last week. I had some washing and drying to catch up on, bathed both kids and cleaned the house. At the end of the night I looked at the meter and we had used £16 of electric, in a day! Usually use about £5-6. A few moments later received a phone call from the husband of a friend who recently passed away with cervical cancer, we were talking and he said she had been trying to get her smear booked in during 2020 and it was delayed and delayed and he believes if she had gotten the appointment when she initially tried, she might still be with us.

And that was it, after I hung up I sat down and had a little cry. It was my “that’s it, I’m done” moment.

I haven’t been able to shake the feeling since, it’s opened the door up to looking at all the things that have happened the past two years and accepting that yes, it’s all been pretty horrible and I’ve been doing the very British thing of stiff upper lip, crack on and don’t complain.

Thanks in advance for sharing, if you choose to ♥️

Thank you for this. It is so true.

NC for this.

My "I'm done" moment came after the desperate fifth phone call to child benefit in Ireland in June, they told me my claim from November was held up by Ukrainian applications that came 4 months after mine, then told me my claim was ineligible because despite the fact my claim fitted with all their regulations, they randomly decided to add additional unwritten criteria that I couldn't meet due to being on maternity with the baby I was trying to claim for.

I was a lone parent with a 6 month old baby.

No one would help me and I ended up curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor sobbing that I couldn't buy food for my babies.

When I stopped crying I decided I was done. It was the last in a long line of illegal injustices that happened while I was in Ireland where they didn't follow their own policies and there was no comeback on them or way of complaining.
I was totally done trying to make this work and five weeks later had moved back to England because when I'm back at work, I'll pay taxes where they actually want me and spend that money providing some services that benefit me.

I have been going through a separation and purchasing my exp share of our home.

He had an affair, walked out two week before Christmas last December and what followed was 10months of sheer hell. He has not seen our children since June, apart from 2 hours in July.

He argued over the price of his share, without being able to justify it. Fought me in everything every step of the way. I got hammered with the interest rate, and now energy costs. As he now does not see the children (he is in a relationship with OW with DV) my childcare bill has also rocketed.

I was told two weeks ago, he was requesting a reconsideration for CMS has has deliberately refused to work any OT to bring his income to basic level to avoid paying for them.

That was my 'I'm done point'. The amount he is refusing to pay (he also stopped paying £100 per month into tax free childcare) is not a lot to him, but huge to me.

I give up trying to make the books balance. They don't. I can't fight anymore. Do what you like! I'll make it work, there's no plan, but there is passion. I won't fight you to be a dad, or pay for your children or even see them.

Toodles!

I'm suffering with terrible health anxiety at the moment and on Monday had my fuck it I'm done moment with DS misbehaving, not sleeping and me feeling like this.
I went up to bed and just sat there for ages.

So bloody tiring!

We had two years of high stress, uncertainty, and for many - trauma.

Coming out of that now, and I think it's probably to be expected many of us are exhausted. We need to rest and recover, to process and come to terms with what we've been through. But of course, life doesn't often offer those opportunities as we need them.

So we have to take them. Carve out time. Defend it and protect it. Find ways to give yourself the space .

I walk the dog every morning post school run. An hour outside and I feel so much better and able to get on with the day.

And what I actually meant to post - and to everyone who has had or is having an 'I'm done' moment.

All these smears booked... Well done OP!

Ablist, off-topic and rude all in one post. No one asked for your advice.

@StridTheKiller

I'm so sorry you feel this way. As someone who works in MH, I urge you to seek support. There is lots of services out there whom can help. Websites, text crisis lines and phone support as well as face to face support.

Here is a link for the NHS where you can put in your post code and see what services are available in your area.

I have helped & supported so many people and seen so many come out the other side. Please remember that whatever is going on, it won't be forever. You can turn this around. Suicide is a very permanent solution to what will be a temporary problem. Please seek some support.

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/

hwww.crisistextline.uk/ealth-services/

www.mind.org.uk/www.mind.org.uk/

I’m 58 and can’t remember a time collectively so bad, when you take into consideration climate change. What have I forgotten (generally interested) or are you old enough to be referring to WW11, which I would agree with?

When DP died.
I’d had a emotionally distant, quite controlling husband 1.
An abusive husband 2.
DP was the man who didn’t want me to change, accepted me exactly as I was. This was totally reciprocated, we loved, respected and trusted each other. He went out one morning and never came home. My life has been shit since that day. I’m an expert at painting on the smile, I should get a bloody Oscar for the birthdays, Christmases, get togethers I’ve smiled and chatted and looked interested through ( I’m not)
I have legally in place a “ do not treat, do not resuscitate “ thing. When I get my ticket out of here I don’t want anyone screwing it up.

It helps to know its not just me. I feel guilty really as we are ok financially. But I'm just so so tired and fucked off with life.. I literally cannot face another day in my job but have zero idea how to get out.. I'm 48 and known nothing else since I was 18. My boys gave SEN and nobody at all in real life has any idea the impact this has on us as a family and me as a mum. I feel ill all the time, but I don't think I am. I'm just utterly done.

The end of 2019. I was in a job I absolutely loathed with every fibre of my being. My husband of 20 years left me for another woman with no explanation at all just went and a week later divorce papers plopped on the doorstep. I was seriously ill at the time and had to sell the home I'd spent all my savings renovating as I couldn't afford to live there any more. Then I got the sack.
I won't bore you with what happened next but it all turned out brilliantly and was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Three years later I am settled in another part of the country in a lovely home and couldn't be happier.
It was the catalyst I needed to get out there are finally live the life I always dreamed of.

I have resilience. I'm a CSA survivor & a DV survivor. I've become disabled since I had my 2 kids, who both have Autism & SN. My H left us ('too stressful'). This year my last parent died (I've no other family to speak of) & my Partner died. I've no money at all, insecure housing & I'm permanently cold, tired, in pain.
But what i find more difficult is the sheer waste of public resources & (social) media setting groups against each other. This has all got worse over the last decade. I too had an 'emergency stash' but can't use as my kids need me (& will for years) so I got rid of it. OP, I hope things improve (for us all) as I agree, many more are hitting / about to hit the wall than before.

Name 3 tougher challenges than covid in your lifetime.

Definitely book your smears! I got the call in October 2019, they found some abnormal cells. I had a cone biopsy in November 2019 and an LLETZ in February 2020. Just six or so weeks later the county went into lockdown (I'm not in the UK). Scary to think I came to not getting the treatment. Got the all clear in August 2020.

I feel like a need a good cry, but can’t even be bothered to do that. Shall I watch a sad film 🤔🙃

Agree @mickandrorty this is my I’m done moment too. It’s so depressing to work full time with my young child in full time nursery and have very little left after everything leaves the bank. It just makes me want to give up on everything. Life is devoid of pleasure at the moment, feels hard to find happy moments with the endless financial pressure and worry.

I don't think I am done yet but close. Getting angry easier, caring less, general worry all the time, realising my relationship with my DH is crap but not caring enough to do anything about it etc. I am focusing really hard on the good stuff, ignoring all the news and trying to force myself to go things like exercise.

Exactly! Well done. If you can't get one for those who can afford one it's not expensive if it's a difference between living and ....
My GP almost refused mine because it was less than 3 years. Other countries offer them yearly!

Hi everyone! I’m a bit pushed for time but will reply properly this evening, I wanted to just thank you all for sharing and being so understanding with one another.

Also, I feel it my absolutely responsibility to correct a post up thread about smears only testing for HPV and being “useless” I think this is really dangerous misinformation and may put people off booking, which would be a disaster.

Yes, most trusts only test for HPV changes because they are the silent killer. These are high risk cells that are responsible for a HUGE majority of cervical cancers and they are so slow developing without symptoms that many many women would have no idea they were at risk. Other cell changes that are not HPV are quicker acting and come with symptoms much sooner.

PLEASE don’t believe that smears aren’t worth it because they “only” check for HPV cells! It’s these cells that cause cancer, smears are still incredibly relevant and important at stopping cancer early!

And most of all, thank you to every single one of you who is booking in for their smear or planning on keeping their appointments, it means so so much to me and I can’t thank you all enough

I had a shit childhood and watched while my peers from good backgrounds and with more money benefitted from all the advantages that brings.

Now, down to a mixture of hard work, resilience and yes luck, I find myself in a pretty decent position in life and I refuse to spend a further moment sad and down in the time I have left on the planet.

I've known what it's like to struggle financially and emotionally and not many of the well off really looked my way or had any empathy.

Maybe it's no bad thing that we all have to face uncertainty together

Like so many, the last few years have been an absolute shit show.
My lovely MIL passed away in 2020, from an awful cancer which stripped her of her dignity, she may be here now if her treatment hadn’t been put on hold during lockdown.
My own mum’s Alzheimer’s has gotten much worse the last 2 years and my dad can’t cope. Like so many other services, dementia services shut their doors during lockdowns and many haven’t reopened. I go round to see and help my parents every day but it feels like a huge weight on my shoulders as I have my own physical and mental health issues which I’m greatly struggling with and because of Covid, several of my hospital appointments where delayed and I’ve had to wait almost a year for some appointments.
My beloved darling dog had to be pts in August this year after battling cancer 3 times, it’s cost us £6000 in vet treatments and operations, which we didn’t have but I would pay it all over again to have saved him but sadly nothing could. I cry for him, my mil and my parents every day.
The awful summer heatwaves have set off my Perimenopause hot sweats and this warm autumn isn’t helping either, I worry so much about the future of our poor planet.
I really believe 2020 was a turning point for which there is no return.
I am so concerned for my childrens futures.
All of these experiences and worries have made me feel like I am totally done.
StridTheKiller I am so sorry you are struggling but totally understand, very little to look forward to anymore

I haven’t had a grand “I’m done” moment - mine has been a slow drip drip drip of shitty things which I feel have knocked the sparkle out of me. I’ve no choice but to carry on because I have young children that I have to do my best by and secure the best financial state for their future, but it all feels quite a bit pointless when it appears 99% of us are on a slide down to poverty.

I continue to hope it will eventually get better, but I’m struggling to believe it ever will again.